Taking on the world
One crazy event,
After another with
nothing phases me.

Moving on my own.
No help. Just me.
Drove six hours
For a new life.

Life's a hectic place.
I’ve grown up in
this ****** up world
taking on hardships.

Like heart breaking into
a million pieces, crying over
someone who never truly,
gave a ****.

Listening to parents
bicker back and forth.
Hating each other’s guts,
forced to choose a side.
Even at eight
I knew it was wrong.

Standing up for myself
In front of my father.
Showing I can be on
my own, without any
help.

Then, mother of all
roadblocks hits. The worry
that the task has become
too difficult to achieve.

Study hard and you
can set your mind to
do anything, they all say.
But they don’t factor in
life’s hectic role.

Worries pile on:
"What if?"
"What about this?" Or
“How can I change so I can make this work?”

Sometimes you can’t
change. It’s all in the mind.
It can be too much pressure
onto the person you
want to be.

I always question,
Could I handle the pressure?
Could have I made the time?
Could I make it in this world
of storms and threats?

My dream’s the same.
I am helping others, but
is that the way I want to help?

The darkness consumes your
heart
when life gets
tough.

A dark, cloudy sky
can cover
the twinkling
lights.

Can't see through
to the light.

The feeling like
a piece a garbage
no one cares about,

The feeling of attempt
to get the lazy self out of  
bed because lazy holds on to
the tiredness and weakness,

The impending thoughts
attacking the mind;
the you’re not good enough’s
and nobody wants you’s
pile on to the trash
that’s already there

make the cloud’s
haze grow thicker
and thicker.

One day
The murkiness will
lift

And

The garbage,
The attacking thoughts,
The gripping weakness,

GONE.

Glaring up
at the night sky,
everything becomes
Clear.

Glaring up
at that sky
the little specks
of light peering through
the darkness,
barely illuminating
the path ahead.

Today, one year from last, the weather’s the same.
Balmy, warm breeze.
Burnt orange and sunflower yellow tousle on
on the fading green.
An Indian summer once again on this Monday.
How crazy is that?

The weather and day may be similar,
but not the event that took place,
one year ago.


Beaten into submission by my emotions, they take control.
I fall out of my bed to face this discussion. I have no idea
where it would take me or even the outcome but the reign
of my emotions was hollowing out a hole, deep within. A hole
I would eventually get ****** into.

With the same burnt orange and yellow tousling around,
all the emotions pour out as he takes a seat in my Santa Fe.
He listens, he hugs, he cares.
He has to go, having five minutes to spare.
“Bye,” he says with care.
“Bye,” I repeat.
I watch him step out into the balmy air.


The emotions widen the hole,
for all my sorrows,
pain and
emptiness.
They trickle themselves in
to the bottomless pit.

Age is just a number   it does not have      rhyme or reason    just a number determined by what year      a person was born    minus what year it is      now.  

Age has no boundaries     no limits.    People mature   at their own pace.     Heartbreaks     death    moving      anything    plays a role      in who a person is.      What one may learn       along the way,   life lessons,    facts,     opinions,   may advance      or slow progress        in themselves.

Ourselves.

Age means nothing.       I am twenty four   and I feel          nothing years old.    Nothing defines age.        Age shouldn’t outline what you can       and cannot do.

Age is freeing.        Let the nothing define you.

the list keeps growing       it never ends   once one item gets checked off    three more are added on   at this point    I wanna drive away    rip up the list       and start anew       maybe in the mountains somewhere   skyscraper evergreen pines       massive mountains    with their tiny, white covered tops   weaved into the horizon           silence is the only voice   and calm fills my body   sitting on a patio      side by side     with the one person      that means the most      to me      overlooking the view    the ultimate dream     where the list doesn’t exist    only  
serenity
me
And
love