Take a step, step back
The view is wilted,
distorts the sound waves
To shake
That echo from my fingertips
I grip tight to anything tangible
I can’t let go, I’m terrified
My balance will knock me
         Off this shelf, I’ve felt
Too much, too fast, to breathe
Deep, it gets caught
In between
My nerves, overworked
Climb up my spine
Head spin, I’m drowning
In racing thoughts
No signals or stop signs
They collide and intersect
No safe bet, I get lost
Space, space out
I need space to get out
This anarchy inside of me
Tearing synapses, replace them
With calluses
Overwhelmed and underfed
My head revolves around the moon.
So small and tangled
I don’t think I will ever break free
These handcuffs are cold
And tight
And taunting
This spin I’m in// I’m over it
My balance has got the best of me.

I will never know what it’s like to fly
I was born with broken wings.
The clouds hover above
And mock me with their weightlessness.
I’d give anything to feel anything
Again.
These chains cut into my calloused skin
The pain is comforting  
Fills my lungs
with resentment and smoke
I choke on your narcissism
Instead
The freckles in your iris
Arrange themselves
Aimless and aiming to break free
As if distance equals escape
The water covers every inch of my flesh
I can’t drown it out
And I can’t float
I don’t belong
Anywhere.

The breeze screams my name
Shame persists, I’m all of it
Sickened and bitter
Broken//
Artificial
Dig deep, fractured glass
Dissect and scavenge
I found a way back.
The clocks been broken,
But it won’t stop spinning
I’m suffocating underneath your weight.
The silence rings
Brings out the catastrophe
        Howls in my head
Exhausted, restless
I can’t seem to leave.
Feed me white noise
                 & sedatives
I just want to forget.
                        Set my soul to sea
I haven’t yet felt freedom
I was born with  broken wings.
Blank faces have chewed
On my hardened flesh
I have nothing left
But the salt around me.


I long for that darkness.

silence loosens rigid edges
i'm still feeling every second
shaded debates we choose to fabricate
we both know the truth.
we both know the price
we have paid, we will continue
this journey feels so wrong to me
i avoid mirrors and puddles in the streets
i cant stand my face anymore.
when i look at you, it's brief
i only see myself.

the cliffs of your iris scream more truth
than your voice can
that echo adored, only leaving
debris on the bathroom floor
now, i raised that straw
to block those thoughts
but never turned on you
never turned that light off
that image looks ridiculous
i wanted peace, you're demanding
privilege
bad habits masking
what we should
have finished.
empty sentences
bored with
carelessness
running out of ways
that i can escape this.
but i give a nod
to your
dominant performance.

snow has settled, slow and sedating
feeding cravings to devour the hollow
shell I've created. an instant too long
a rapid beat in my chest
how much, how much
will it take to suppress this?
we don't look at each other
the way we're supposed to
I glance in the mirror
only when i'm forced to
deep breaths come so shallow
I can't tell you what I am now
I'd trade it, you'd trade this
for anything not worth our hatred.
I sing loud without passion
I wonder how far I could run
from this, gravity
pulling on my extremities
from these unsavory
haunting memories
don't tell me what I already know
don't kiss me where
this used to be our home
blank; over anxiousness
your empty words
supply the lack of oxygen
to my chest.
I catch your breath beneath
my calloused fingertips
I adore you, before
we settled with the cigarette ash
if I told you this was it
if I told you I've taken in
all the poison I can ingest
would you save whatever
we have left? or would you let it
crumble, and enjoy the
downfall of our wreckage?
I only want to escape.
I only want to be clear to fade away.
you told me this would
            bend before it breaks
but our broken parts
tell a different story; i am lost
but not the lost i want to be.

This mess, in steps we break the pace
Afraid to face our own mistakes
I've given enough
I have more to take
Your words circle my brain stem
Electrocute whatever's left
I'm a mission with plans of regret
Affect the grip you tightened with
Sorry for the sinking ship
I've grown accustomed to
Heartbreak.
I've learned to swallow
*******.
The only thing I haven't done
Is truly escaped...