the list keeps growing       it never ends   once one item gets checked off    three more are added on   at this point    I wanna drive away    rip up the list       and start anew       maybe in the mountains somewhere   skyscraper evergreen pines       massive mountains    with their tiny, white covered tops   weaved into the horizon           silence is the only voice   and calm fills my body   sitting on a patio      side by side     with the one person      that means the most      to me      overlooking the view    the ultimate dream     where the list doesn’t exist    only  
serenity
me
And
love

When the music
rises up through
the cords to the
earbuds, encased
in my ears, with
the bass tingles
From my head
to my toes.

My head falls back
I close my eyes
And remember a time,
when Blurry flowed through
my Santa Fe’s speakers.

Driving on Highway 151
through empty fields,
slightly turning to
their harvest color.
The sun shimmers on
the blacktop.

Its haze blurs the road
but the memory is clear.
Driving through the gold
Feeling rich as ever.

Take me back to the days
when the winding roads
are surrounded by gold.

Every time my earbuds
are tucked in my ears,
the music radiates out of my chest,
goosebumps forming.

latches on
to your mind
******* on the uniqueness,
iconic-ness,
spontaneous actions,
of who You are.

Having a Storm Trooper
as your companion
For a six hour drive,

Lighting a bowl
in a middle of a *** &
Go carwash,

Being my bright ball of
light, when I  
needed it.

The parasite latches onto
that happiness,
laughter, and
soul of yours.

Spits all of it  
onto the floor,
letting it evaporate
in the air.

That little parasite
clinging on to
your mind
haunts You.

You’ve taken
medications,
shook your head,
and dreamt.

But the parasite’s will
is greater than your
mind.

You can’t see
who You truly are
any longer
but I can.

You’re
Strong
Stronger than anyone
I’ve seen.

You’re
Brave.
You could’ve ended
It all. But You
didn’t.

So, You know what?
You’ll get rid
Of that parasite

And live the life
You were meant to
live.

I hope You do.

Because
You
deserve it.

Always.

I'm sorry
you feel broken.
I'm sorry
you feel bruised.

I encourage you
to forgive. But that
depends if you
are willing to
decipher your
darkened soul.

You see the world
as how it HAS
treated you.

Internalizing
such suffering; the
trauma consumes
your soul.


Are you willing
to forgive? Forgive
mother & father, who
coerced you into
a 4-year?

mother & father
who neglected to give
you the strength,
to overcome the scars
on your legs, arms?

mother & father
refused to see
that you wanted to voice
your future?

mother & father
struggled to understand
your input about college,
how you did not envision
a future in this life.

mother & father
sprung their divorce
on you, neglecting to
explain how will their decision
affect you, affect
your vision of the world?

mother & father
neglected to
coach you in this
strange, challenging
world.

mother & father
never disclosed that your
voice defines your sense of self.

mother & father
never granted
permission for you
to discover your
hopes,
dreams.

mother & father
embedded many thoughts, to
which has created
a non-believer out of
you.

mother & father
coerced you
to attend a birthday party,
which you
begged,
screamed,
cried,
refusing to go.


I am mesmerized
how your pain,
suffering, devours
your soul.

Leaving you hollow.
Leaving you narrow-minded.

I understand the
most important human
is yourself.

I know you, deeply,
passionately
love me. With all your
heart.

But my questions
to you are:
Have you taken the time
to understand my thoughts?
My feelings? My neglect?
My love to you?

But I'm struggling to grasp
that you refuse me
to glance into the
raw, blackness of your
soul.

I am not afraid,
fragile,
scared,
alarmed, as to
what you illustrate
to me.

I want you to
give me the chance
to understand;
not judge,
not criticize.  

Your pain,
Your suffering,
doesn't define you.

You, yourself
define how you
feel,
think,
see,
the world.

Trauma shouldn't defeat you.
Your resilience should,
empowering your soul.

Not your mother,
Not your father,
Not myself.

You define the power within
You.

I would like you to
believe in
yourself. But that
depends on what
you feel deep within.

I don't want
mother & father, the
coercion, neglect,
to allow you to feel
powerless. I wish you to
forgive your detrimental
past.

Because I know,
I believe,
You have the will,
might, strength,
resilience,
to change it. To what
You deserve.

Truly
deserve.


I love you.
With all my heart.
Always.