I shake,

              I drip

                drip
                  

                drip

                

                down.

A convulsing mess
in woman's clothes.

Oh pretty little thing
You've gone and lost your precious ring
And with it all you desire
Has been lost into the burning fire

Flesh on bones, on muscle, on thought
All wrapped up and overwrought
Fellow wont you hold her tight
In warm arms wont you plight

I shake,

              I drip,

                drip
                  

                drip

                

                down.

                Salty, wet, silly girl
                Given in to furl
                Sobbing for boy
                That takes away her joy
                He doesn't seem to know
                How much you hate
                His willingness to go.

A creature came and she took your name
and strewn it out across the lane
and said- "how does it feel to breath again?"

And her question caught you so off guard
that you felt the last acrylic shard
release- from your chest.

Then she took your hand and she led you down
to the simple place of earth and sound
and told you- this is what you’ve missed.

And how in shock you felt  as you gazed around
at this lovely place of earth and sound
and feel- so mean inside.

So mean you thought that you had been
for leaving all your childhood grins
to wander- all of the grandeur unnoticed.

Then you felt the warmth on your skin
of the giant sun and angel-kin
of the light ones- those holy ghosts you’ve known.

And the creature- she smiles up at you,
and she knows- that you know what to do;
Just love- and cherish- everything.

May I
borrow
you
For a while?
I promise
not to hurt...

Till
tomorrow,
No later
I promise
I wont divert you long…

I know
you are
limited
In time
that can be taken.

I know
it deeply
Somewhere sore
that misses you,
and cannot be ignored.

So may I
Please?
Love you for today?

May I
Love you
In this fleeting way?

A lease on a loved one
is what I'll have with you

And I'll take this given time
and cherish it truly

So may I
Please?
Love you for today?

May I
Love you
In this fleeting way?

Sit down, review, respond
isn't this what we do?
complements are thrown
creations flit around
and it doesn't mean anything

Unless...

you say something that touches me

Unless...

you say something that punches me

Sitting, reviewing, attempting a response
this is what I try to do
you belittle me when there is clearly a child
can't I refrain from vulgarity if I choose?
but my anger doesn't mean anything

Because...

that is what you want from me

Because...

that is why you said it

and you are condescending
and thinking- that I am "stupid"
that I am belittling an art
putting myself up
on a pedestal
that I am "too cool"

However...

I refuse to engage you in cutting transfers

However...

I will respond to your guttural slurs
with my thoughtful neutral words

I venerate and hold memories
That cover my hands like you did
Conforming to my flesh and warming me
A pair of gloves to stave off the cold of missing you

I taste what you left me
And I am reminded of your lips
That impressed upon me
What it means to wish

I am ardent for that seeping joy
The deep chords that your hands would play
Softly and sweetly entreating me
To desire and sing for you

I hear your voice transmitted
Missing inflections and a face
You are half realized
In this way- but

You still cover me with care
Your affection tailored to my tiny hands
Love is all encompassing
You are my definition.

Do you remember when there was no such thing as time and we were all that were? Sitting, laying, touching, laughing, and loving one another in-between my life and yours. Your life, your family and your home; years that defined you, people who loved you and a refuge from humanity and all that was false in your eyes, your dark lovely eyes. And mine, stability built up from a cliffs edge, devotion and love- caring for blood that defined what home was to me; no walls or place. Moments and feelings that I treasure and recall are what we have, and I find that they are not enough to fill the days without you...

My dreams of a family, of solid ground, that I won't be left alone or forced to roam as so many have before me. I wonder about your dreams and what they might be. But our time has been too brief; I barely know you. But I do know of you and some parts come through our distance and space. Which lead me to believe that you don't have dreams, not truly, not like I do. Just as your sleep is not visited by flashing pleasantries, your conscious state isn't either...

Is it?

In a moment fully and only allowing contentment, as long as you have control. And when you don't clutching to stave off admitting a black mood; acknowledging only furthering it's substance. At least- that is what you've said, or what I've remembered. But I couldn't see your lips moving; I can't know that it is real, your words. Just as I can't truly know that you are real when you aren't here. All memories and feelings of devotion could be from my own mind's making, complete, and seemingly whole, but devoid; as then my life would be.

You could just be a story, a lovely story.

