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76 · Sep 2021
Seed
Lori Mack Sep 2021
You planted a seed of hate in my heart.
But I am the one who nurtured it.

L. Mack

8/4/2021
75 · Dec 2020
How heroin effects me
Lori Mack Dec 2020
It means that I am no longer loved by that person,
Only hated no matter how hard I try.
I am not even thought of at all by that person.
And that I am expected to take care of everything,
Without any help not even a thank you.
It means if I defend myself in anyway
I will always be wrong,
I will always be the bad guy.
It means I no longer matter
And only exisist for finances or to be stolen from or used.
It means as long as my loved one is on it,
I will be there punching bag.
I'll be degraded, belittled, tore down
And reminded of every mistake I ever made.
Humiliated til there's nothing left of my self esteem...
It means I get to watch my handsome, talented, kind son
Turn into a monster at times.
And it means I have to watch him wilt,
While it slowly kills him,
And eventually he will die.
****** is a cold, decieving, serial killer.
First killing your heart,
Making you dead inside.
Yes many physically die,
But the greatest loss
Is how it kills your conscience,
Your morals, your values, your common sense.
And breaks down everyone around you.
Til they are dead inside too.
This is how ****** has effected me.
I truly believe that ****** is satan himself.
And It feels like God is just standing by,
Watching us like we are etertainment,
Doing nothing to stop it.
  Not even batting an eye....

           L. Mack

                12/16/2020
74 · Feb 13
Train tracks
Lori Mack Feb 13
****, here we go again...
I know this all too well.  
I don't want to do this.
I can't watch you destroy yourself again.
I'm trapped in this bitter hell,
This unforgiving prison.
With no hope of being set free.
These are your choices,
But we both pay the consequences.
This cross is to much to bare.
Paralyzed with anxiety,
Heartbroken and shattered,
Greif strickened,
Drowning with fear,
Mourning you,
As you wither away.
There nothing I can do to save you,
All I can do is watch as you play on the train tracks,
Screaming "get off the tracks a train is coming!"
You laugh " I got this. I know what I'm doing."
Difiant, stubborn and cocky...
He is so much like me.
I have to protect him from the train.
I join him on those tracks again.
Knowing there nothing I can do.
I can't save him.
He thinks he knows it all.
And the train is coming soon.
It's the most helpless feeling ever,
Living on the train tracks to hell.


       L. Mack

           2/12/24
72 · Sep 2021
My Stage Four Cancer
Lori Mack Sep 2021
Letting myself feel is killing me.It is my cancer.It will **** me.It is killing me.And I don’t care.Just get it over with.Feelings have always been my cancer.All of my life, even as a little girl.It is deadly and lethal.It is rotting me away,From the inside out.A heart that has been broken,Over and over for so long,It does not know anything else.Everything, Everything inside of meHas been ***** and brutally torn out of me.People do not understand it, they don’t get it.This will put me in the ground.They say, “Just get over it!” My “get over its” and “starting overs” are all used up.No one know all of it, they wouldn’t believe it or couldn’t handle it.I have learned the hard lesson about “letting people in”.So I isolate, stay home, in my room.Because I see my cancer is sometimes contagious, feeds on others.This is why it is critical for me to self medicate.I do not do it for any other reason.

Allison Josie Lee

2/22/2010
71 · Dec 2020
Just for a moment
Lori Mack Dec 2020
Just for a moment
My son sleeps peacefully.
I see my sweet heroic lil boy.
He used to have so much love for me.
Just for a moment
I feel whole again and can breath.
Letting myself drift to happier days.
I was so proud to call him my son.
Just for a moment
Im happy, content and filled with joy
I live for these precious moments.
They are why I keep going
It's where I find my drive.
Just for a moment
I get a break from the horrific reality
That my son, my precious baby
Is dying slowly everyday
Just fading away.

