its been a month
since a blade has touched my skin,
and as i was taking a shower,
i shaved my legs and
i accidentally nicked myself.
i watched as blood
dripped down my leg.
i looked at in awe,
i know i miss the feeling,
maybe one more scratch wouldnt hurt?
but, thats where i stopped,
i didnt try to nick my leg again,
i didnt let the thoughts get to me,
i won.

another day down,
a whole life to go.
{dear god that sounds awful, huh?}

So, I'm not to sure
of what I want
Anymore.

The past
Such a funny place to pay a visit
Also a scaring Heaven
travelling to it through pictures
Through diaries
Through experiences and conversations.
Wondering if today is that future
We were dreaming,
Planning and sharing
In the past.

An escortion to the past
Take us to the tears
Our unconguerd fears
Promises shared
Love felt
Friends we have left
Lessons failed to learn
And those learned
Mistakes made
Heart breaks
Joy that had faded
Repented pain
Smiles and broken fate
Sicknesses won
Our dead ones, our efforts couldn't save.
The cheers, the quarrels
Broken Commitments and understandings
The peace, the unrest
Sweet dreams, nightmares
Snub, ego and abused meekness
Hymns, dances and sadness
Lies discovered, truth untold
Folks turned foes, treasures sold
Hatred bared, relationships mismanaged
Sins forgiven
And those too hard to be forgotten
Loses and Crisis
Celebration that had ended
Glory that has been blinded
That giant step
That right choice
The chance
That luck
A great victory
records made, glorious history.
The rise, the fall
The frowns, the fun
Dews and twinkling sun
All in all
Travelling to the past
Is an adventure of mix feelings
Sour and sweet memories
Drilling and refreshing

Since it's where we are all coming from
It's a place we can't foregone
A place not too healthy to dwell
But a place we should always go to learn.

As the sun rises
And the world comes alive
I can't but help breathe a sigh

Everything that was once dormant is now lively
Dark turns light
The cold embrace is slowly letting It's grip go
And the blood in my veins begins to flow

The darkness held me captive for too long
I lost my strength, I no longer feel strong.
But I will surely continue to go on

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry we can't play.
My Barbie's were thrown out years ago,
there's not a teddy bear in sight.
Now who do I hold close at night?

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry I have to push you away.
My face screams nineteen,
my rib cage whimpers
child.
You must be getting lonely.
At least we have that in common.

Hello little girl,
who wants to paint all day,
play hopscotch and swing high as a bird,
no,
high as the moon,
on the swing set.
I'm sorry my feet are firmly on the ground.
These decisions are too hard to make
and you must be frightened.
Shall we paint a rainbow or paint a storm?

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry this is goodbye.
The photos and videos
will help me remember,
but I must start to walk
without anybody holding my hand.
You'll be okay.
You'll be alright.

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me.
It's time to grow up.