You have to sing quieter
So soft no one can hear
It's an alto's time to shine
I'm singing loud and clear

A year ago, I was in a relationship with a girl. I thought I was in love. I thought she was the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. A year later, I realize that she isn't. You are. You. This love is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. I'm so blessed to call you my own.

A year ago, you urged me to do what was best for me - and that changed everything.
A year later, you're urging me to do what is best for you - and that changes everything.

I'm finally speaking up
I'm finally letting it out

These sheets hold the scent of your skin like your hands hold the warmth of my heart

Your lips hug my pulse as your hand clutches my heart

It's been a month full of
permanent smiles, resonating laughs, sleepy voices, and open hearts.
You're changing me everyday
and I couldn't be more grateful.

Some hurts never heal
Some ghosts are never gone
...but we move on

your stupidity baffles me

Your bones shift under tanned skin
and I want to melt into you, to morph our bodies together until neither of us know who is who

In the past 2 months, I've been asked the same question over and over: "How did you date her for so long?".
Usually, my response is "I have no ******* clue". And sometimes, I really don't. You'll do ****** up stuff, like trying to build a relationship with one of our good friends, and I'm back to square one and that question. How did I date you for so long? I think back on some of our "dates". The tea room, the lakefront, the floor of my bedroom. Those were the good times and I cherish them. But then I remember the not so good times. The pain of June, the heartbreak of July, the tears of February -- times when I thought neither of us would make it out alive. And we didn't, did we? Not in the end. We both came out with scrapes and bruises to our bodies, minds, and souls. People told me in July to end what we had, but they didn't understand my love for you. You made me so happy and I you. How could I end that? What would have happened to you if I had said "No more"? I know how depressed I would have been. How was I to walk in darkness without my single light? I'm sure I would've built the walls again, brick by cracked brick, but I wouldn't have been the same. Things would be much different. We would be much different... So I'm back to the question. "How did you date her for so long?"
Truthfully, I still don't know.

As your lips grazed my pulse,
I wondered if you could feel my heart
shuddering in my empty chest

If it seems that there is nothing left to live for, there is love...
Love, above all, wins the fearful fight.

Grip my hand and follow me
I'll lead you down this twisted path
No, it's not according to plan
But I promise it's the way less travelled

He traveled downward
and kissed every scar she left.
Reaching the ones I left,
he glanced up.
Leigh... what is this?
I lost my breath.
Inhale, exhale.
Nothing.
He shook his head, disbelieving.
Look at me... What is this?
How do you explain that
your tears are flammable
and that it isn't too painful
to set them ablaze?
Nothing. Please, just kiss me.
So he did.
Again and again and again...
Until all was forgiven,
but not forgotten.

In the beginning, a glass is empty.
Just a hollow cylinder that's patiently waiting.
It would then be filled with a liquid.
This liquid, whatever it may be, would find itself  
   permeating the glass -- adjusting to its surroundings.
Life.
It's all about your attitude.
Is the glass half full or half empty?  
Do you choose to see life in full daylight  
   or through the lens of your sunshades?
Will you simply adjust to your surroundings
   or will you boldly choose to change them?
It's all on you, really.
So tell me...
Is your glass half full or half empty?

PASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me,          5
I ate with you, and slept with you—your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass—you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you—I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone,
I am to wait—I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
*I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

you ruined it for yourself.

I've spent the past six months loving you with half a heart, but I'm trying to love you fully.

Unruly curls
Bright laughs
Too cold kisses
Ice cream stains
Secret smiles
Moonlit eyelashes
Lingering lips
Soaring hearts

Stay with me
Let's just be

False apologies fall on deaf ears

Don't ruin this safe place, too.

Every nerve was burning over you

My eyes burn with tears unshed.

Looking back, I realize that I "forgave" you too quickly, too easily.
I allowed your lips to touch mine when really, I wanted you no where near me.
I let you into my bed weeks before I was ready to.
Revolted.
Disgusted.
Ashamed to be yours.  
My heart was cracked and bleeding.
What a ******* idiot I was.
I should've ended it then.

Queen. ******* Queen. Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Adam Lambert? Christ, I couldn't believe it. It was going to be amazing. I had been listening to their music the whole eight hour car ride to Houston. One song that had been on repeat was the ballad "Love Of My Life". Every time I listened to that song, I cried. My love for you was so strong then, probably the strongest it had ever been. It reminded me of you. It was six o'clock by to the time we got to Houston. God, that ******* car ride was hell on my back, barely a month post-op. It was worth it. As we walked to the Toyota Center, I thought of you. I ached to have to with me, with your arm around my waist and mine around your neck. We made our way to our seats and patiently -- or not so patiently -- waited for that Q curtain to rise and for the music to spill from their legendary instruments. The curtain rose, the crowd went wild, and I felt my heart climb into my throat. Something's wrong. I looked around but everyone was cheering and singing along. I shrugged it off. That feeling continued for the next hour. The only time it subsided was towards the end of the show. Brian May walked onto the stage alone, his acoustic guitar in hand. He told the crowd that he "wasn't much a singer", but he would sing "Love Of My Life" for Freddie. As the first chords rang out, I sat down and I wept. Disgusting, silent sobs. Why? At the time, I thought it was for Freddie.
Later, I realized that it was for you.

The landing is worse than the fall.

Your lips taste of hope and home.

Speak
   so that I may understand you

I know I'll end up drinking alone
With wine spilling onto the floor
And screams crawling up my throat

"Leigh... I'm not her."
Yes, I know but a hand is a hand and it frightens me nonetheless.
"I'm not going to push myself on you."
Yes, I know but she said that and I don't believe words anymore.
"I wouldn't do that."
Yes, I know but you don't, not really, and I can't explain it.
"I never will, Leigh, please know that."
Yes, I know but she said that, too, and she went back on it.
"I'm sorry."*
Yes, I know.

Are you waiting for my seams to unwind?

New and improved: ten times more self destructive!

Everything you do, you do for you.

What folly of yours
is wisdom of mine

You became who you said you'd never become.

Your apologies are bitter pills.
Swallow them yourself.