There is a twitch to me
Buried under my skin
There are moments
I am still
But underneath
I sit minutely shaking
And I could not
Tell you why
It happens
Only that it has
As long as I can
Remember.

Sometimes it’s a spasm
A contraction of
Too many muscles
To ignore
Too many to stay still
Like a cold breath
On the back of my neck
There is no subtlety in this
I feel I am shaking off…
Something
I've never quite been sure
What exactly it is.

The saying goes:
“Someone is walking
over your grave”
For every unexplained shiver
And sometimes I wonder
If somewhere they built a sidewalk
Over my grave.

Light a candle
For every memory
You can’t let go of

***** one out
For every faded scar
That you won’t let heal

Burn circles
Into the palms of your hands
To remind you this is real

You are still here
You are still here
Even if you don’t know
What that means anymore.

Sometimes when I can’t see it
I wonder if the world exists
If I close my curtains
Turn out the lights
And close my eyes tight
Does everything else
Simply cease to exist?

Can I ignore
The pounding of my heart
As it keeps me awake
Because, after all
None of the things
I’m worrying about
Really Exist when
I’m not looking at them.

But how do I stop looking
How do I curtain the world
Shut off the sun
And live with my eyes closed
So that I don’t have to fear
Things that pop back into existence
The moment I let them?

There are seconds
Tick, Tick, Ticking
Beneath the curve of your smile
I wonder how long it will stay this time.

The gravity of your body
Is too heavy
Like there is more
Inside of you
Than your skin
Was meant to hold
It makes me think of
Comets, black holes,
And endless starry skies
You are your own constellation
You are my personal starry night
I will count the points of light
That shine out beneath
The thin skin of your wrists
Trace the memory of galaxies
Around the curves of your hips
This body is not your own
Except it is, it is
You are anchored within
By the gravity of your being
By the things you’ve done
And I, I am anchored to you
By sheer force of will.

You are a dark spot on the shoreline
I can’t see it, but I know you’re smiling
And the ocean is trying to swallow you whole
But You laugh at me for trying to save you

You are a dark spot on the shoreline
With waves lapping at your shins
I still can’t see it
But you’re still smiling

You are a dark spot under water
There are shadows pulling you in
Undertow of regret, pain, and wanting
And if you let me I would give you my lungs

There is something big behind you
And you don’t know what it is
But you know you have to run
That you've always been running
The thing behind you
Is always bigger than you
But you've always taken it down
And down
And down
In the past, you’ll do it again
and again
and again
Because you have to
Because it’s your responsibility
Though you don’t remember accepting it
Because who else would be there
If you weren't?
And all you want
Is to unlace your boots
To lay down your guns
To let someone else take up the hunt
But the thing behind you
Is only behind you
And it’s always
Always
Bigger than you.