Discussing feelings makes me uneasy
However
I'd rather ***** my love
Than purge my hate

I always thought that
not being yours
was the worst feeling
that I could ever experience

but now I’ve come across
an even emptier feeling

I can finally call you mine
but almost every single night
I’m still alone

11/23/13**
my only friend
mr.e.d.

i wish he would leave me be for awhile
maybe let me pick myself up off the ground
brush the dirt off of my clothing
take a warm warm shower
and let myself feel human again

but mr.e.d. is selfish
as am i
we both want beauty
we both want to risk it all

i dont quite remember how i met him
we must’ve shook hands one night
when i was feeling too low
because i know he lifted me up
and kissed my nose and whispered
"ill help you become yourself"

i knew mr.e.d. would become my everything
but i didn’t understand what that meant
until he had me gasping for air
between pools of half digested food
crying promises to the toilet bowl
"ill change ill change i promise"

i don’t want to leave mr.e.d.
because he helped me become
who i am
and i owe him
my
life

im sorry that my friends don’t like you mr.e.d.
im sorry that i promised them i’d leave you
but you know me better than that
im loyal
and you
are my everything

11/26/13*
our love is like world peace
non-existant but im yearning for it

sometimes i sit in my room
in my boxers
thinking about you
with a playlist on
all about
unrequited
love

i want to know what its like
when you’re alone in *your room
do you sit in your
underwear
listening to music
thinking about
me?

i want to touch you
and learn about your body
because you’re the most
interesting beautiful
complex fragile
human i know

however
sadly

im sitting in my room
in my boxers
with my playlist
and this
is what i hope to be
chapter 1 in the book of us

chapter 2: requited love, the forever journey.