Kristie Lewis

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

Gone

What would they say?
What would they think?
If I were just gone, away in a blink?
Who would shed tears?
Who would feel pain?
And who would be certain,
they could never be the same?
Too often we miss the light that we bring.
I see all the flaws, every hidden thing.
I count that more worthy than whatever it is
that makes you love me.
Denial maybe? Selfishness? probably.
But that's just another failing.
I could be gone,
but I'd still be wrong.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

Relapse

Hide the thoughts, mask the pain
Break the rules to play the game.
Why? How? When? Where?
Who really knows?
No one cares.
It has to be possible- People do it all the time.
My walls just aren't typical.
Maybe that's a lie.
I don't really know.
One day I'll stop caring.
Sick of letting things show, not letting go.
Decide to feel different.
I hate when that's said.
It doesn't erase anything from my head.
Is it really that simple?
Perhaps.
I doubt it though.
If it were, there would be no relapse.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

Risk

Risk is a funny thing.
Sometimes it's worth it. When it's not, it hurts.
It terrifies, electrifies...even sort of clarifies.
The thing is, how do you know what could be,
If you can't choose a dream and set passion free?
Love can die and so do dreams.
But if neither are given a chance,
What could it possibly bring?
I know that you're worth it,
Because even if we should fail,
Not trying (by comparison) only pales.
I'd rather say "It didn't work." than simply "I never tried."
Because the way I feel with you is worth the tears we might cry.
So I'll take this risk, not just for you, but so that I can live.
I won't ask a gaurantee. I know your all you'll give.
Let's see what happens. It will all be okay.
Because even if it doesn't settle as I'd like,
At least we made each other smile along the way.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

You'll Never Know

You'll never know that I miss you.
Even if I could find the words, the strength
I don't deserve to try and reclaim us
You're better off keeping me at length
The distance may hurt, but no wounds
will be made fresh. That's best.
If you read this, you'd call me out so easily
You'd remind me I was the cause of
this pain that lies within me.
"No pity for self inflicted wounds."
If only I had not replied to your angry words.
Maybe you'd be awake with me now,
making me laugh when I just couldn't cry
Pointing out beauty I often miss somehow...
But i distanced myself in a thousand ways
Choices piled up, unstoppable.
My stubborness to blame for this haze.
I want to give you this, but I won't.
So...you'll never know that I miss you.

Kristie Lewis Sep 2011

Little Brother

I've never met a person who could make me angry as quickly as you.
But when I need someone to make me laugh unexpectedly- you do that too.
Mom always told us, when we were certain we couldn't be related,
That we'd never stop needing each other. A sibling couldn't be traded.
We often joked that hospitals switch babies all the time.
But deep down I knew, that even with your very worst parts, you were mine.
It's been quite awhile since I heard you laugh.
I find myself replaying conversations wishing they would last.
Missing all the things so uniquely you
Wishing I'd known sooner that what Mom said was true.
You're more like me than either of us could have known.
Now I see that losing you is like losing my only way home,
Because I have a connection to you unlike any other.
It was unavoidable. You're my little brother.

— The End —