     Lori Mack
         12/28/2020
70 · Jul 2022
What did I do?
Lori Mack Jul 2022
I need to know.
I deserve to know.
It's made me insane,
All these years to not know why.
48 long, drawn out, unbearable years entirely alone.
Anyone that stayed in my life stayed to rob me or ruin me.
Why does everyone deserve someone but me?
Everyone has someone.
Someone they can trust
Someone they can talk to.
Someone that loves them.
Everyone but me.
Sure i have my children but they are grown and have enough weight of their own.
And Im not talking about a relationship.
**** relationships.
Life done taught me i'm not worthy.
Or God not sure which it is.
But neither likes me or want anything good for me.
I just need to understand why I've never really been wanted or needed for that matter.
What did I do?
I'm not a horrible person.
Even pedophiles have someone.
Family or a friend someone.
Family didn't want me from the beginning and hated me for existing.
Friends take advantage of me til there is nothing left to take.
Then the abandon me.
What did I do?
People say we'll you've always got God.
And I thought I did.
His betrayal cut the deepest.
And I found out my greatest fear was true.
Nobody has ever and will never want me.
I don't belong anywhere.
And no one claims me.
What did I do?


   L. Mack
        7/10/22
66 · May 17
Mindfuck
Lori Mack May 17
I have to mindfuck myself
To get myself
To mind myself.
After all mom and dad knew what they were doing.

   L. Mack
     5/17/24
Lori Mack Sep 2021
Okay here we go, let us speak about the white elephants in the game of life.

Pay close attention to what I have to say to you tonight, it may relate to you.

Do you ever feel picked on, maybe teased or a sense of self worthlessness for no reason at all? Me, too!

Have you ever wondered what was making you feel this way?

Well I’m here today to tell you my theory on the subject, it’s just my opinion,

Take it anyway you want to, but remember… you choose to keep reading this, I didn’t force this on you!

If you disagree with my poetry, then freely go about your day. I bid you well.

These are my feeling and observation through my eyes and through my life experiences.

Okay here we go, here we go. Hang on tight it’s a bumping ride.

You are now crossing over to my sight, my life, my world,

Upon arrival please be respectful of your hostess and her ways.

Okay ready, set, ready, set, here we go these are my views for you.

These announcements are for all that apply so listen closely my dear

For All those whom are after my old sunken soul,

Whether good or evil, sane or insane. This I have to beg of you.

Let go, let go, I WANT, NEED and I CRAVE the control.

This vicious, horrific, exhausting, ongoing existence we call life,

Was and still is designed by our creator….. THE ALMIGHTY GOD

Isn’t he sooo nice? Our savior, our christ,!

Deserving of worship, sacrifices, fastings and of course his weekly tides.

It is the opinion of I, and I know I’m not alone

That we are merely pawns in a game of chess.

Or it could be tug of war or rock, paper, scissors or tic tac toe for all I know.

Good vs. Evil, the oldest war ever. It will never end.

Who will win, who do we follow?

Everybody hurry up! Place you bets. Hurry, hurry!!

Which one will win you tonight?

You would think it would be quite a fight, right?!?

God with his fire and brimstone, and Satin with his extreme temptations!!

Is it just the luck of the draw? Winner takes all!?

Maybe it is more like compromises between two exhausted parents.

You know they are getting very, very old. Did we ever stop to think about that?

Devil says “I’ll trade you two sinners for one angel, a sweet one please!”

God responses “we did it your way last time, my turn to decide.”

“I’ll give you three of my purest angels for ten of your worst sinners.”

There it is. Our fate, the deal is done.

Our world is their toy box, a place to have some fun. You know, blow off some steam.

Don’t they care that we are left suffering with so much pain and agony?

Or is pain the name of the game? Are they that cruel? Could they be?

Are we to them like our pets are to us?

We love them but we don’t really know how they feel do we. Are we their pets?

I’m asking for all human kind to come together, tolerate this no more!

