I will never be who you wanted me to be

Do you recognize your own vulnerability?

The heart knows what the mind does not

I broke my heart
before you had
the chance to.

You make me nauseous. ******* sick. I am disgusted. Revolted.
How did I ever? ****, how did I ever?

I don't want your **** happiness
I want your demise and your pain and your worthlessness

My god, I feel so free.

Get out of my head

You gave me a bottle of lavender even though you knew I hated it.
I only opened it twice - when I received it and that night.
I found that bottle last night, hidden away in dark corners.
The minute I opened it, I regretted it.
The once sweet smell was putrid.
I coughed and heaved and felt tears ***** my eyes.
No. Please no.
...
Never again. Never.
The memory passed and I saw red.  
I gripped the tiny bottle until my knuckles turned white.
With power I didn't know I had, I threw that bottle at the wall.
It shattered, just like everything else...
So I opened my window and let the world know of your sin.

It's a swing of the hips
and a flick of the wrist
that puts me
at the starting point

I thought that returning to its place of origin would help, but instead I sit and whisper to myself, willing the memories to disappear

"I think I love you. ****, I know it's way too early and things with Rachel didn't end well and you probably aren't ready to say anything along those lines, but... I had to say it or I would've exploded. You don't have to say it back, Leigh. I just had to, still have to, say it.... I love you I love you I love you."

And I guess there's a hidden fear
that if you cheat on this,
what else will you willingly cheat on?

Don't you dare say I didn't try.
You have no idea how hard I tried.
I tried
I tried
I tried

I want to scream and run and sleep and never wake up

Thank you for today
And tomorrow
And the day after that
And the day after that
And the day after that...

When this world upsets me,
this music sets me free

You taste like the sea, the one I've spent years looking out over and wishing it would swallow me whole.

You had to learn the hard way
that you can't always get what you want

Through it all, my heart continues to ache for you.

You had to take my safe place,
the one place your hands hadn't touched

I threw away your things today.
Love letters, fake flowers, incense, clothes.
You gave it to me, it's gone.
I can't stand to look at you, let alone the things you left behind.
So I got rid of it all.
Now, I'm a little bit freer.

Genius in one way.
Idiot in another.
Which one will make you happy?
Which one will take you further?

I spent weeks coughing up blood, but now it races through my veins

It's you, you ******* idiot. You're the one causing your own issues. Are you so blind? For ***** sake. Idiot. ******* IDIOT.

Your breathing was shallow
And I longed for it's warmth
Against my goosebump covered neck

Tears stain my pillow and I wonder how many of them were shed for you

How many nights have I spent with my lanky arms wrapped around a long ago chest caved in, whispering to the wind "I don't want to be here, please help me".

I spent hours in your arms
and realized that there was no place
I would rather be

I'll spend the rest of my life blaming myself for something you did

This is a terrible idea.
I know.
We shouldn't.
Probably not.
You'll regret this.
*Never.

Every time I look at you, I don't understand
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You would've managed better if you had it planned

I'm tired of dealing with something so unimportant

Today I ripped up the first "I love you" note you ever gave me.
It felt good, admittedly.
It felt like fearlessness.
It felt like freedom.

You're only a disappointment if you allow yourself to be

Forget me
I couldn't hate you anymore than I already do
You ******* up that relationship
Don't **** over this one because you're stuck on impressions

I'm tired of staying awake for nothing I'm tired of spending nights counting ******* sheep I'm tired of being tired I'm tired of living lies I'm tired of hiding how I feel I'm tired I'm tired I'm dead

Are you waiting for my seams to unwind?

Yet I side with the angels

Maybe setting it aflame would help
Add incense for good measure and taste

You dreamed and you talked big,
but honestly, did you do anything to get there?