i met a boy
who’s demons you could see
dancing down hallways.
he sang with the birds in the citrus trees.  
music dripped from him like blood from his flesh.
there’s some red flags,
but many more green.


250220//a.r.

“nov. 2017”

silence is loud
silence is hearing nothing but
the crickets
and a heart pumping blood.
abandonment
is coming home to the same unwashed dishes
and the same baron bookshelf
and the same
silence.
regret is looking at an empty staircase
and recalling every yell and sob it has seen.
disappointment is a cage,
a cell,
a young boy calling for help.
a tall boy trapped in hell.
a kind boy stuck inside himself.

“dreams: four nineteen a.m.”

naked bodies dance
to music we made in his
soft linen sheets.
his Greenwich apartment
is filled with brick walls and unfinished art;
it smells of leather and rain.
we fold our bodies into different shapes
on mats on the floor.
he assures me
my heart will not break anymore.
i look at my hand and a ring
reminds me this is my forever

then my thoughts fade into heather.
my eyes spring open,
eager for his warm embrace-
instead i lay in an Ikea bed with jersey sheets.

i suppose i shall continue to dream until our hearts finally meet.

ar

“home”

my curves call him over-
every crease and cut is his to paint.

my eyes see thirty years into the future;
french doors swing open to reveal a
danish garden in the
spanish countryside.
i kiss my three children with my heart,
i kiss him with my mind.
tuscan tiles tell tales while i
chop cherry tomatoes.
our cottage is cozy and cluttered with scents of
cammomile, cedar, cinnamon.
i couldn’t have dreamed of contentment like this.
i can die happy with them by my side.

ar

“jazz”

sweet sax drizzles itself over me
like honey,
sticking to my limbs-
oh so sweet.
on the day my heart smiled,
the sky was lilac,
and filled with cotton candy clouds.
the birds sang like piano keys;
the bees, like bass.
the flowers shared their tender smiles and
transported me to a time where
he and i
were real
and our hearts could smile freely.

ar

“d.r.”

i’d sail the earth to find him.
i’ve seen into the minds of men,
i’ve read their eyes,
i’ve kissed their fears;
but not one has touched my heart the way he has.

i have not kissed, touched, or known him,
yet
his heart is pure and
my bones ache for his embrace.

i yearn for his tough skin in my sheets.
i long for silence in his company.

i wish to sit in the pale moonlight and
kiss him til my heart and his
are married
and pregnant with our third child.

i want to know him for all eternity.

ar

“two thousand five hundred and fifty four”

never get drunk and think about
the boy you love
that lives thousands of miles away.

don’t let your lips get wet
at the thought of his ***** hands.

ignore your increased heartbeat
when you relive him ordering
a cup of black coffee.

don’t allow your eyes to leak
when you remember his french girlfriend
and the fact that you and he
will never
be together again.

ar