Through ashy fog, she grabbed her purse

Elevated consciousness only makes it worse

She thought but never spoke

The words

Spit through straws and emptied claws

A generation of giving up

Just run, she stared at the stars

Shooting through her spine

Milking, giving, bleeding dry

clock tick bursting brain cells

Stuck, she's running

Out of time.

The trees have died, her soul

Feels the emptiness too

Rushing from Earth to flesh

the best of her has been spent

In change, but nothing seems to change

Gray and bored of this terrain

To give it all or give it up

A lifeline short of strokes of luck

Just run. Escape.

Erase the face that brought you down

That threw you to this place in

placement permanent frown

i spend my free time smoking cigarettes, another bad habit that i promised to quit. for the moment, the sky wasn't any shade of gray, it wasn't any shade at all. projected my mental catastrophe onto the wreckage we've built, and baby you're bleeding. is it time for us to sleep? i've lost track of rationality and common sense of normality. i just want to be free. these chains weigh so heavy and every day i am becoming more weak, these words that you sing rest inside my brain - rattle with the snakes i've caged - i am the lost episode. we are the untold story. i raise your hand, you raise my voice, every day that passes, it passes so slow. my veins still ache and i blow my brains out with the same verse after verse, i'm falling hard. you're rising fast. same page with different context, mismatch regrets and soulless ***. my home rests inside your eyes, your pupils push me to the edge. i'd run, if i was given the chance and never look back, behind me lies a thousand actions i don't understand. holding on to your hand, hold on with everything i am and everything i have become is a shadow. a cloud of smoke i wish would just choke me, regurgitate the poison that has left me so empty. judge me, abandon me, leave me more broken than i have left myself. i hit the bottom and still couldn't get enough. clinging to defective walls and my chipped fingernails rip piece by piece, inch by inch, this was supposed to be the ending of the bitter *****, but i am afraid i haven't changed. i am afraid of everything. change is a slow process and it thickens with my callouses, breathing deep, counting sheep, i've tried to ride this like a pantomime and in this cell it gets too cold when i'm doing nothing but growing old. I watch your face and i watch the clock, your boredom leaves me overstocked with anxiousness. i kiss your fist, i kiss the sky. heavy is the crown that i wear now.

I walk through the streets, my legs they shake
Consumed by fear can't rest in place
Longing for a little taste, my wires bend
And break
What the **** is wrong with me?
You ask but I don't have the answer
Wrapped tightly beneath this blank
Disaster
My hair in knots I use to stand
But I can't stand this any more.
What will it take to balance the brightness
What can I do to relieve the crisis
My skin is torn, my voice is gone
I'm tired of being the leading actress
Beat me down and I'm still here but all I hear
Is the static in my head
You wanted the best kind of revenge
Well here you go, upon a platter
Sad part is it doesn't even matter
The world could shatter, and still I'd feel

Nothing at all.

been awake for weeks, fixed, wrapped in sheets
without relief
harboring the illness I've digested slow and the burn
still constricts my veins
         orange and yellow bleed my eyes dry
     the sunlight is no friend of mine.
i am the princess of this arrangement
my heels click together, anxious disaster
i reach for the warmth; it's gone.
i'm tying knots in my hair
wrapping them around my throat
i'm walking through these halls
fading like your buzz, i'm broke
these scars along my arms reflect
the light, and i'm just a capsule
in your bottle. i'm just a monster
who sings lullabies
                                               inside your head
the black and white and gray
and whispers through the walls
i used to stand so tall
and now i fall to the bed
i'm grasping hot coals
and licking them slowly
i'm out of reach, running
in place i remain, unclean
there's a starting line at every corner
and the restless awareness
has gotten the best of me
holding on to the same life jacket
one will have to sink
into this fish bowl, it has become
the essence of my existence.
so punish me, please.

It's been twenty four hours
Since I left your arms
Since I've had a taste
My body it aches
For what I once had, and I fight
And I push and I scream with
No volumes
I stare with pupils so wide
I'm inclined to give in
Where does the relief start to begin?
I am begging for change in
Your worn out sweatshirt
And the throbs in my brain
Only prolong the disaster
I'm lost, I'm alone
I am out of my element
I just want to go home
But home isn't where I left it
Stare  cuz I'm pathetic,  I have no
Energy for empathy.  From my diminished
Nasal lining to the ashes in my dreams.
This is what I've become.
This is where I reside.
I just need some time, and a dose of real life... Inject me
Soothe me
Take the restlessness away please
I'm begging for change
In the hardest of ways.

bound and gagged by your black lies. We are tongue tied in the worst ways, if i had something nice left to say i wouldn't be scratching in my journal, keeping the eye contact to a minimal. 'do not enter' hanging on our front door, we give visitors one fighting chance, one that we never got. sweeping around ticking time bombs so delicately placed and polished with the fresh scent of lemon, you would have assumed this charade was rehearsed not authentic, and pumping the air full of poison and *******. i have traded it in for whatever this is. vacancy. emotionless and aggressive tendencies. we have decided not to face this, facing anxiousness. let go of my hand, declare emotional bankruptcy.  every stutter in my voice you gave to me. piece by piece this statue is rotting from the inside out and the face still has a segment of innocence left. all for show, but it's starting to show through. underneath it all, it is all petty and egotistical. narcissistic and malevolent. unearned dollars spent, trying to tear one another to shreds. (ALL IN LOVE, we said)