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My innocence was not for you to take
******* life out like a poisonous bite
Apples rotting like my soul
Never beautiful will I feel again-

Fantasized
Driving off bridges
Popping pills
Sick thoughts clouding
Little girls’ mind

Death I wished upon myself
You turned me into a broken mirror
****** from the shards or glass
No pain shall I feel only a sick sense of the sweet relief

Sickly sweet cooper tones
Sliding down porcelain skin
No love in my hearts home
No love in my brains decomposing shack

****-
Is not amusing
A glimmer of future life ****** out like a dementor
Bye bye childhood
You stole from

Innocent little girl should not defend
For their lives shouldn’t be placed into their hands
Rusty anchors lodge deep inside
A pain never shall be at ease

Hell shall be your only witness
Demons crawl from my soul locking their talons Into what’s left of you
How do you call yourself a man

Bars shall hold you in
If only I could grow some in my mind
Nightmares from those years
Only regressed into teenage tears
you
You said you would take care of me
and (I believed) your fairy dust lies
the wand was flicked upon me
I fell deep
I fell hard
I was paralysed by
(you)

but there was no ground below me
not one hint of the destination
(I) looked at you with one goal in mind
and then you pricked the parachute that (helped) me
float with
(you)

as it's oxygen reduced
(I still) blindly (relied on)
(you)

by the time it was gone
(I) reached underground
in a (lost) world
and now
here I am without
(you)

(I lay in) crooked paths
not sure of where the tears will lead to
drawing parallel lines on bandaged (wounds) and
still (thinking of)
(you)
 Sep 2013 Laura Stridiron
Ottar
She walked a
slow march,
feet in blocks
of, heavy booted,
cinder.  It was like
she was stepping
on the bottom
and drowning
in her own life,
no air bubbles,
coming to the surface,
for anyone
looking for
signs of life.

But know, one was.

                                                           ­                 The gray wet mass,
                                                           ­                  in the gutter,
                                                         ­                    the dog and I about
                                                           ­                   to walk by the
                                                             ­                 road ****,
                                                           ­                   the injured rabbit
                                                                ­              raised a head
                                                            ­                  front legs tried to
                                                                ­              drag itself in the
                                                             ­                 pouring rain across
                                                          ­                    the very boulevard
                                                       ­                       that taught hard
                                                            ­                  the lesson, in the
                                                                ­              early morning rain.
                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­              The spine was snapped.
                                                        ­                      The beauty and the ugly
                                                            ­                  was showing through,
                                                        ­                      pale white foot bones,
                                                          ­                    where fur once was.
                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­              I had a towel and held her
                                                             ­                 close, my dog was beside,
                                                         ­                     herself to get near, to the
                                                             ­                 gray wet mass, with eyes
                                                            ­                  wide with trust, not fear,
                                                           ­                   sorry friend rabbit,
                                                         ­                     where are Pooh,
                                                           ­                                        Piglet,
                                                         ­                                          Tigger,
                                                         ­                                           Owl,
                 ­                                                                 ­                  Eyore,
                                        ­                                      as I am no match for
                                                             ­                 Christopher Robin,
                                                          ­                    and your injuries are
                                                             ­                 too real, so rest a while,
                                                          ­                    I am right here, when
                                                            ­                  you are able or want
                                                                ­              to go,
                                                                ­              let me know,
                                                                ­                       or show,
                                                           ­                                           me where
                                                           ­                   rabbits go to eat the grass
                                                           ­                   that is always green,
                                                          ­                                  and always grows.

                                                         ­                                                                 ­                
                                                                ­                                                                 ­           Her fingers unsteady
                                                        ­                                                                 ­                   till she grips the
                                                                ­                                                                 ­           pencil crayon
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                 lightly with a heavy
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                heart, does the colour
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                 flow both ways, onto
                                                            ­                                                                 ­               the paper and into
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                her face, her smile,
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                  in a way nobody
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                  knows ,
                                                               ­                                                                 ­             in a way nobody
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                  sees,
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                 unless you look
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                beyond the mask.
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                                         The Picture?
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     
                                  ­                                                                 ­                                           It is a ribbon, and
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             vine with thorns a
                                                               ­                                                                 ­              rugged cross, four  
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             yellow roses too.
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                                          There are few,
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             too few things
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                   that speak of true
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                 friendship than
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                 yellow roses.
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                 
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             There are few
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             too few friends,
                                                        ­                                                                 ­                     who remain.
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                     Yellow roses
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                    all around, petals
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                     sprinkled on the
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                  ground as she
                                                                ­                                                                 ­               details the green,
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                     leaves, the brown
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                    as rugged as the
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                  rocky earth,
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                     so she would never
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                be alone, there
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                     is no friend,
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                       none truer on
                          a wet stormy Sunday morning where three strays, all let me know, how to love.
RIP Bugs 22092013,
Three excerpts of frantic writes today, tried to tie them together.
The ending could be tricky to read. "the how to love" is part of the third excerpt and sums up all three

From the first one "But know, one was" could equal "But no one was."
I go through phases of cleaning
And I mean cleaning everything
Your room, my room
The entire city
I could clean and clean
But still feel *****

I'm becoming OCD
Obsessive Compulsively Dicking around
What's gonna happen to me,
When he finally gets out?

It's not like I look in the mirror
and see something I don't want to see
But I can't help but feel just a little *****
Ever since he touched me
When I didn't wanna be
Touched

A three month sentence
For a life long pain
If it wasn't for my strength,
He wouldn't even know my name
He'll never know hers
               or hers
                    or hers
But I made sure he knows mine
I wonder if in just three months
He's had enough time
To remember my name
For the rest of his life
To remember my name
As I unconciously recite his
I wonder if he missed his kid
If he called his mom
Or if she called him

Twelve people sat in the jury that day
And I wonder how many of them
Truly believed that three months
Was enough time
To bring justice
To anyone
I wonder if even one of them
Would change their mind
If they heard what I had to say tonight
If they could hear me
I'd make sure they knew
I spent two years
Believing in a justice system that never came through
That I'll spend the rest of my life
Wondering, trying to be tough
Wishing I could finally get clean enough
And he got *three months
Slapped myself on ketamine
and found that it
hurt more than it did
than when I actually had
some feeling in me.
Throwback to my first time on K.
 Sep 2013 Laura Stridiron
berry
never strong in swimming
but keeping my head above
these waves for you, dear
Like my own little puzzle,
I finally figured you out
Oh, I wanted you then
But I'm craving you now
I think I want you
And you're so close to me
Oh, I want you
So come closer, baby
I'll frame you
And hang you up high
I'll laminate you
And when people ask why
I'll tell them you are the only puzzle
I could ever figure out
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