I wish we didn't have to pretend
I wish we could all be painfully honest
I wish I didn't have to pretend I didn't miss you
I wish could tell you that I thought of you today
I smelled the air
It was cold and crisp
You loved the cold
It smelled like fall
Fall.
I remember falling in love with you as the dead leaves fell
Everything around us was dying
But I felt like I was finally living
Fall reminds me of falling in love with you
It's so beautiful
But it in the end everything dies
The trees are left bare and cold
Just like me
Just like my heart

I guess things change
People change
Two years
Today would mark two years
Two years ago I sat completely raw, vulnerable and in love in your bed
I watched the snow fall from your window sitting in between your legs
Fell so quickly but so delicately
"Beautiful" I said

I thought about how the snow flakes reminded me of falling for you
So quickly
so softly
So beautiful
You smiled at me
You asked me to be yours
Two years ago
Two years ago I loved you

Today is thanksgiving
I haven't heard from you
I guess things change
People change

No snow
No you
No me
No love

Empathic

I feel the worlds suffering
I feel the sadness of lost souls
I feel the love in stangers hearts, a flame that will never burn out
I feel the anti socials anxiety
I feel
I feel everything

I feel everything so passionately
I burst in to tears
I bust out in laugher
The energy is just too much to ignore
I feel everything
I feel everyone

depression is like waking up with bricks on your chest
Your body is drained, it can't be explained

Your heart is in your stomach
It races like your on your last breath
But your waiting for your last breath
Longing for that last breath

Anything to take away the pain
Anything to get unchained
Your mind can't be tamed
But who's to blame?

Why do I think of you
I think of you every morning
I think of you every night
I think about not thinking of you

I think of your crooked smile
I think of your crystal blue eyes that I could never read
I think about your smell, smelled like home
I think about your warm touch
I think about us making love

But then I think about how nothing was real
I think about you with her
I think about the first time someone told me what you did
I think about how my heart sunk into my stomach
I think about falling to my knees weeping
I think about what you did

I think about how I didn't give up
I think about how I never stopped loving you
I think about how I wanted to cry in your arms
I think about what I did
I think about how I wasn't good enough
I think about what you did

But then I remember
I remember that you were the soul I thought
I remember how much love I gave you
I remember giving my heart my soul my spirt to you
I remember how careless you were
I remember how you never really did love me
I remember leaving you for the last time
I remember my heart physically hurting when I said goodbye
I remember realizing that I am who I am

I am incredible
I am loved
I am free
I am a new me

I think about how I should thank you
I think about that without you I wouldn't be who I am
I think about the heart break you gave me
I think of you
Every night
Every morning
Why do I think about you still?

I lost myself within myself
I dont know who I am or what purpose I serve
I feel like this life is undeserved
I can't seem to control my nerves

I lost my soul
Or I never found my soul

I think I am ready
Ready to fall into myself
Ready to fall deep into my soul
Ready to fall into my own arms
Ready to fall into my ocean of thoughts

I think I am ready
I think I am ready to fall in love with myself
I think I am ready

I dont write much anymore
My fingers feel cold on this key board
I dig deep into my mind and it remains empty
I stare at this key board
As if this key board can break me open again
Setting me free
I dont write much anymore
I dont have much to say anymore
I remain alone empty, only with my thoughts I cant seem to express

Running
Running is the only thing I seem to know how to do
Run Katie run
It's so easy to run
To leave everything behind, to start over
Run, I'm always running
Running from the world
Running from heartache
Running from myself
Running from my own soul
Run Katie run
That's all I know how to do
Run.