Kristie Lewis

Kristie Lewis Oct 2012

Age

How is it that at 14 I knew everything,
At 16 only more?
I was in love for a year, devasted for two.
At 19, I learned that I never knew you.
Which is strange because you were the thing I knew best.
I knew you better than your parents.
I knew that they were wrong,
To say we were too young to promise love,
How cruel! How absurd! We certainly aren't!
I knew they were wrong, until I learned that they weren't.

Then, new boy came along, wild eyes, hidden sadness,
But now at 19, an adult for sure,
I knew your intentions. You would be my cure.
You claimed not to love me, but you saw my beauty.
So surely I knew better! You must be kidding yourself.
I thought I could prove it by giving myself.
Yet again I was wrong, another two years I tried to believe
Intermittent with all those times I was ready to heave,
you away. But I never did.

So in between, at 20,
I leaned on One I called friend. Pills blurred reality.
One night saw that end.

21 now, let's hope I have learned.
You aren't like the others, you do as you say.
Unafraid to care, yet careful with promises, I hope you stay.

Kristie Lewis Oct 2012

Choice

Who would have guessed you would show up again?
Suddenly loving me, content as my friend.
Did you lay there and realize your bed's always bare?
One different decision and I would now be there.
Do you cringe at the thought of his caress instead of yours?
You say he deserves me. You don't know the half.
I cried over you as I sat in his lap.
He wiped the tears, and as I pushed him away.
He said, 'I'm here. We'll make it through okay.'
Would you love me if you had me, even when I cried for him?
I guess you know why I don't choose you then...

Kristie Lewis May 2012

Irony

He's everything you wouldn't be
and even more you weren't capable of.
I laugh to think that I thought I needed your love.

I remember how it felt.
Sitting by my phone, hoping your name would appear.
Wishing our plans weren't always so unclear.

He never makes me wonder
As his hands slide softly through my hair,
Tightly around my body,
I know he wants to be there.
His words even match the look in his eyes.
He laughs gently when his sweetness takes me by surprise.
It amazes me to think that he is here everyday,
His words matching actions so completely.
He never hesitates to remind me he'll stay.
My only regret is that he has to cope with every rip and tear,
That I've been left with by every bad decision, broken promise, believed lie
Calling me Perfection, even this he'll bear.

You were aware of how I felt, every hurt you clawed.
(I won't blame you completely. God knows I should've ran.)
And still you called me Too good, but saw me only flawed...

Do you remember predicting that one day I would be happy?
You said I would find exactly what lays beside me every night.
But you weren't relieved for me. You were nasty.

Kristie Lewis Apr 2012

Signs of a Soulmate

-Breath in Pace without practice,
or Scarcely even a thought.

-Hands entwined without effort,
Creating a feeling that could never be bought.

-Intoxicated all the more by the Knowledge
of Contentment Equally Earned

-Blanketed by Trust so Complete, we could fly
to the sun without getting burned.

-Not Possibly an Illusion, for the emotions are too Strongly Felt
(I never knew love grounded by reason
could so fluidly make my heart melt)

-Not to be treasured without expecting to carry
the Burden of Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

-Unthinkable to dispose of lightly.

-Worth every ounce of struggle as days lapse into years.

-Delight at all there is to receive.
(Things I never seemed to deserve)

-And surprising Eagerness to Bestow the blessings
that Ease the pain of past devotion (lest passion should begin to swerve)

Keep this list close to your heart,
To grant yourself solid evidence (though time defies perception)
That we should never allow our souls to part.
As you mark every sign with a tick,
you're certain to see we could not be faking the Understanding, the Peace,
The Happiness that is gained by the puzzle's simple click.

Kristie Lewis Dec 2011

Confusion

I wish I could not think of you, even for an hour.
But the pain has hardly faded. It continues to devour.
I wish I didn't care, because then I wouldn't ache.
You never thought of me. All you did was take.
I'll never understand how I can love you this way.
All you did was use me, never had the decency to stay.
I'm aware I never stopped you, but don't tell me you didn't see.
I was willing to do anything just so you would love me.
I was stupid, but you were cruel.
You forgot I am a person, you used me like a tool.
So many nights I cried and cried.
I know you didn't force me but you never should have lied.

Kristie Lewis Dec 2011

Finished

I wish I would've accepted the truth.
But my heart gave you the benefit of every doubt.
Now I'm left to wonder if you were only biding your time
Until I figured you out.

Maybe you didn't think I ever would.
But since you claim you knew that I was in love,
did it ever cross your mind that you would leave me
guessing why I am never good enough?

Perhaps that's the one puzzle
that I'll never find the energy to solve.
I fear the answer to that riddle
could make what's left of my heart dissolve.

You may feel guilty now,
but you have promised that before.
Believing you again and hoping you're my friend
will only leave the wounds you chose to make raw and sore.

So when you start to miss me, and you see that I'm okay,
If you miss the way we used to be,
And you start to see past your selfishness
remember how you couldn't force yourself to love me.

Kristie Lewis Nov 2011

I Never want to hurt you again

The story hasn't changed.
The plot has long been set.
I don't know how I always seem to let myself forget.

I was never a priority
and I'm never going to be.
You just wanted what you wanted
Took little effort to get it from me.

The ache has yet to fade,
Despite your pretty words.
It still aches, because I'm still getting played.
When I walk away, you'll barely even blink...
So how could I have let myself think

That the story could have changed?
That the plot might not have been clear?
I can't forget and let myself waste another year.