She had meant for it to come out as a fact, immovable and unwavering.
But when she looked into his eyes and said
"We will see each other in three months," it sounded as unmeant questions do; lacking and without command of reality.
Had she looked into his eyes, truly?  Holding him there so that there was no way to deny her? And the truth that his absence hurt her? Had he said anything in return? Anything to placate?
She can't remember. Recalling their awkward moments was like trying to find something nice to say when someone complimented you and feeling obligated to reciprocate. Attempting to find anything genuine to give back for their kindness. It was difficult, unnerving and slightly comforting all at once. To find that she was comforted by her lack of remembrance was nigh infuriating. All thoughts that lead to him warmed and soothed her, even those that made her miserable. Because they were the pieces that she had of him, and so- they were precious.

Do you remember when there was no such thing as time and we were all that were? Sitting, laying, touching, laughing, and loving one another in-between my life and yours. Your life, your family and your home; years that defined you, people who loved you and a refuge from humanity and all that was false in your eyes, your dark lovely eyes. And mine, stability built up from a cliffs edge, devotion and love- caring for blood that defined what home was to me; no walls or place. Moments and feelings that I treasure and recall are what we have, and I find that they are not enough to fill the days without you...

"How'd you get so messed up?"
That's one way to put it
I've always tried to learn from your experiences.

"They're three?"
Pleasure and release
That's one way to find yourself.

"Is she their mother?"
You'd think I was older
Two kids and thirteen haven't happened here.

"When mom gets home..."
I'll try to forget what I do
I'll try to forget what I didn't do
and in this I will learn from you
your beautiful mistakes
that are us; your daughters.

I cannot stop you from
Slicing through the flesh
To bring searing the pain
When time slips the knife
Let that throbbing life remain

Child romance, I didn’t think it was
I had small hands in your grasp

I considered expressing “hellos and best wishes”
Reality, said I shouldn’t try too hard
Literal, thought it hadn’t been the eternity needed
And logic reasoned I should wait till' you thought of "hellos" too

These truths wouldn’t console me
When you’d tell of your sold soul
Nor would they sew my confidence back
Once you delivered your sharp words

But I want to speak to you to feel closer to what once was true.

Our rings to shield, the rings to conserve
Rings to claim we loved one another
Were rusted with the
Liquid I cried, exchanged and used,
I was left so dehydrated from the wound that was you.

And that is when I remember what you had been,

When your touch was no longer lightning to my skin
And you were only mildly fascinating like a passing rain
You were wrenched and I became deluded for what I thought was love

But then those truths in the catacombs of my mind
Broadcasted and advertised along your every touch, your every kiss
Expressing a child romance
And what you really were to me
Passing

You are the Coke you once drank,
contradictory, sickly biting sweet.
I want you to hear what is true
through- your overtly carbonated
beliefs.

Because-

I know what I believe hurts you
Because your Pop stings my gums and swallows my teeth
I know that you cannot accept what was said
Because the fizz of your mind contorts me for your own sanity.

But-

I know that you don't know what I believe
Because if you did you'd break your old fashioned bottle
and begin to listen to me.

I want you to hear the lies
you've had me drink;
I want you to realize their hypocrisy.
Please, take a sip of your own Cola sting
Because you aren't what you think.

Supplicate my need
perspiration collects & I follow.
Desire me,
a lack of understanding ensues.

Consider my will
winds howl, caught & I follow.
Find me,
a certainty of all of the unaware.

Placate my lust
smoke pervades & I follow.
Love me, please
cause I don't see tomorrow.

                  & This is what I ask
                      This is my need
                      This is my will

You concede to familiarity
& live your life day to day
Taking me by night
Trading a constant for encompassing days
You are okay

                  & That is what you ask
                      That is your need
                      That is your will

But take my nights, please
I do not reproach you them
Take everything I can give
& all that I cannot

But promise me, please
that once you will pander my need
to be happy

a sanctuary is a figment
that holds onto
crepe thin walls
attempting to console

                                                        ­ & I am so sad,
& I am delicate.


a rectangle-d square
that encases
abundant possessions
wanting purpose

                                                        ­ & I am so sad,
& I am meaningless.


a mirrored niche
that abounds
exorbitant realities
coaxing something

                                                      ­   & I am so sad,
& I am unfound.


my sanctuary is a figment
that I hold onto
nostalgic for touch
I long for you

                                                         & I am so sad,
& I am foolish.

