They say you must try
and never give up.
What they don't say is:
it's not that easy.
They let you on your own
to figure out that
trying is just as hard as
being a quarterback;
making the best dessert;
or even standing up and speaking.
I must put effort
and work
and responsibility
and dedication
into trying.
I do not think
I have the strength for that.

I chased my demons
as if I was a kid again
chasing my friends around the playground

but this time,
I just couldn't catch up.

I keep trying to rewind
back through the track
connected to my eyes
try to find the sight
of you
trying to re-see
when you were right in
front of me
re-feel your warmth,
your frame,
your scar
try to wind back
I don't know if I've lost it
the way your kiss felt,
the comfort you once brought me

these ghosts that wander
through my house
I can hear their
padded footsteps
I must remember
the way those feet
once felt so good against
my own
the touch that was
an immediate reaction
I must find
all the little pieces of
these things I don't remember
and can't forget

So I can sew them together
And set them free.
And accept that I will never again see
the scarred boy from my memories