A solution is an answer is a new start is plan for action
My mind is a tangled mess is a upheaval of confusion is a plane of destruction

Your words are kind are intentions of rescue are helpful injections
My words are cold are harsh are screams of imperfect reflection

I am stained am bleached am covered in a negativity wave
I am fallen am failing am flailing

This day is everlasting is demanding is a revelation of my creation
My acts are grim are stern are unrelenting

Your forgiveness is comforting is awing is, undeserving.

Imprisoned inside a house
With photos and mirrors
A kitchen table with apples in a bowl
TV's and electronics to fill silence with sound
Windows to view a different world
With bushes in the yard and mailbox in the front
But beyond that scenery lives a world changing immensely
I lay alone imprisoned in a timeless world
Seems could lay for hours and no one would even know
Somewhere beyond this I imagine I wouldn't feel so alone
In a place that lacks noise that fills every moment with tortuous sound
Not every foot step with a place to go
Not every mistake rubbed with rough alcohol into the wound
A place where I might enjoy the breath I breathe and the time I have left

Everyday I see the sun come up
But you can still see the moon
Its cloudy and distant
But oh it exists.

The sun warms me and my flesh
It relieves the chill that night represents

Weather the moon is full or new
Some times its half, even crescent
Then it quickly rises, quarter moon,
Back to half, and finally its new
And when its new, its bright
and the brighter the more
It pains my eyelids
Oh my eyelids

The sun comes and goes each day
But the moon is forever

Shining the earth with light
You can feel it fading though
You can feel it fading
Sometimes early, the clouds will get in the way
They are the cousins of the moon
And just like it they are sure to ruin the mood

Rain pours hard
and thunder claps loud
You can see the moon large and towering
While the clouds surround it and it rains down
Oh it rains down
Sometimes it doesn't stop.
Smothering the earth in polluted waters

Diving too deep in these waters
What a tragic event
Without the sun
It would drown us.

You look at me with that look
Of disfavor of my deviate thoughts
Thinking that I'm just an open book
You’re pulling out all your shots
You’re making all your sly comments
Thinking it goes over my head
Without the knowledge of the contents
When I say what you don't want to hear
Who’s the first person to knock it down?
Strike out the fear
So I'll sit back and try not to care
For the lack thereof creativity is all that you fear.

I miss you every ******* day

I try and force these **** thoughts away

But you shine right though in the most devious way

Like a web between two dead trees

It traps me and then and there I drop to my knees

I squirm to rip you; get the ******* me

But just like before; you release.



Then again, like a fierce breeze

You take away my concentration with vile ease

Over me; you flow along-happily on your trail

Leaving behind a stench of wickedness

Leaving me nothing but, frail.



Why won’t you just walk away?

Burn; like night to ******* day

Light a match; Fade away

Get this **** underway.

Every thought returns with a vengeance
Aimed at me with torture on its tongue
Roaming from one extreme to another
Determined to knock me out into a state of apathy
It builds and it builds until it topples my mind
Vines wrap sticky thorns into each wound
Vengeance shines with all its glory
It rips happiness apart at all seams
A fridge abyss drowns my mind
Filling and filling until it spreads it ugly
Stricken with hatred and rage
I'm locked in only to battle the ugly
The ugly that's forced upon me
Heavy like bricks
It picks away destroying the best within
I become what I don't want to be
Hideous with resentment and pity
No one could love a face with such ugly

Pounding and pounding within my chest
To hear your voice on the other line puts my heart in arrest
The minutes will never last, I revel in that of which I can
If only I were in your presence, where you could fondly take my hand
We could lie near the ocean waves, where there delightful sound would carry us away
In a new realm, we will not worry of life’s alterations that leave the lines of determination, blurry.

Rhythmic prominent, beats
Are the clues to the unsettling defeat
The ocean salt is now bitter
Revel in the moments that we have left to consider.

Sweat arises, though the existence of the zephyr
My mind is whirling, until you lean in closer
Your chest pounding against mine, forehead settled, lips caress the most divine
A pleasant moment held in time, but as usual it is victim of sublime.

