today
i laid in your
bed again.
it had been months
since my body
was against yours.
and pulling
on your tshirt
i realized you still
smelled the same.
i said it outloud
and you said
"did you expect me to smell different?"
and i looked up
at you, with knowing eyes,
and responded
"no. but that doesn't mean i wasn't hoping you would. i don't want heartbreak to have the same smell over and over. i don't want to be haunted by it my whole life."

do you ever
have moments
of extreme
epiphany?
like you
suddenly
realize
someone isn't
who you thought
they were.
and nothing is
more strange
then seeing
someone you've
shared your darkest
secrets with
and not being
able to  
recognize
them.

ive run out of words to describe the way your hands feel gripping the sides of my face

you aren't
really the
person you
try to be.
you're
smoking in the cold
with people who
can't remember your name.
you're getting drunk
alone in your room
at 2am.
you're telling anyone
who will listen your
life secrets.
but i was captivated
by how you
collapsed into
yourself,
then poured all
that you are
into my body.
almost as if
you wanted me
to carry
the weight
of both our worlds
in the crevices
of my hips

will
you
still
love
me
when
i
lose
my
mind?

"you're perfect for me,
even if you don't think so"
funny how
3 days later
you stopped
thinking i
e x i s t e d.
funny how
the last time
i was in your bed,
i found another girls
hair tie and
convinced myself
it was mine.
but it didn't make
a difference.
because i could
never quite
convince
myself that
you were
m i n e

these halls
are haunted
with memories
of you.
your laugh
still reverberates
off these walls
and
your voice
is the
constant hum
that makes
my bones crack.
i see
you in all
the places
we use to be,
the corner where
you'd just sit and hold me
and i swear to god
i can still feel
the warmth
that was you
wrapping around
my throat.
"forever" meant
until you
find someone
less crazy than me.
i hope
forever is
just as temporary
for me because
my bones are still
aching and
my heart is still pouring
out the promises
you broke and
i still can't say
your name without
wanting to *******
drown myself