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there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?
Silver smoke blurring your vision
Noisy TV distracting your mind
Shallow books keeping you busy
Detached, isolated, standing apart

Unable to forgive or forget the past
Bitterness poisoning your feelings
Incapable of showing love
Absent from life, inaccessible
Unaware of your greatness

Master of pain and resent
Forever a victim you remain
Weeping past events  
Detesting life all the way  
For what you will never repent

Master of disguise
Never showing feelings
Always wearing your iron mask
Books and TV help you forget the life you hate
Smoking keeps your monsters away

Always longing for your deserting mum
For you always felt “not good enough”
Constantly grieving the only man you ever loved
For he was killed on your wedding day
Forever resenting the unwanted child
For whom you married the wrong guy

Master of revenge
An eye for an eye  
Always haunted by the past
The world has to endure your pain
No matter what

Motherhood couldn’t mend your shattered heart
For you stayed loyal to your acrimony
Eternal victim of your bitterness
Afraid of abandonment, deserting everybody
© Gabriela Abalo

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