Reading over text notes of biology,
or psychology,
or whatever it is that I’m studying,
the definitions come out almost indefinitely when I hear the key word.
As if my brain automatically attaches
the word to its definition.
When I first saw the grin spread across your face,
when you laughed at how I stumbled upon my words,
I felt something so captivatingly strong,
that I swear I forgot how to breathe.

A body movement so simple that it’s done involuntarily.
Over the past year that we’ve known each other,
I expected my heart to become accustomed to the way
that the blue in your eyes looks when you smile.
Yet last night,
I found myself drawing the crinkles next to your eyes,
onto the flesh of my thigh,
while I was falling asleep.
I woke up the next day with the image
imprinted
into my skin.
Reading over our texts about friends,
or family,
or whatever it is that we were talking about,
the definition of love comes out hearing you speak.
As if my brain automatically attaches
the word content
to you.

The feeling of serenity,
and belonging.
No thoughts,
no concerns.
Merely just teeth
spread from cheek to cheek,
and the sun
cascading from my eyes,
consuming every inch of flesh,
upon my body.
Every scar,
every freckle,
every bump.
All captured in the essence.
The feeling of feeling
and being.
Completely,
and utterly,
serene.

star, i feel so safe when i am here. the sand in between my toes feels like home and the whisper of the ocean crashing against my flesh is pulling me into a state of serenity.

star, i am no longer scared of the dark when you are here. your light shines bright enough to see as far as i need to see. i know you will protect me from the abyss of evil that haunts me.

star, i love how you listen to me when i tell you about the world. i love the way you still shine even after the darkest of thoughts creep into your shelter. i love how you still stay.

                                 ------------------

star, i found a boy who talks like the sun and walks like the moon. he has skylines in his eyes and constellations scattered upon his collarbones.

star, i feel like his fingerprint is the missing piece to the puzzle i've been writing my whole life. his touch feels like home to me.

star, i've travelled through cities upon cities trying to find a place to fit in but i've never felt as though i've belonged anywhere until he opened up his arms.

star, he told me that i do not need to see you anymore. he told me i shouldn't be near you. i have him to depend on now, please don't wait around for me.

                                 ------------------

star, i am so sorry. i thought he was going to hold my hand but he broke my wrist instead.

star, he told me that i'm not 'good' for him. i told him i've never been good for anything, but neither has he. i told him i loved him, he told me to leave.

star, until i met him i never knew what it was like to hold the sun in my hands. i guess the sun didn't need holding.

star, i saw him with the girl who lights cigarettes and starts fires in her backyard. i suppose he prefers the smoke of the flame rather than the crushing of the sea.

star, i haven't seen you in so long. you don't listen anymore.

star, please come out from the clouds.

star, i am so sorry.

star.

He shivered but not from the breeze, from the questionable silence that was echoing into the sky. All he could hear was the sound of her breathing and as he stared at the way her eyes searched the air for something that appeared to be lost, he realised that even though there are missing parts, broken things can be the most beautiful of them all.

11:56pm: where are you? how could you leave me out in the cold all by myself? how could you not care about me anymore? please tell me you're thinking about me.

6:32am: it's been a month since we stopped talking and i still haven't been able to spend a moment without wanting to ***** my heart up. you are all that i can ever ******* think about.

2:07am: please tell me i have crossed your mind. please tell me i'm not the only one feeling like i am in a constant state of being hit by a semi truck. please tell me i'm not the one doing all the missing.

5:49pm: everyone says it's for the best that you're gone and that i can go on without you, but what am i supposed to do when i am living but not surviving?

4:32am: i haven't slept since we stopped talking and no one seems to understand why i'm not the same girl anymore.

4:03am: please just tell me you miss me.

11:27pm: all these ******* poems saying time will heal the broken are wrong because every waking moment i spend it gets harder and i miss you more and more and my god please just ******* text me.

1:12am: you have done so much wrong and i want to forget you and give up on you but if you asked me for water i would carry the ocean to your house without another thought.

he'll light a flame in your hands and destroy your ******* bones and your favourite colour will still be the purple on his fists.

when i was laying there with you and our legs were intertwined with messy hair and soft humming in the warm air, our bodies became so in sync that i couldn't figure out whose heartbeat was whose and i couldn't have cared less because i could travel across the world and live in a plethora of different houses, hotels and apartments and never feel as at home as i do in your arms.

having a fear of heights i often find myself imagining falling off of buildings and ledges, trying to figure out exactly what i would do in that moment. then you came along and without knowing i fell, and i am still falling deeper and deeper every day. i haven't yet been able to figure out what i am supposed to do, so i'm going to continue to fall until i crash and collapse and all that is left is the remains of you and i.

"Well what would you like to know?" I ask with a deep breath.
"Would you be interested in hearing about how beautiful his eyes are as he stares up at the night sky not knowing that no constellation could match together to become quite as beautiful as the colours in his eyes?
Would you like to hear about how the depth of his voice creates a storm in my heart which causes my body to tremble and leaves my ears satisfied and longing for more?
Would you be interested in knowing how beautifully every word rolls off of his tongue as I stare at the way he talks slowly driving myself insane as the gap between our lips is never filled?
Would you like to hear how my heart becomes a blizzard of incoherent beats that no cardiologist could even begin to comprehend when I am around him?
Tell me, what is the answer you are after? As when I speak of him my lips will not seal and my mind will not ever still as the thought of him is never the cure of my heart ache, rather than the cause."

I know that I am just the dust under your bed,
and the broken lightbulb that you can't fix.
I know that I'm the broken key on the piano,
and the never fading scar on your leg.
I know that I am the creak in your door,
and the strand of hair that is constantly out of place.
but oh my God,
I would give absolutely everything
to be your something.
I would swallow rivers dry
just to pour it all out to you.
I would set my house on fire
if it meant a flame between us.
I would give all of me to you
if it meant you gave me a part of yourself,
in return.

my face is like a broken jigsaw puzzle with pieces that don't match up and my heart is like a never ending flame of love and hatred mixed into one and my fingers are often trembling and weak but i swear that if i was given a chance i could love you better than any human being possibly could i would tell you how your eyes have more depth than the sky as the sun sets on the horizon i would treat you the way the moon treats the streets echoing beautiful lights onto the road i would swallow the ocean and pour myself dry for you if you asked me to i swear that if we collided you and i would be the world