One day, maybe someday soon,
Youll see my picture hangin up on the wall, and pitch a smile across your glistening cheeks.

Tattoos and memories play through your mind, tell tale stories ringing in your ears while the guests laugh and play.

I could be done in my wooden room and let me sleep, lay beside me the things i always wanted to keep.

Or placed on hold, a waiting room of flesh and blood, keep me there for a full moons pass is all i ask.

Serve only gods greatest gift of whiskey and beer, except keep the bar stools away.

I loved those old tombstones, hidden underneath the trees, keeps the ones holding on dry in the rain.

Being loud sounds fun, let the drums play on and the shots ring out, 21 they say is the lucky number to bet on.

I always showed respect, and those shall follow suit, be joyous and happy and thats all thats due.

Take the flag off my chest, and fly it high even after ive been put to rest.

We were lovers caught by the seatbelt in the backseat

While everyone else slept in their sheets.

Midnight adventures of foggy mirrors and tainted tongues.

We could dance in eachother for as long as we wanted.

Crickets squeek in our prescence

While we try our best not to answer with our own squeeks.

I held you closer, in the backseat of the compact,

Then i ever did in the queen sized bed.

Starring at your dress, hand picked by your green and brown eyes, I couldn't look away as soon as they aligned with mine.

Talking with nervous breath, spoken by your quivering pink lips,
I couldn't stop listening as soon as i heard your voice.

Red cheeks as cherries, glowing in the Christmas lights in october,
I couldn't make then go away, as long as I was next to you.

Body heating to steam, as you pressed against me.
I couldn't cool off as long as you were touching me.

I couldn't let go, I couldn't forget, I couldn't stop knowing, I couldn't stop as soon as I started all those years ago.

Love.

He had a lysterene breath, and a shadow across his face.
I could feel his calased hands grab around me. Even reached for my hand and held it.
Thats when the feeling of metal strikes me,
And it sent a message down my spine.

"A few hits of this will wake you up" he says.

He shoves a bottle into my nose while lightly grabbing the back of head and getting a few pinches full of hair.

I inhale wanting to sniff it.
A chemical smell at first. One that ive smelled before.
A slight shock widens my eyes and everything was heated.

My head became woosy.
My knees shaking. Sweat beading down my brow and slowly trickling down the sides of my face.

I didn't want to feel anymore
I ******* myself this wheel,
And buried my sorrows with the Ashes.

It was dark.
I could barely see the outlines of my own arms.
In a heated room with bent knees and curled toes.
I looked down and i could see my clothes.
Just barely, but i saw them.

I wore alot of grey. It blended in almost so well with the night.
Made me feel, hidden in a sort of way.

On the ride home i felt a burnt tongue.
Sweat still on my arms from my encounter.
All i wanted was a shower then. I wanted to be stripped of my moppy clothes and thrown away. I wanted my body to be scrubbed away of my awful deeds of the night.

To think later that it was only a dream crossed my mind alot.
How pleasant that would have been.
I wanted a fantasy to take me away to the beaches of my home city, to bathe in the fresh open moonlight, casting its dark shadows for those with wanderlust.
I wanted to be manhandled. To be felt like i was being taken care of. To be shown how its done.
But when i got there, it only scarred me.

To be glad it was just a dream is a luxury. To only have it be a nightmare. Being touched by an older man whom you thought you could trust. To be treated by force.

The noise of silence beating in my ears roars through my mind.
It was deafening.  
But those words of flattery only shatter the roar.

To be said so softly.

And everything change.
Ears perking. Brow squinting. And teeth grinding.

Maybe it was just a dream. I want to think that.

Forever.

Im clean yet *****
White fur yet ***** paws
Ashes
The world became a dream

Thoughts were too loud

No need to shed a tear
Ill cry on my own in fear
Thoughts became to loud
Didn’t now I could be in a cloud

I wanted to feel the heart in my chest
Brain locked up in its own death,
No time to rest

Time cries away its seconds and the days slow down to a creep
Years go up





I don’t wanna be
The man I was supposed to be.
I am guilty, of being me
Cant you see?

Im locked at my feet,
In a game that you cant cheat,
Whos supposed to win?
when its only versus us within?

Cut me loose from this chain,
I have it all there is to gain,
Oh this is inhumane,
I just want to give away all this pain.

Take me to where nobody knows me
And all I need is sunshine

Take me to a place where nobody gives a ****
And all I believe in is me

I can take the fire out
I can take away all the ideas
Far away from here

I can learn a thing or two
I can walk round on all fours
Closer to what’s home for me

Sing a song for myself
To just scream and shout
And walk all around town

Stare at the lights in the city
Closed minds in small towns
Open up and about

I had to watch you float away from my fingers.
Your name grew heavy on my heart, and dropped my jaw every time I whispered your name.
I could feel my eyes go out of focus, and I just stare blankly at any object nearby.
Time flew past me, the days grew long, but the months became quick memories that molded together making it feel like just yesterday it happened.
I knew I could never speak to you again, so I only spoke to you in my dreams.
You didn’t have to say anything though.
Just watching you stand there on the pier, with your white sundress that came to just above your knees was all I needed to see.
Are you still as pretty as I remember you? Or am I just mixing the fantasy of my perfect woman and your imperfections creating a whole different you.
I never knew anymore, time has passed and  I have forgotten what it feels like to be truly loved by a woman.
Feeling her warmth, not just by heart, but to bed with you.
I even began to question was it even a woman I so yearned to bed with and feel loved, or to try and convince myself to bed with a fellow man, and only try to feel loved.
I didn’t care anymore.
I still stare blankly, now to a different view.
I stare into the blankness of my own mind, as if rolling back my eyes and looking into myself.

Its what I don’t see that scares me.