you used to say
that i was your sky
tell me, do the clouds
still remind you of me?

There are days, weeks,
Months even, when
I'm perfectly fine.
When words roll off my tongue  
Like raindrops off an umbrella
When my smile lights
Up my own small world.
And then there are  
Days when life itself is a  
Nightmare.  
When The Bell Jar drops upon  
My room,
When my brain turns into fog  
And my body like salt on a rainy day
Dissolving into the very air it breathes.  
Feeling better seems like the  
Hardest thing I'll ever do.
But, The worst part is  
That I don't even want to feel better
I want to keep dissolving, keep reducing
Until there's nothing left to be dissolved.  

This thought is what frightens me most.

I love my dark circles.
They carry the stains
Of my darkest nights.

Having my heart broken was
A lot like dying
Only it was worse than that.
You can only die once
(Or so I've been told).
One swift jump and
It's over.
But with him
I died everyday
Over
And over again.

(Sometimes, more than once a day.)

Everytime I
Checked my phone for a text
Or a call,
Or an email,
My heart broke just
A little bit more.
I died
Everytime I crossed our favorite street.
Everytime I walked under the lamppost
Where he held my hand for
The first time.

I died countless times for two years.
And when I thought
I could die no more, I
Did it yet again
When I saw him love another.

I wish I'd known that night
He only called to never
Listen to my voice ever
Again.

So, to my future lover I
Implore (Whereever you are)
Please, never ever let
Me die like that ever
Again.
I came back from
The dead once.
I don't think I can do that one more time.