loving someone is hard. very hard.
because you cant stop thinking about them and every little thing makes you insecure.

because you spend all day waiting for them to call and when they finally do at 1 in the morning,
you force yourself awake just to hear their voice.

because you haven't talked to them in a week and you want to cry.

because you can’t live without them, and ‘god i hope i don't ever have to.’

because they fill the space in between life and busy.
the quiet moments that were empty before.

because nothing makes you happier than seeing them.
and nothing makes you happier than that except holding them.

because all the love stories and love songs and ballads and poems,
were written for the both of you.

because they’re the first person you think of when you wake up.
the last person you think of when you go to bed.
and the only thing you can remember about your dreams.

because you want to make yourself better, you don't deserve them.

because you want to **** them, they made you so worried.

because you miss them, and you’re lonely.
and no one else can make it better.

loving someone is hard.

i think too much
about throwing up
about emptying
that which people tell me
is wrong.

to society
i am
disgusting
i am
too fat
i am
repulsive
"no one wants to look at THAT"
they say.
because beautiful
is malnourished bones
thighs that don't touch
stick-thin arms
bony
ribcages...

it has been POUNDED INTO ME
that beautiful is NOT
what i am
that beautiful
is achieved by the shape of your body...
and maybe i'm not a perfect size
maybe my stomach isn't flat
maybe my thighs
are chubby
maybe
i'm not a lot of things
but i believe
that i AM
beautiful...
and no amount
of ugly hearted people
who tell me that i am not
will get to me.

i was made like this
and i would not change it
for the world.
**** it,
*******
generation.