Come out, come out where ever you are show yourself and all your glory, oh Lord!

Let us start using our God given brains for a change.

United we stand, strongly staying in place!

We humans together, could form a army of people who are on strike. WE WILL TAKE NO MORE!!!

We were so careful not to judge , not to take sides. THIS IS YOUR WAR NOT OURS!!!!

Why are you both so vain? You have millions of children that need you now!!

But you both makes us feel like we are in a nasty divorce. This is between you don’t involve us.

God almighty, you are everything. You made everything. If you really don’t like your son Lucifer

Then destroy him. You have the power to do anything you want.. Why do you chose to play your made-up game?

It has caused so much anger, pain, grief and so much more.

We will let our built up anger and rage be heard and felt by both entities.

I’m asking for all human kind to come together, tolerate this no more!

come together, tolerate this no more!

Use our god given brains for a change and know where the blame is to be placed.

To many times we have taken the punishments resulting from their games.

Have you ever been curious, about what they look like?

Why do they hide their faces? It would help everyone involved, if they just talked and walked with us.

Wait a minute, could it be, that they maybe scared of us?

What ever the reason, it’s not good enough.

We are your children Lord, why abandon us? If there is as much love for us as you say, then why hold back?

Well that is my theory on that. Maybe it’s true maybe it’s not.

I’m just to lonely for there to be a God who loves me. Where art thou o Lord, where art thou?

Where is Karma in all of this? Karma, It has to be true, I’ve seen it work too many times.

Karma, oh, Karma, please rise from the dead and open your eyes to what has become.

Rescue your loved ones before it’s all gone.

Please Karma I think you’re the only who could save us from demise. Hurry Karma, hurry!!!!

By,

Lori Lee Mack

02/06/2010 copyright


Lori L. Mack
58 · Mar 27
Thank You
Lori Mack Mar 27
I want to thank you for raising me.
I know you could have pushed me to the side,
And did things like all the other kids did.

I want to thank you for practicing wrestling moves on me.
It taught me how to defend myself.
That's why the streets didn't conquer me.

I want to thank you stepping in and taking moms place,
When I was scared and had nightmares.
You were always there to fight off my demons.

I want to thank you for teaching me,
How to open our hidden Christmas presents,
And wrapping them back up,
Without mom knowing we did.

I want to thank you for loving me unconditionally.
When I was sure no one else would.
You were always there when I felt lost and alone.

I want to thank you for standing between Dad and me.
And taking a punch in the face.
Sporting a ****** grin as your teeth slid across the floor.

I want to thank you for being so ornery.
It made life fun and interesting.
And gave me a bark along with my bite.

I want to thank you for all the times I wanted to die,
But you demanded that I live.
You never gave up on me.

I want to thank you for telling me when I was wrong,
Instead of looking the other way.
I learned accountability was mandatory.

I want to thank you for your big brother hugs,
When life felt too heavy,
And every breath felt overwhelming.

I want to thank you for not only being my brother,
But also being my parent, teacher, hero and friend.
Lessons in old school, morals and values.

I want to thank you for all the laughter you gave me.
On my good and bad days.
With it we got through all life's speed bumps.

Big brother thank you for all you taught me.
I love and miss you.
I'll see you again one day.

   L. Mack
      3/27/24
48 · May 16
Stop it!
Lori Mack May 16
Stop it!
Don't ever give hope where there is none.
It is the cruelest thing you could ever do to another human being.
Hope is a wonderful thing.
But only if what your hoping for happens.
When it doesn't happen,
And you hoped and believed it would,
It will be one of the most devastating blows
You will ever experience.
It will shatter you.
It will put you into the deepest depression you've ever known.
It will make you question everything you've known.
It will make you feel alone.
It could make you suicidal.
It could make you homicidal.
It truly is the cruelest thing a human being can do
Is give hope where there is none.
Stop it!

     L.Mack
       5/16/24

— The End —