Kristie Lewis

Kristie Lewis Nov 2011

I was there, and so was he
I guess I was tired of my feelings
I needed someone to see

I called; I texted; I got no reply.
I needed something to replace the desperation. Don't ask me why...

He was there, when you would not be.
or perhaps could not...
That part was unclear to me.

I accepted his embrace,
but longed for yours instead.
He couldn't take your place.
He only shared my bed.

But you, whether or not you're aware,
You possess my heart, my passion.
To be honest, it's rather unfair.

No promise made and I pull away from him.
I couldn't return his kiss; only you swirled through my brain.
I don't know why I didn't stop him.
Only this is clear:
I was in his arms, wishing it was you
that I held near.

Kristie Lewis Oct 2011

For Once, I Do Not Want to Talk

When I first thought of typing these words
The message I sought to convey,
Was that without knowing the problem,
"I'm hurting" isn't easy to say.
Upon some further reflection,
I probably could articulate my upset,
But that would leave too much open for inspection.
I don't want to be told that I am mistaken,
or even that I am correct.
What if my dream is left shaken?
Instead I'll suffer without going on trial.
I'll keep my fear to myself.
Let us hope I'm not in denial.

Kristie Lewis Oct 2011

Chemistry

I wish I could describe this pull you have over me
The gravitational force of unspoken physics
I am not unlike a moth to a flame
if I get burned, my irrationality is to blame.
If I don't take this plunge, I may never know
whether I was right to let you go.
You make me smile, and I feel this force gaining fast,
An intoxicating rush I hope will last.
An undeniable passion, but I know my heart cannot much further be bent.
I hope I wasn't blinded by our biology.
Let what I heard, be what you meant.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

Alone

I almost texted you last night.
My fingers were wrapped around my phone.
I wanted to reach out to you,
So I wouldn't be alone.
But then I remember the last thing that you said.
You love her too much to leave, but if she were gone.
You would choose me instead.
I don't think you realize how much I was in pain,
All those times I waited for you.
Knowing you wouldn't come, fearing I was insane.
She wasn't there then, and I let you in.
I see now I was foolish; I wish I had turned you away.
But it's too late to pretend that it didn't begin.
My efforts were worthless--
No. They were wasted.
If only I had known you weren't worth this.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

I Wonder

Not a day has ever gone by,

Where I haven't thought of you.

Simply a shadow of the girl we all knew.

A whisper of what once was.

When we're together, I see the shimmer

Like water in the sunlight

You still know how to glisten, how to glimmer.

But when he's there, or even mentioned

So quickly I see the clouds set in.

I wonder if you see how my heart breaks...

I'm not the only one.

I'd do anything to show you, you ARE loved.

But it's his approval you crave.

Still stubborn enough not to admit this

Please be brave enough not to give him his wish

What can I do? What can I say?

You tell me you know, but it's been more than 30 days

You still haven't called.

I feel my heart break.

All I can wonder

Is, "What will it take?"

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

A Realization

I close my eyes to imagine a day,
When my stomach won't knot at the thought of your name.
I can't help but wonder if you know what I feel,
Or if you'd care to know that the pain makes me question if it was ever real.
The thought of a day where you and I don't exist
Brings tears to my eyes, but I can't continue like this.
Because what you give is far less than what you receive,
I'd be cheating myself if I continued to believe
This was anything deeper than a deal we had made.
You got what you wanted, and I just got played.
Don't get me wrong, I know I lied to myself.
I wanted to believe you were in love and just needed my help.
But, that makes it hurt worse; the blame lies with me.
You never said that we'd ever be.
I can't even say that we still act like friends.
You don't come around unless my body's to lend.
I know at this point that I have to let go.
One day I'll feel better and have something to show.
I'm sure it sounds selfish, but I'll admit here and now,
I hope when I'm gone, you'll miss me somehow.
Maybe when I stop trying, you'll finally see-
You could have had something special If you cared about me.
It likely sounds silly, but I wish for a day,
When you'll think of me sadly, as the girl who got away.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

The Lightning Dance

As I sit here on this quiet night,
The air is finally cool.
The sky is dark,
That same air moist; smelling fresh and new.
Lightning dances 'cross the sky, flashing ever bright.
I see it's full of stories to tell
Some a mystery, yet some I know well.
The only sounds emitted are from the creatures of the night
Singing a song for the rain that has gone,
For the lightning dancing- ever bright.
As has become my custom, I wonder, if you were here,
What would you have to say about
This lightning dance so clear?
So easily can I imagine us sitting in this night
Whispering and cuddling- the lightning ever bright.
Then, just as quick as that lightning's dance,
A thought flashes through my brain.
Unsure of the answer, even afraid,
I wonder all the same,
If you would think of me (as I do you)
On blissfull nights of peace.
I can't say you would, so I struggle for the thought to cease.
On a quiet night like this,
Who would dance across your mind?
When the rain has gone, and the air finally cool,
Lets lightning dance 'cross the sky.