                                                       ­ 
emotional access                               chalant-less spew
you can choose                                 I can't choose
garnered love                                   brained tongue
I give to you                                     given through



& I am so sad,
                       painless in your tone,
                                                         passing as you go.

A new perspective.

                                    In memories
                                    In the now
                                    They are old
                                    They are new
                                    They are wrought.

A budding relationship,  
                                               with it's frailties.
A friendship falling,
                                        lies pervading through.

A mother and her grown daughter,
                                                       ­             both feeling trapped.

Being nervous and excited.
Being irrational and righteous.
Being torn and depleted.

I have grown from this.
I have been burned and healed.
I have cried as have you.

I let your eager hands meet flesh.
I let your desertion make me strong.

                                                But

I will not let you go from this betrayal,
I will not let you explain these discretions away.

Days have gone by enough
that you aren't real anymore.
You are anything and everything
I imagine, but with me.

I can't think you
into my embrace
it's been too long
but I try, oh god...
Do I...

I could, I had,
in sleepy fits
thought of
your presence and
been sweetly surprised
by your warm press.

Sleepy fits that elude me now,
that sting my eyes and
wish for your kisses to take away
the pointless drops
and with them my desperation.

I am desperate, I admit;
for the beginning,
for the end.
For anything that isn't me
alone in this house,
waiting for something
wonderful to take me out
of this middle
and the hurt it means to me.

Sleepy fits teasing me with sheets
and blankets that know.
And their knowing is cruel
because I want more than anything
to be pressed close to you, warm,
and fulfilled for the first time
because you don't have to go.

I want the end,
the end of being lonely.

And the beginning of being with you.

How could I?
When you yell
And change your mind
to suit the current level;
energy you can spare

How could I?
When I confide
And you admit you lied
to suit yourself

How could I appreciate
a liar, a tired resigner
A *******; self focused.

The roof given was warm
until you put a worm beneath it with me.
The lack of attention you gave was forgiven
until you disregarded me and lost my respect.

I fought for you
Told off the ***** callers
I fought off the pity and
Accepted the praise
Because I trusted YOU

You are righteous,
You are hard working,
You are tired,
You are dissatisfied,
You are self-centered,
You are impulsive,
You are resentful,
You don't ever mean "sorry".

Once artistic,
Once thoughtful
Once sweet,
Once kind,
Once did what you taught.

You were my savior
You were my best friend
You were my hero

H.L.C

Glass is what I see you through
The world changes, as does my view
The scene today is pensive
Through my glass you look so defensive
And I want to look at you the way
You really are today

Glass is what holds me from you
The invisible shield that you threw
Unconscious, I'd like to think
But I couldn't know, we aren't in sync
I want to sit by you today
But I don't know if that'd be okay

Glass isn't something you can feel
This view and shield, it isn't real
Not in the way that you are thinking
Not in the way that you are linking
Together these words of mine
I wish that you could align

These things
Humanities endless rings
That each and every soul
Has it's very own glass whole
Of everything that could be
But, it is wholly your choice to see

You're so beautiful
and I feel fake
behind glass
and strings
and someone else's voice.

You're so beautiful
and I feel wretched
inside this skin
and head
and someone else's speech.

You're so beautiful
and your brilliance hurts me
and inspires
and breaks
and enlightens
and smothers me whole.

I've been buried in your creation,
It's time that I am born
to make my own revelation.

Everything is lacking at the end of the day; I know I'm not happy.
Knowing isn't news so- it can't be that bad, right?
I can keep myself busy and forget... mostly.
Small things still make me feel, softness on my feet
encompassing smells, feelings of accomplishment,
but then when I am alone those all fall away,

and I'm not happy and you can't handle that...

I am alone now and this house is big without bodies pressed,
without bodies giggling or whispering too late at night.
I have come to miss them and your substance.
I don't have anyone for that I must care.
So, there is no one I have to be strong for here,
only myself
and me
and I,
and I am one person, there aren't any alter egos here.
and I am not strong without responsibility.

And I am not happy and you can't handle that.
 
Perhaps I'd be more suited to this solitary living if I was someone else, someone more like you.
And perhaps if you knew, truly- you'd break like I do
and make my shattered pieces fit right, and back to being whole.
But I don't tell, I won't, this isn't new
Your presence has always been missed
this- new emptiness
just adds to
the lack of,
and I L-O-V-E... you
But I don't want to tell
because nothing changes,
it can't and I know.

But still, I am not happy
and I don't think that you can handle that.

