when you pulled my trigger,
did you smile, lioness?

ricochet, ricochet.

did i want you?
for security i suppose.

when you kiss him,
will you think of me?
i doubt it.

feed my self-loathing machine.
it's hungry.

all the nights
are all mine.

all the girls,
they got no time.

all the nights
will find you in his arms.

all the girls
will conspire against me, alright?

manufacture fine ******* feelings,
smile quazi-sincere,
i never, you never, i never meant anything.

i fell for you fast, lioness.

that is always a turn-off.
i should have been an *******.
that's your type.
*******.

i kissed you.
but it didn't matter.
your breath went heavy,
but it doesn't matter.
i ended a relationship for you,
but it doesn't matter.

it's a fashionable game,
i fronted as a washed up bukowski-type,
and when you found out i was nice
you disowned me,
understandable move.

copingstrategies.copingstrategies.copingstrategies.

bring­ on the vultures.
i'll make them songs,
coffee,
and friendly emotions.

pick me apart,
promise i can watch.

pick me apart,
promise i can watch.

let the beautiful boy tame you, lioness.
your hundreds of miles away, anyhow.

let me turn to vapor.
don't talk to me.
don't ask around about me.
answers will frighten.
answers will anger.

i am barely alive.
you were selfish.
i am barely alive.
you were selfish.

you never paid me a compliment
only talked of all the other lovers.
you never cared what i had to say
only talked of your own experience each day.

i thought you were different in your own way.
your different in the same way.
turn to grey.
**** him and your pain away.

i ended everything to begin again.
i ended everything and nothing started.
i ended and found myself in the abyss.

hellhole, hope you aren't happy.
i'm malaise.
i'm the wasp nest.
if you ask to rekindle.
i'll douse myself,
and set myself to flame before
you ever get near.

don't anybody touch the remnants of me.
i want to die this way.
i want to die everyday.
i miss the comfort of everything.

i don't have the energy to start again,
nor do i have the self-esteem to move my feet,
i was wrong,
no dancing at my end times,
just knives,
fevers, and cobwebs.

i laughed out of irony.
i laughed out of spite for me.
goodnight everything.

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

It stuck to her lips- ethanol;
Seeping through those crevices-
wax-painted , yet supple, soft;
Like the rest of her.

Those droplets still dangled,
Wavering- clenching;
the bitter doses
and their vibgyor spirals- spun;

these voices needed to be hushed-
so we decided to use a cigarette,
to burn our souls
…and hide behind the smoke;

Now it was just us,
those anaerobic strings of air,-spinning,
the shadows slipping, across the walls-
those rays of light softly reflecting
…from her thighs;

Her fingers trembled,
Skin on skin- and fermentation-
She stung; like vinegar,
that promise of toxic sweetness still lingered;

So we drove on, like empty vessels-
Trying.
Yet it didn’t exist.

Anthea bade me tie her shoe;
I did ; and kissed the instep too:
And would have kissed unto her knee,
Had not her blush rebuked me.