today
im seeing you
in every place we've ever
been
and my
*******
god
i just
want
to feel
whole
again

im drunk
and im alone
and im ******* depressed
and im happy
and im sad
and im sane
and im phsyco
and im not me
and i am
and i love you
and i hate you
and im pretty sure
i left my mind
in the last bed we shared

you can't be real.
not with the way
your mind touches
my body before
you hands
and not with the
way your words
leave me breatheless
before your mouth does.
your body is
a ******* spiritual
experience
and your eyes alone
make me question
my sanity.

they warned me
about you.
said your words
could hypnotize
and your eyes
could see through me.
you're like a drug,
i get high on
your presence.
surreal, spiritual
that's what it's
like being with you.
im gonna regret this
but not before i fully
enjoy the trip

i never
really cared
what people
thought about me.
it was always
how i thought
about me.
and that's what
is the worst part,
no one could
make me stop
but myself.

please forgive me
for all the lies i will tell,
all the hearts i will break,
for all the little pieces of you
i will take.
forgive me for all the
mistakes i will make,
the souls i will shake,
all the aches.
but most of all,
forgive me for the
way i treat myself
because im never kind,
always giving into
the demons in my mind.

and the ocean
taught me
how to
welcome people
back into my mind
like the shore welcomes
the tide
and i said your name
today and it
didn't feel like
throwing up
razors
and i
remembered the way
you tilted your head
when you smiled
but the ocean
never taught me
how to wash
away images
so im stuck
with how
you looked
the last time you
told me you loved me.