Think
That I'm inclined
Think me blind
Do you?

Think me only your child
Think of the last time you truly smiled at me

Think of the time when I came to you with trust
Now all that you've made between us is rust

Think
Me naive
Think me to believe
You're the only one right

Think me only young
Think of last night and your words that stung

Think of the night when I came to you with hope
Now all that you've made is us fail to cope

But perhaps this is what you think of me?
I rifted our family

But all I want is for you to know
That your words can be painful
So that you might change them
them & their tone

I just want you to love your daughter
The way you used to do
When I knew...

I am quite optimistic
in everything but the present,
because you are not present.

You supplement me sweetly-
bringing me smiles when I have none,
cutting miles with the passing time.

Fleeting- you are mine.

I jitter and bounce
though I am exhausted,
my lids sinking towards sleep.
I wish to give you something that reminds you of me,
And our love.
                       love.
                              love.

So I give time
instead of ***** paper,
making paper pictures all my own.  
Instead wishing I were sinking in sheets asleep with you
And our love.
                       love.
                              love.

Give me a line to hold you to
I'll keep my fingers wrapped round
And in the pretty recycled picture
you'll see me smiling at you through the hours put into
Our love.
               love.
                      love.

Someday we will have more than this
Someday we will have a daily dose of kisses
Someday we will have smile, a shiver , a shudder
Someday you will be more than just my distant lover

Written nerves of attraction
make me miss you
differently expressed than I know
you excite in a comforting way

Displayed affection of others
make me miss you,
all seen never felt
but if you were here, if only you were

Craving these things that are entirely untrue
but they are when I'm with you, they are
Needing these things that aren't new
but they are when I'm with you, they are

All of it's expressions
make me miss you
pale and fleeting
till our next meeting
those touches
those words written and heard
make me miss you
and love you terribly

Love and all of it's expressions
make me miss you,
I love you terribly.

I'll add a line today if you do the same tomorrow
Shifting perspective back and forth from this day to the next
If we try perhaps they can be woven into something that is "together"
Instead of "distant" and "away," longing to be whole as I do.

Blurring lines might help this forced insomnia of mine,
Melding might ease your mind,
If we try perhaps we can fill each others chinks and bruises with comfort
Instead of words caressing in place of hands and lips.

Though I always love your words, I crave them physically.
Watching your lips move in the steady cadence that is yours naturally
and the thrumming and rumble of the air expelling through them
my ear on your chest,
my hand below your moving ribs,
riding pleasantly in time with your lover's lilt.

To know you "now", instead of "then".
With no more "Is everything okay?" because you know.
Coalescing what is separate, into one
My happiness becoming whole because my days are now with you.

So I will add my line today, tomorrow please will you?

If there is something hidden
That is allochthonous,
A tiny, distant shard
Pure and iridescent,
No matter the beauty
Honesty has no place
In this well of confusion.

If there is something lost
That is moiety in nature
A sure, capable life
Destined to go blindly
No matter how bright
Honesty has no place
In this well of confusion.

If there is something inside
That is lost, that is allochthonous
Beautifully, alive & whole
Unknowing of it's fate
No matter that I wish
It was still a fragment
Honest love has no place
In the well of my profusion

When that something
Is not myself, but you.

There is a lack of anything brilliant
and I let you make it that way.
You are obsessive and cold;
I was reeled in.

Time passes, an eon ensues
and I still can't lie down.
I'm oppressed and growing older;
I was cajoled by you.

There is a warmth in my arms,
and he is my beacon.
You are a memory, old.
I was right.

Time goes on with me
and without me, you do too.
There is only one thing left,
one thing that is still you.

Night.

My days turned Night.

I feel numb, but only in my arm;
That's where the work goes.
It creeps along stealing away
all I should be feeling.
Besides it's existence,
For existence doesn't fade away
Till there are none that remember
And so
It reminds me of forgetting you
Becoming numb to your receding touch
Until it's memory is but a mere and faint brush
A pressure forgotten for which I now wish for so much.

I wish that I could write you something that would say
I've never felt this way about anyone else

That I could see you and me clasping each others hands
and making plans for the long run

Oh dear boy
wont you be my man
wont you be my man
wont you be?

And so when I ask you to be mine
I mean for all time, I do, do you?

That I want to wake every morning entwined
with your legs and arms and lips, I wouldn't mind

Oh dear boy
wont you be my man
wont you be my man
wont you be?

