An old book
Stopped by today
To say hi.

Before I woke up,
I was trembling,
Weeping,
Dying.

The mind cannot live for me, that is the mistake I made.
It cannot be easy, because it is not supposed to be.
It cannot be complicated, because it is not supposed to be.
It is supposed to be simple and hard.

I can get over the things
That other people did to me,
But how do I move past
What I did to myself?

I thought I did the right thing,
So what does that mean?
Either what I thought was right
Was the wrong thing,
Or I was wrong to want
To do the right thing.

It's my fault,
Of course,
But I don't see
What I could've
Done differently.

If you fear something,
It never truly goes away,
But festers and grows.

It multiplies out of sight,
And returns,
Stronger, bolder,
Scarier.

A many headed hydra,
Which must be dealt with
All at once
Or not at all.

These are the productions of evil
In your life,
In your mind.

These are the monsters,
You must slay,
Or else be
Enslaved by them,
And become as they are,
Forever.

I'm tripping over thoughts and feeling,
Dripping with anxiety and fear,

I'm caught in the mesh of my own mind,
Dropping from a tangle to a trap,

Gotta pull through, cut through,
Break through this accursed wall.

Been a long while since I felt alive;
Feel like I'm living someone else’s life.

When the sky burst, and
Black fire rained down,
The whale dove in,
And I went with it,
Through the swarming waters,
Above the flaming forests
Of swaying kelp.
I brushed past fish,
Great and small,
As we reached for the
Shining pearl hidden below.
The light closed up above us,
I held my breath,
Reaching out near the surface,
Till I could wrest the pearl
From the grumpy octopus's arms.
I gasped and let the whale
Catch it in its mouth,
Carrying it to the surface
As I floated down below.

Well, I can't just
**** myself;
What would
My parents think?!

I would make you my muse,
If I could only
See you better,
And more reliably.

It is glimpses alone, now,
And visions imagined,
That keep me crawling.

Two roads diverged in my psychosis.
I took the one well-travelled,
And it has made all the difference.

Don't you see ?
I don't want to sleep,
Because I don't
Want to wake up.

Great pain can be liberating.
It can lead to the place where
There is no mind,
Where your sense of limits and boundaries
Is dissolved,
And there is a temporary sense of
Freedom from the world.

I have heard that great joy does the same thing,
But I wouldn't know.

Floating with the leaf,
I reached at last the
High point of the current,
After which came the dizzying falll
Down, as the wind died,
And the golden light
Rose up to meet me.

Do you want to live?
Why, why do you want to live?
Why drag around this piece of meat,
Spending all your energy to keep it
On the brink of death, to keep it
From falling over?

Watercolor trickles in from the edges of the window,
Smudging out the clear sky.
I flee the angry bucketfuls of oily paint,
That splash and smear the smooth floor below.
Finally I can run no more,
And I am pounded into red, white and brown,
Adding to the beautiful photograph below me,
Stretching out to the horizon.

If you knew that you were the problem,
What would you do?
If you had to get rid of your self
To fix your self,
Could you ?

Take my clothes,
Bring me my robes,
It is now time
To go out into the world
Again, to take measure
Of the changes I need to make.

I'm tired
I give up
I just wanna
Go
Take that dip now

Busy, busy,
Keeping busy,
Always running,
Desperately fleeing
That awful, awful
Silence.

Hey man, you want the money,
Why d'you have to play this game?
Why pretend you don't need it?
Just admit it, you love it,
Love the thought and the feeling of it,
Love the things you'd get,
The way you'd feel,
The way you'd want others to feel.
Why lie to me, why lie to yourself ?
No one's gonna give you a medal,
For persisting in this pretence.
So you better be sure
About what you want,
Or you'll be left, in the end,
With only your holier-than-thou.

A tingle up and down,
Sometimes,
A spark,
In love and life.

A fleeting sensation,
Dissolving and
Reforming,
Fixing,
Reconstituting.

Uniting, and
Igniting.

Traveling down yesterday's roads,
In rocking carriages filled with happy people,
While a ticking sound ticks away beneath.

Dark clouds with silver linings
Retreat into a golden sunset,
Past the horizon of my
Less luminous past.

I ride, though uncertain
Whether I am passenger
Or cargo,
Being chained to the seat
For my own safety.

Traveling through time
Requires caution,
Nearsightedness, and a
Generous suspension
Of disbelief.

Cart and horse, in front of the marble columns,
Waiting for the next load
Of rubble.
Looking at the half-deconstructed forms
That now lie strewn about,
Some still showing their sublime features,
Others reduced to dull gray facets,
It's hard to say what once was.
A cathedral (some say), that outlived
It's function,
Depopulated.
It lies
Idle now,
In a less than
Idol state,
The grass growing over.

