Guarded within the old red wall's embrace,
Marshalled like soldiers in gay company,
The tulips stand arrayed. Here infantry
Wheels out into the sunlight. What bold grace
Sets off their tunics, white with crimson lace!
Here are platoons of gold-frocked cavalry,
With scarlet sabres tossing in the eye
Of purple batteries, every gun in place.
Forward they come, with flaunting colours spread,
With torches burning, stepping out in time
To some quick, unheard march. Our ears are dead,
We cannot catch the tune. In pantomime
Parades that army. With our utmost powers
We hear the wind stream through a bed of flowers.

I once met a girl that made me feel as if we were the last humans on earth
we spent most of our days traveling to different coffee shops around the world
when we weren't sipping coffee from our mugs, we were blaring our favorite albums down the highway
I remember our old faded red jeep that we constantly had to stop to admire the views from around the world
as we stopped she would get out and snap different pictures and collect them for memories
after we climbed back into the vehicle and drove a few more hours down the road we took our final stop at a small coffee shop that was decorated with many flowers and plants
of course this was her favorite considering you never saw her without a small yet vivid yellow daisy stuck in her hair
this was the happiest I've ever seen her, with a huge white smile glued to her face as we walked out of the shop and took off in the jeep



a few miles down the road we came to a complete stop
this time it wasn't to take pictures or admire the view
I saw the yellow mug she had with her shattered on the ground
I saw the daisy flowing in the wind
and the front bumper of the jeep pushed inward with smoke flying out of the engine
I heard loud sirens rushing up behind me or maybe those were just in my head
my arms were ripped from the glass
my head was bashed and bruised making my vision blurred and clouded
I called out her name, over and over and over again
my voice shaky, timid, and flooded with fear



on the day of her funeral I sat for hours in the rain after everyone left
I finally told her how mesmerizing and beauteous she was
and how I had fallen deep in love with her along the journey
I got up, placing daisies and her most cherished yellow mug that I glued back together on top of her casket
and walked away

Free your castles to the sky.
Hold a hand
Other than yours
And speak
Like you never met me,
As I go from passing glance
To stare.

Let January be itself
And us
The month to follow
Or months
If your heart seemed willing:

For I am not your friend
Or a stranger
That wanted to be.
I'm just in love,
And in love
I breathe anew.

So search now
As if you haven't found me,
But as for me,
I've found my heart

© 2010 J.S.P.

tell me what keeps you awake at 2 am
whether it’s the girl who took the knife of her absence and stabbed it into your sternum
or the loneliness that swallows your skin

play the one song which releases the floodgates in your eyes
and let me listen to it over and over again
until i find which line makes your heart drop to your stomach

describe the story of your body to me
tell me of the invisible scars too
and with each detail you describe
i will make a map
so i know which road bumps to avoid
or which holy sites to fall to my knees and kiss the ground of

remember that
i wear a mask brimming with self confidence and an armor of words that are both easy to tear for they were thin like tissue to begin with
i am sensitive
taking to hurt the way a sponge absorbs water

do not hide me behind closed doors or keep me entrapped in bed sheets
when you walk past me, do not pull your hood over your head and avert your gaze
i need you to look at my eyes as if they illuminated the entire world
and kiss my lips as if they are what allow you to breathe

open the door.
bring me flowers.
because the only boy who did either was my 5th grade boyfriend

be willing to meet my family and friends
for they were the ones who created the marble statue whom you marvel at today

take note of how my heart is a reflection of myself
how she is too kind and will kiss the same man who tore her in two
so please do not say words which will make her wings flutter
if you are not ready to be the nest she flies to

let me know that me, as myself, i am enough
that i do not need to be a chameleon
dipping myself in new colors each day to please you

remember the little things about me
like how my first phrase i uttered was shut up to a man in an elevator or the delight i take in handwritten letters and mix CDs, or the significance of my first tattoo
because everything about you is being etched into the walls of mind
so that i can never forget

trace your fingers with a loving tenderness over my scars from the times i transformed my body into a crucifix
pinning my hands and feet onto a cross out of habit
thinking love was a word synoymous with self sacrifice

you must learn my language
know what zips my lips into silence
know the difference between when i want to give up versus when i will actually do so
and be there to hold me when the seams start to unravel

if you want me to love you
know that many have tried and failed
that people like me are not meant to be soft
if you want me to love you
know that to me
love is not a word you spit out of your mouth and juggle in your hands
you need to promise that our love won’t be like an hourglass
for my body has been disfgured enough from the times my chest turned inside out from the pang of abadonment
if you want me to love you
reaffirm my body is a kindgom, my heart is the treasure, and that i am your queen
paint pictures for me in what you do and say
telling me i am worthy to be loved, worthy to be kept, and worthy to stay

but if you really want me to fall in love with you
tell me what you see right before you close your eyes at night to fall asleep
and if you tell me it’s me
i will fall unfathomably further for you than i already have