Can we pretend we're in ireland
on the 29th of february

So that I could go down on one knee
and ask you my sweet boy to marry me

Please dear boy
wont you be my man
wont you be my man
wont you be?

Wont you please
marry me...

Woman I can't see you,
where did you go?

The forms that surround you
are solid, you glow.

If I peer shyly toward
some substance appears,

Yet if I look too hard
you are swallowed in tears.

My hardening heart can see
but doesn't imbue.

I blink, it couldn't be true,
all along it was you.

I asked a man a question I'd been thinking.
"Why is it that humans scopes have been shrinking?"
He gave me a frown,
And looked me up and down
Then told me that I should start drinking.

A blinding light in the dark
The one to flare my single spark
The sweetest to my heart
The one that fills the largest part
A puzzle when first met
A heavy, weighty bet
Many moments pass
Waiting to amass
The pieces to direct me
To realize the need be
Filled, cause it was planted
All I ever wanted
To know who
The one

You

She is a selfish girl;
She dreams selfish things.
She wants more from him;
She wants more than what he brings.

Dreaming of a change in him is a torture she bears;
Dreaming of something that cannot be theirs.

Do tell sweet boy,
Tell of all that you want;
Tell again
              and
                   again
        and      
again
        until your words run out.

She will be wanting to hear you speak those
slow
        rhythmic
                      dreams.

She will be wanting to hear your lips move with
love
       captivated
                       streams.

Until your thoughts have been impressed,
shifting from their former state.
And your thoughts have been professed
outward, instead of closed to their fate.

Your new ideals on life intone
And your mouth is speaking themes.
Those thoughts are now your own,
And they are her dreams.

Sisters can be difficult creatures,
The towels left transforms me into a preacher.
They combine and plead that it wasn't either- of them,
Defending that they are benign and not leavers.
But I do not accept their lines, I rebut them and decline
What they are feeding me and a desire to confine them- overwhelms.
But instead of convulsing into a seizure or giving in to something malign and of a devious nature,
My words become fiercer as I deliver my "bottom-line"
To those rascally creatures that I wish to refine.
Yet I can hear features of mine, in their voices, before I was their keeper and only nine,
And it made me realize that I, too, once was a creature and not fully defined.
Calming down I enshrine myself and become a wistful dreamer.
To have things I've made stay made would be sublime, and so much cleaner.
And so- in my confines dreaming of refined sisterly creatures, I recline.
Alas, being a teacher makes me want to lie supine.

It's in the eyes
That's how you know
The lies
The love
How you shove me away
And draw me back.

Without the muscles
Would they still bore
Numb to any coaxing
No way of showing
Or would you?
Find a way to tell me what you wish to say
Even when the needles thick into you
Taking what you have earned
You giving it away

It's in the eyes
That's how I know
When the hours show
When the blood has tired out
And I must let go

A small syringe placed just so
To let the laughter and anger go
To wipe away and smear the story
Of my sorrow and my glory

It's in my eyes
And in the base
Where it's stored and understood
It's in my eyes
And in my head
The sleep I need to erase
Everything you've done.

Sticks & stones
They pierce my flesh
But your words,
They break my being
Suppose if you opened your eyes
Maybe then I could begin healing
For those cutting sounds
Formed by lip and tongue
I will forever bare
Perhaps if you could feel their blow
Maybe then you would begin to care
To know of Love

The paper told me something different than it told you.
How can ink speak so clearly and still we get it all wrong?
These things I ask but I feel so far gone, so far gone..

Darling you said it's gone and I did too,
but what does that mean for me and for you?
Could we cage it?
Could we mark it in stain?
And when it's all gone can we remain, can we remain?

The radio wailing has turned it's voice too loud,
and it's speaking is not always true, I've found.
In little voices and silent terms, the key of subjectivity yearns
and it can't remain when Truth is so wrong, when your Truth is so wrong.

What we have been told and what we have taken
seems to have constantly been mistaken into something else
that eludes logical comprehension.
We strive to provide the lies that we like and turn all else to
dice that roll on the table sides only to remain a piece of the game,
the same old wrong game..

One day let us pray that what we all say and what we all hear
is exactly what was intended, no context to fear.
And the people that speak, one day will we meet, and a blossoming might surface.
And that will be the day that the paper told me what it did you;
The day that I might understand.

You are the reason that I survive, Truth.