i close my eyes

and the world roars into silence,

still filled with an inward sight
and long cascades of thought,

regardless

and pure

and her.

wonder

and glory

and sun-brightened days

of her.

always there,
a long distant pulse
pushing in white against the surface of my skin.

my heart's red may never break within you,
but the surf roils
and roars
and the sand shore sighs.

circling and rolling
red-rich in hands never held
i feel the ghost of you,
distant,
on that thousand-mile coast

still wishing
still knowing
another's arms wrap'd round
yet with you on mine

disguised
ink-white
and mistaken for a scar

like all the maps of the heart.

slight, and sunset-slow
she moves,
a liquid in my night's heart.
dark hair a drift
in black tides of love long lost.

months and days and hours
and the never-known hand.
a sweet time
imagined, this day
this hour, this moment

and reaching for that hand once more,
gin-soaked and grieving,
this once-was love
falls,
slow
and clear.

chords lost,
bright
and sharp.

and coda.

and breathe.

this love that was
went,
quiet, unnoticed.

legs pushing down,
ahead, always ahead,
rain-faced and salt shed.
wheels,
and wheels,
and wheels.

always there,
you
and i
and all that never was,
and i a fool.

i miss that fall.

my autumn heart,
my long road.

this is the beat
of a track run to twilight.

the thudding heart.

the lurching breath.

the finish line a flinch.

honey words
thick and rich and sweet
still
silent
and whilst bold
without hope's soft push

gentled by beauty
and golden-thick and wide,
sunset's glance and
my timid eye
'mid burnt bronze
eucalypt slow,
heavy-lidded
and head low

steeped in gin
and with that seaward sight
i find this tide
pulling
and dragging
my faltering feet
back to the sea

my deep, rich, and ragged love.

i fall,
face to the salt wind

and drown.

my soul needs the salve
of hard liquor
because
hope
is thin on the ground tonight.