constant waves crash under the surface, the skin, absorbing cynical ballads sung by the echoes of these inhabitants. Relief derives from punishment, self-nourishment, set the stage for these unfortunate events. There has been no consent, no arrangement. my voice has been silenced by the choices I've secured. breathless and brittle i can hear the bones cracking and open doors slamming, this horizon dissolving into a thin gray line. Confined to this cage of regret and regression thrusts underneath my fingernails, leaving bread for bail, opting for a quiet place. My own eyes are lost in these melancholy faces surrounding the destruction like a venue of vultures. My head is so clear, and so transparent. Denying instincts and escape have left this chaos unsettled and evident; naked for prey. Sunken souls longing for destruction. Anticipating a rainy day. Molded my chemistry to fit inside what they want of me, circles in squares, what do we really have but empty packaging. And emptiness has no place of residence. Wildfires stemming from my fingertips as every single substance i caress turns to ash. Blackened. steps that have no depth. Roads that have no end. I am spiraling on an axis that does not tilt the right way and my hair is blowing in the wind. Goosebumps raising on my skin. I am alive. I am distant. I am left behind. In the wrong frame of mind. Unrestrained. A dose to withdrawal with a shot of champagne. Ten seconds, i'm falling into intersecting highways. Blankness. Resurrecting a flicker, caught beneath dark circles sheltering my iris. An accomplice in the wounded charade, a collapsing lung makes no sound in this crowded space. Abandoning idolized conclusions raising passions like battered children, from broken gates we let the truth escape and the oxygen conformed with it. Counterfeit. Dreams, although sleepless haunt every breath inhaled leaving malignant now speechless. Disease in every bite we eat. I leave it upon the ones who envision cloudless. My sight has mislead me, which has brought me to this wreckage. Dependence in noxious fumes gripping on to this disaster. Was it really the truth we were after. After the truth we wrote new rules, confused for apparent reasons. Our time is evolving and deteriorating with the seasons.

The breeze sets fire to the trees
Abandonment displayed
In piles of fallen autumn leaves
Pre-scattered ashes

Prevalent discouragement

They whispered too softly
Undressed -- Brisk eyes bleed through
The pages of paper
Evolved from that carbon
Confined within a cage
Of slaughtered animal carcass
A harvest of thoughts
Like grain; like the weather.

where was the trail, thought we left some tracks
the wind washed away our trace
so that hopefully we listen
and don't fall back
the further we walk
we are in so deep with these depths
this web has us trapped
fights off fact and regret
and the forest has no sympathy
for our arrogant stupidity
so we swing our arms slow
hum along to our songs
holding close to combat the cold
i don't remember
i can't remember
ever being alone.
eyes wide and lungs open
we scream for some peace
can't help but keep staring
both addicts for release
and so we do what we please
ignore all other voices
even the ones in my head
speak in your slow soothing tone
you could ****
you could crash
just please
never let me go

in this field, this grass is dead
the world and these people
have ****** dry
everything that was left
and here i lay, i'm here alone
it's safe to say that this is home.
the sunlight is a nuisance i just wish
would disappear, crawl back underneath
those blanket of black clouds
rest easy with her fear.
because today, i could use some rain
to wash these lies from my skin
the dirt underneath my fingernails
keeps sinking in
i am alright, i am content
amongst the death and desolate
landscape covering my anxious face
would i hesitate
to trade this in?
familiarity means more than what it seems
high heels across that narrow beam
structure. is that what you call being free?
the birds outstretched their aching wings
and i understand, i'm one with them
together we shade this hollow land
a breath too far, a cut too deep
there are no voices for miles
and i'm finding it hard
to find a reason to sleep
i could stare into that emptiness for days
never blinking or believing
in useless dreams, i have seen
what that can do to a human being.
a coward as they call it
a waste of energy i never owned
i would love to say that i care
but i am too busy breathing this absent air
to gather my intelligence
to prepare for a talent-less show.
i left the time back where i left the world
and i can promise you
this is what i deserve.

My heart is unclear, divided
untrustworthy
that's why i am ripping it out
letting the blood spill
pour so deep into these floorboards
represent my mistakes
take control of my fate
and i will, someday smile
i am done with trying to decide
what's best for me
but never choosing right
the sunlight is angled so perfect
for this conflict
and i'm not reaching out
i'm reaching up
forgiving all i've gained
and forgetting all i've lost
this time the force is too much
if i don't let go, i'll erupt
can't say this is easy
but i know what i'm needing
the answer keeps screaming
echoing down these streets
i believe.
this is.
what's best.
for me.

My body aches for sympathy
and a trench to bury the bones i've been carrying
lined up so straight
but i lack that symmetry.
sometimes i wish this hardened breeze
would knock me off my careless feet
i would never get up, let the rain feed my pores
guilty conscious scratching at my closing doors
a severed cord,
i've set this up.
that is the only place i would rather be
away from the world, away from myself
less hands to hold, no cry for help
burning the cards from the hand i was dealt
this is what you helped create
a dreamless disaster
of porcelain and plaster
pouring upon your bathroom floor
i am your rhythm-less dancer
and i can't
move anymore.

this picture laid so gently across
the landscape i once called my home
pieced together
sticks and stones
crookedly sewn
none of it makes sense to me
anymore
nothing left to do but stare
half admiration, half *******
whatever's left i guess
i choose to ignore
i set fire to the destruction
reversing the effects
of everything that i've done.
and i smile.
there's beauty in this captivity
when the raindrops hit
the wooden frame
a midst the flames
this smoke, these clouds
keep my soul safe
and i smile.
the anchorage i feel
to this sinking ship
to these rotting trees
remains a secret
remains unchanged
it is here my mind
decides to wander
and i'll never tell
i will never share
i will never tear
apart my seams
and it may burn
and i may find it
hard to breathe
but i believe
that pain is the most
purest form of payment
and i am due
to pay my rent
so let it burn and let it scratch
and let it rise from this ***** ash
create a mess, destroy what's left
my eyes are full
as are my lungs
and i smile.
it is here, it is right here
and i have never
felt so alive, and so alone.