his hands make an island of me
and my trees sway in his breaths
my waters churn in hurricane season
he is hurricane season
he is at one hundred every time I look
he is at ten thousand every time I look away
the wind is blowing blowing
and I am heat and salt and searing drops
I am the hurricane
and he is hurricane season

it doesn't even feel real when he's away
and I wish I had words to make him stay
I'm tired I'm tired I'm fading I say
that there's no way to keep him and still feel okay
yet there's something inside him that that keeps them away
those fun little demons that come out to play
when I'm completely alone at the end of the day
so I'm trying and trying to just find a way
to keep him and keep all these spirits at bay

I know a lot of things
like the capitals of most countries in Africa
and how to rationalize a denominator with a radical in it
and how to conjugate subjunctive verbs in Spanish

I know how to tie my shoes
two different ways
and I know how to tuck in the laces so I don't have to tie them at all

I know too many people's phone numbers
and how to make a cup of tea

I know that it is foolish to give yourself completely to a person.
I know that heartbreak is almost always inevitable
and that love hurts as much as it helps

I know all of these things, and

I know you take your tea with two spoons of sugar a little milk
I know your favorite Spanish word and its Aztec origins
I know that you're awful and algebra
and that you know more about geography than I could ever hope to learn

I know your phone number
and that you wish I would just tie my shoes so that the laces wouldn't come untucked when I walk too fast

I know you
and I know love
and I love you

hair falls in my face and I leave it
it is your job to tuck it back behind my ear
when you are gone I feel you in every moment
I am breathing in your scent
I am feeling your breaths on my neck
your love is all around me in every passing moment
I can hear you all the way from here darling
I can hear you

maybe I am beautiful and maybe there are galaxies inside of me but all that is nothing compared to your eyes on a cold day
and maybe just a memory is enough to keep me up at night? and maybe the way you move is enough to make me feel uncomfortable?
maybe I am strong and maybe my soul has a suit of armor but what if I still can't sleep at night
what if I will never sleep at night
what if you were my only hope at a good night's sleep
maybe I had a warm meal and maybe I had three but what if my stomach will always be empty in the space you used to occupy

why am I writing about you as if you've already gone?

how can someone still alive already haunt you?

your breaths are sending cracks through my chest plate
my armor is cracking into pieces while my fairy tale knight is hitting me with his sword
when did this become a duel?

you became mine in ways I am finding difficult to explain.
you were not a typical lover.
you did not give me happiness;
you stayed by my side and brutally eyed me until I found it myself.
now you will be the muse behind my own eye for however many years there are to come.