far from sleep
i feel it now

the blind reach
the forced tender hand
stroking my hair

making me feel
like you cared

that arch in you brow
the way you
looked completely
through me
cut
to the core
and how it sent
feral waves down my spine

those oceans
i saw me swimming in

without feeling
automatic
planned out
exactly how
they told you to

your smooth
skin

painfully perfect

and the way
it curved
so seamlessly
as

your feet floated
barely gracing the earth

the scent
the odor
whatever you
want to call it
that
awoke
the primal instinct

and how
i so desperately
yearned for your
lips

both sets

oh, the horror
the absolute horror

heaven
in hell on earth

i've slipped

i'm so drunk i've slipped

i drank so much
i accidentally miss you

cracked cups
stained sheets
peeling paint
haunted house
broken back
lustful lungs
strangled screams
healing heart

She wasn't beautiful, no.
Not in society's perception of beauty
But she was beautiful,
in the way she spoke and the way she said your name.

She was beautiful in the way her fingers lingered on the objects that she touched, as if she was caressing each one
and the way in which  she gazed longingly at the golden sunset from her rooftop.
She wasn't beautiful, she wasn't perfect or astounding.

But she was flawless in how she cared,
how she gave away so willingly, how she understood.
There was no mistaking the beauty in which her eyes radiated love at the sound of your name
There was a breathtaking perfection in how she laughed for the consolation of those around her.
No, she didn't have a beautiful face or a hot summer body.
But she ways beautiful in all that she was,
pure honesty in what she believed,
and graceful in the way she carried her soul.

She was the girl writing poetry in the back of the class
and she was irrelevant to you,
you didn't notice her then but you can't imagine life without her now.

She is beautiful, treasure her.

When the coldness of the world,
Crosses the heart
The choices it gives,
Are both hard to set apart

To fall,to break,to lose this fight
Or to harden this heart
To turn to stone,
To turn from the light

Are these my choices?
Is there one that is right?
Or is there another way through this fog,
this darkness,this blight

Can I harden myself only so far to be,
A stronger version of this person,
This person they call me

Or do i simply give in,
And be no more,
Say I have fought enough,
I want peace,
I want it all to go,

I am not sure if i can choose,
I am just surviving another day,
And if there are others who feel the same,
Let us walk together,
Searching for another way