i kissed a pretty boy whose mouth reeked of cigarettes. i hate cigarettes.
i kissed a pretty boy whose tongue tasted like alcohol. so did mine probably.
i kissed a pretty boy who doesn’t really care about my feelings. it’s not like i give a **** about his.
i kissed a pretty boy. because he was there and you weren’t.
here’s the thing. we were kissing and he bit my neck and my lip and his hands were all over my body and at some point, i almost felt guilty that i was letting someone touch me who wasn’t you. but then i remembered that somewhere else you were thinking of her and touching her and not feeling guilty about it.
so i stopped caring, drank some more and kissed the pretty boy. because his lips left my skin burning. because he was there and you weren’t.

everything.
i genuinely love everything about you,
i love your gorgeous hair,
your chocolate brown eyes i always get lost into,
your ***** dropping smile,
your terribly kissable lips,
your wonderful body,
your hands on my hips,
everything.
i love your laugh, it chases away every single one of my bad dreams.
i love the way you scrunch your nose sometimes when you make jokes.
i love that you tell ***** jokes because you know i love them.
i love the way you say my name.
i love your subtle and sweet compliments.
i love that you’ll keep insisting i’m beautiful when i say i don’t believe you
i love your honesty,
i love that i can talk to you about anything.
i love that you cry when you see me sad even though it breaks my heart.
i love that you tried to keep me alive
i love that you saved my life
and i love that you did it like it was second nature.
i love the way you care about me.
i love the way you give a shy smirk before telling me you love me.
i love the way you say it like you're exhaling it like it’s ingrained in your breath.

he’s sensitive. god he’s so sensitive. don’t push jokes too far, he’ll get offended.
he’s thoughtful, he’ll remember every important day and everything you’ve ever said.
he’s dedicated, he’ll do everything to make your relationship work.
that includes staying up late to talk to you,
but giving you space when you need it.
he’ll do everything and anything to keep a smile on your face.
he’ll write letters when he can’t find the right words to say at the right time.
he’ll hold you when you cry and he won’t let go, ever.
he’ll tell you everything you want to hear and he’ll compliment you to no end,
especially when you don’t believe him.
he’ll give you a long romantic speech about how much he values you
but he’ll also tell you everything he wants to do to you.
he looks like a god without a shirt on, and his lips taste like handpicked stars
he’ll make you his priority, don’t take him for granted.
he loves being reminded you care, even if it’s a random ‘i love you’ in the middle of the day.
don’t use his past against him, he’s trying to move on.
he loves being given a window into your soul, open up to him.
he’s terrified of failure, remind him that he’s good enough.
watch him play football. he'll show off for you and his *** looks chiseled by the gods in those shorts.
he loves you for your personality, but he’ll appreciate seeing what’s underneath every once a while
he’ll get jealous, reassure him he’s the only one you want.
he loves it when you wear lace underwear and his favorite color on you will be navy blue.
he’ll want to show you off, let him.
he’s going to try and make every moment perfect, let him
love him unconditionally, he’s not perfect, but he deserves it.
he’ll treat you like the whole world, return the favor.

i’d never thought about it. the word wonderful. it literally means full of wonder. and i’ve called you wonderful plenty of times. and i mean it. you leave me in awe, always. you are kind and sweet and caring and you have a heart of gold. you are full of life and energy and your smile lights up every room you walk into. you’ve known insult and injury and you’ve become indifferent to whispers because of it. you’ve known loss and pain and you are so strong, so humble because of it. you’ve known unconditional love and unrequited love and you fight for what you want because of it. you treat the ones you love with delicacy that makes any girl swoon. you treat the girl in your life like the princess you see her as. you’re wonderful in the way you walk, talk, the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you kiss. you’re wonderful in the way you show you care. you are a diamond in the rough, the most precious gem i have ever been fortunate enough to encounter, you are the world’s 8th wonder. you are my world’s first wonder. you are, in every sense of the term, wonderful.

holy ****,the thought of you, with her, makes me sick to the stomach. she’s beautiful and so sweet. and i’m sure she’s everything i’m not. and god, i hope she makes you happy. i hope she knows how lucky she is. i hope she looks into those chocolate brown eyes of yours and gets lost in the beauty of who you are. i hope she kisses you and tastes the charm at the tip of your tongue. i hope she doesn’t make the same mistakes i made. i hope she knows how to love you the way you deserve to be loved. i hope she thanks her lucky stars every night that she has you.

they’ll ask me ‘what happened’
i’ll think of
every minute you spent looking into my eyes
i’ll think of our fingers intertwined
every lingering hug.
and your hand on the small of my back
i’ll taste your lips on the tip of my tongue
and i’ll think of every time you made me laugh until my stomach hurt and
every time you whispered ‘i love you’ like it was second nature and
and it’ll all wash over me
but i’ll still just answer
‘it didn’t work out’
even though i don’t have the faintest recollection as to why it didn’t,
because it could’ve and it should’ve.
but it didn’t.

you will fall in love so many times.
or at least that’s what i’ve been told.
and i believe it.
you will fall in love so many times. at age 8, or age 18 and even at age 30.
and a few in between.
but one day, be it at age 12 or 20, you will fall in love with someone who’ll make your heart stop and your world spin and who will make you feel like the sun is shining even on a rainy day. someone who’ll stay up all night just to talk to you and who’ll lose sleep just thinking about your smile. someone who will call you beautiful and mean it. someone who will come up from behind you and grab you by the waist and remind you they love you. someone who will send you a good night text even if you haven’t spoken all day. someone who will write you letters telling you all the things they love about you. someone who’ll write you letters full of everything they can’t say out loud.
and then it’s going to end and it’ll destroy you and you are forever going to hold other guys up to that standard even if you know it’s unreasonable.
you are forever going to hold this person in your heart.
and sometimes you’re going to fall back in love with them,
sometimes they’ll love you back,
but other times, you’ll be falling on your own.
and you’ll reread those love letters looking for the character trait they didn’t mention they loved