I just wanted you to notice me.
I wanted you to notice that I put mascara on,
I wanted you to tell me my eyelashes looked pretty.
I wanted you to see my subtle cleavage
and know that it was just for you.
I wanted to give you my skin,
give it to your fingertips.
I put on lace underwear,
our little secret.
I just wanted you to get me alone
and whisper to me
the things that no one else is allowed to hear.
I wanted you to pull me in close,
and press your love into me.
I wanted you to stamp it onto my heart
with a breath-taking kiss when nobody's looking.
I felt so invisible I had to hurt.
I know you can see me but I'm out of focus.
You love me but do you see inside me?
Can you see the sad, confused girl?
She needs you.
She needs you so much she doesn't know how to ask.

I told myself it was good enough because it's what I used to write anyways. It was never very classy but at least it was something. There are times when it's enough to pretend it was real.
This time I was lying naked in my bed in the dark. Finally getting used to sleeping without clothes on. That's when I remembered the blue hair. I doubt this is anything but that's the fun of it I guess. A dream within a dream. Her legs are peaches and cream in those little dresses. The weird thing is I have to set up a back-story before I can get to the meat of the situation. Before I could choose the entirely wrong word to describe a lesbian encounter. Not meat. The opposite.
    and so much more delicious.

I think it was because I winked at her. Our smirks matched.
                   this was cute.

If you wrapped your arm around me,
you'd feel my heartbeat increase.
Racing to catch up with the touches,
saving up to pay the price.
Giving me away again.

I convinced myself it wouldn't be different.
I would just be holding your hand sometimes,
to feel a bit closer.
Some moments would be ever so slightly sweetened
yet beautiful in their own right.
We would be sleeping side by side,
dreaming together.
Without being reminded we would be cared for.
I would be able to see what I love about life reflected off of you.
You would be my favorite shoulder to rest on.
I would be your friend. I would be your lover.
I would be
we could be
but you can't.

I am the snake bearing fruit.
The one with the sneaky soul.
These gifts I bring are not sincere.
Here's hoping the sweetness destroys you.
My motives are in question.
They always have been.
I am not a good person.
There is death behind this smile.

There's a toss up
  in the air
and it must come down
it must.
The choices are trust
with the crusts cut off
or *** with your clothes still on.
A dried up ******* in a
a small room with a broken door
there's something to decide.
  and I decided I don't care
except that i always do.
With a myriad of moments
dosed in darkness
vague shapes fail to excite
a detached heart.
Beating while it beats,
fighting while it feasts.
  It's in the air,
permeates the atmosphere
but never could it do that here.
With an altitude altered attitude
how's the view?

My legs are made of jello.
I keep inhaling and exhaling
in awe and disbelief
whispering "oh my god"
to myself
as I walk home.
Did that really just happen?
I really felt that,
it was mine for a moment.
I had the shape of your body,
the taste of your lips,
the sound of your breath.
They entranced me.
Your fingertips
dance across me.
I haven't felt this,
it's new.
I've felt a longing mostly,
so the mutual desire
it blows my mind.
I can see it all over your face
when you look at me,
and you actually see me.
Caught up in a tornado,
a whirlwind of lust.
Your touches tingle.
I'm breathing way too loud
and too fast.
Still in disbelief
of where your hands are
on my body.
Entirely focused on your fingers.
****.
Everything about you feels so good.