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Leah Oct 2013
It's only getting worse.
I'm only getting worse.

my eyes are;
aching, burning, cried out.
my lungs are;
deadweight, exhausted, ****** up.
my body has;
given up, had enough.

and it's not even noon yet.
Leah Oct 2013
for Brendan,
because you asked me to,
I wrote a love poem for the machinery.
an ode to the efficiency,
of well scheduled maintenance.

they only hummed in response,
but I imagined it was in appreciation
so I continued,

I wrote sonnets concerning,
proper wiring configurations,
and stand alone power grids. 
things that seemed important,
to things that could never feel.

they only hummed in response, 
but I imagined it was in appreciation
so I continued,

I looked them over, and over again.
neat little rows of grey metal boxes
computers from the days of old.

I wanted to tell them about Sherman Alexie.
I wanted to tell them about Flannery O'Connor.
I wanted to tell them about Ray Bradbury.
Instead I cried, & tried to cut the building's power.

they only hummed in response.
Leah Oct 2013
I spent the last year or so slowly disintegrating.

spreading scraps of paper ashes in my wake
picking my personality out from under my skin
and throwing it away in puzzle pieces
that will never fit together
or make a pretty picture

but I've left them all where you can find them
and put them back together with crazy glue
you can make them into something
a little worn around the edges
and a little burnt around the sides
as if surviving a fire

I don't know what it will look like.

I don't know what I look like.
Leah Sep 2013
they will say "no",
     when they should say "yes."
there's been a mistake,  
there's been a manufacturing error.
they made me an empty vessel,
and they sent me down the line.

and it's making me so tired.
I can't spend all my time in search of genuine,
there's none of that left.

not now, not anymore, and maybe not ever at all.
and it hurts me.

so tonight like any other night,
or like no other night at all,
I never thought what I might've lost
when I stopped and gained composure.

just as well.
because now I know it's gone.
Leah Sep 2013
I'm doing just fine. 
even if it does seem a little forced and faked sometimes.
it's just the same as when we were young and alive.
you can keep on walking, and remember,
the sidewalk squares have never lied.

so when the start of the new year arrives,
with souls kept too close over telephone lines,
I will still know you just as well as the knotted scars that lay across my spine.
Leah Jul 2013
Dearest Carol,
the weather's been cold.
The snow falls from the sky,
and flies up my nose.

Dearest Carol,
the liquor was cheap,
and the beer came free.
Now I know Mr. Winter,
and Mr. Winter  knows me.

Dearest Carol,
I'm coughing again.
I'll see you next Sunday,
if I don't turn up dead.
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