Rhythmic prominent, beats
Are the clues to the unsettling defeat
The ocean salt is now bitter
Revel in the moments that we have left to consider.

As I take this yearned journey across the sea.
I learn from experience nothing is what the eye sees.
On and on we drift alone, noise's only of the splattering wave tone.
Time it drifts before we know, now it seems were forever alone.
The depth of the waters is cold as ice.
The fire from the sun hot enough to entice.

Flowing along on our silenced trip.
I discover a mystic ship.
A mirage perhaps? No, no.
What I see is nothing of sort.
It is indeed another boat.
Quick! Hurry. Were going to crash.

Hushed, staring thoughtless.
Mind numbing blankness.
We cannot speak; we cannot do.
We can only watch as it destroys us too.
Swiped away from our grace.
Quick its vanished before our face.

Crutches are gone
Pain and Angst gather with each glance
Wheres the you to save you
Life is skewed
Abilities foregone
Matter is higher than the mind
Painful thoughts intertwine
A perfect embarrassment
The pavement is vacant
This somebody is a nobody
Primp and proper on paper and face value
It scented with delight and magnificence
Eyes are burned with malice
You wish, take me away from this hellish place
The wrongs won't make a right
Oh **** where is that light
A hot cigarette between your fingers
A chilled beer to your lips
You coerce pain away
And until the light of day
All else is at bay
As eyes open at crease
Peace is at a fast decrease
The day grows strong as you are weakened
To pretend only strengthens your ability to
Defend
Your mind is a killer
A force to be reckoned with
An unshakable legacy
Yet rather than replenish
Its bound to diminish
Without the you to save you
Who are you?

You have to take criticism as is.
You can't throw a fit each and every time you get a dose.
If you can't handle it now.
You never will.
You should get congratulated for achievements.
But they're not all for simple achievements.

So your seventeen, and quitting smoking-
                Should you have been in the first place?
So your not pregnant-
                Should it have been a concern?
So you survived your over dose-
                Should you have popped those pills?

Actions have consequences.
Criticism lies beneath the soul.
If you can criticize, you can handle criticism in its glory.
Societies standards will always get you.
Don't misinterpret my words.
No need to be perfect.
Karma will corner you.
You turn to make a break
But this time you cannot fake and squirm your way out.
Set your standards higher.
If its recognition that your searching for.
You'll be searching until the end of days.
You want a clap?
Pat your self on the back.
Its your achievement.

Paranoia:
        Own it
Standards:
        Keep them
Mind:
        Open it
Ignorance:
        Destroy it

You have to control yourself.
Destroy the rage inside.
You've got a jet black mind and its bringing you down.
Down below the surface- becoming societies Barbie.
Put a smile on your face.
A frown in your jaw.
Hold it in until you can spill it all out.
Until life's grip has you ready to crawl.

So you had an abortion and your parents didn't find out...
            Are you proud?
So last night you got some action...
            Does it fill a void?
So now you sued you ex for all he's worth...
            Can you sleep at night?
So you slit that flesh again...
            Did it give a sense of relaxation?

Hold your paranoia.
In the end it will save you.
Cherish your paranoia.

I understand its difficult to over come life's addictions.
Its no joy ride.

I'm happy with what I do, with what I don't.
With who I am and how I've grown.
I am independent, I am strong, I am quiet, and I am loud.

I'm not knocking your priorities.
What you choose, don't complain.
Even if it causes you to lose or any kind of pain.
Don't act proud that you can stop.
An addiction is an addiction.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Don't snap when I give you an reality check.
Its not your first.
It won't be your last.

I'm not telling.
I'm only speaking the words of my brain.
Crazy, insane... but, it's what I feel and its something I had to explain.

Its hard to every think
What has been is now gone
All the plans that we've discussed
Are skewed and forlorn
My surroundings are blurred
By the burning of my tears
Wish it would all vanquish
Wish it would all disappear
Only momentarily does the pain fade away
Because today is the last day
Of you and me

Every song changes meaning
Vehicles make me tear
Every where I'm looking
Reminds me of my aching
Mind wonders constantly
Of what has been and whats to be
Never thought their would be an end
To you and me