Recessed hollows, within the
Ridged and furrowed tree, with its
Rotting bark, its thorns with no
Remaining bite, its fallen leaves
Raked to a neat pile, and
Rocked now with the
Repeated blows of a dull axe.

I had a dream, in which I asked
Why I was so unhappy,
Why my life turned out the way it did,
When I clearly wanted something else.

I was shown a mistake I made,
A long time ago,
A terrible mistake, I now perceived.

When I saw this,
The sources of my problems
We're clear to me; the path
Of my life since then
Was clear to me.

“But”, I cried out,
“How can I change this now?!
How can I fix this?"

No answer was then received,
And I realized,
That I was far unhappier
Now
That I knew.

For better or worse,
When I awoke,
I remembered the pattern of this dream,
But not the mistake.

This is my life,
This is my log,
Of everything I do.
It's not quite prose,
So I can't call it a blog ...
But I still throw everything in here;
I should call it my "Plog" !

Think it's time
For a fresh start,
Cos jokes apart,
We're poles apart.

Itty bitty teeny ******
Delicious and soft linguini
And you know I just hafta
Eat some of that pasta
Yep, one of the things in life that's good
Is eating a lot of yummy, yummy Italian food.

A needle going into an eye,
A hundred nails scratching slate,
The hammering of nail into flesh;
These and a thousand other
Means of torture,
Pale in comparison
To the maximum extent
Of the mundane horror
Of everyday life.

Out of my way! To the right, to the left,
To the ... oh wait, who are you ?
Let's all snap our fingers, and
Yeah you know you feel it too!
It's this crazy loving feeling,
I just gotta run around,
I just gotta tell everyone,
The devil's coming to town.

Don't look at me like that
You don't have to be all stunned.
C'mon, relax, breathe a little,
The bullet wasn't even in the gun!

I clearly don't want to die,
So I need to crawl out of this pit.
So ***** you all,
I'll see you on the other side.
That is, if you make it too.

Out there above the stone wall,
High above the sea,
Sat the cold woman, all alone,
Dressed in her finery.

I drew closer, wary, scared,
I shivered from head to toe.
The air, it was electric,
All those years ago.

I made my way by her glow,
A glow of dull white light.
The stars were out,
As they always were,
But the moon stayed in that night.

I heard her humming,
As I drew close,
A sad and distant song.
"Waiting for you, my darling,
A wait sweet and long."

Then she was gone, and I alone,
In the darkness, wild and free.
As long I live, I shall never forget,
The cold woman, by the sea.

Say what you mean,
Do you mean what  you say ?

Say what you will,
Do you will what you say ?

Say what you want,
Do you want what you say ?

Say what you need,
Do you need what you say ?

Your words, your thoughts, give them to me,
Lend me some fuel for my bonfire,
I'm looking for the waste of human life;
Show me the vanities you admire.

The veins of a leaf,
The veins of my hand,
Pumping fluid,
Pumping blood,
Watering,
Feeding,
One moves,
So does the other.
In different ways,
Both are alive.

In memory of the note
In the bottle
On the beach
In the sand
Behind the rock
After I met
The beautiful girl
Under the trees
At noon
While the breeze
Swayed the leaves
And me
On the day
In my life
That I would most
Like to forget.

Chug along,
Don't make too much of a noise.
You want to make an impact,
But you don't really want them to find you,
Do you ?
Do you want to be seen,
Or heard,
Or felt ?

This is *******.
This poem, that is.
It's *******.
I'm *******,
You're *******,
It's all *******.
Ok, fine,
I take some of it back.
You're not ******* :)

A pulsar, beating away in deepest space,
Sounding out its dead chronology.

The fell beast slouches no more: it is born!
Yes, it is born, and walks among you,
And you see it not!

Like flies they are ****** about,
The churning of the oceans sends them
Spinning outwards, the outer wall
Making its presence felt with
A resistance vague yet firm.

Into this ever widening, pulsating
World, with its
Regularization, like prison bars of time
And space gripping you, parcelling
You into regular cubes, the
Common atoms for the
Common people,
Into this are you ******,
Headlong and without choice,
Without precedent,
Being forced to
Retreat from retreat,
Naked and hungry,
To find what you can,
And salvage what you can,
Of it and
Of you.

Stone columns,
Half illuminated,
Half in shadow,
Hiding behind them
The numbers,
The ciphers,
The unknown,
The shadowy figures,
Massed,
Waiting.

Smash the frikking screens,
Smash all of them !
Tear down all the wires,
Pull out all the cables !
Pulverize the mechanical minds,
The mechanical system,
The mechanical men.
Is this what you want ?
And what for ?
What's the point ?
You're bugged anyway.

They shuffled on down
The long winding road between the mountains,
Each following the other,
Their faces stony and grim.
"Don't go!", I shouted at them,
"Don't you see that it
Doesn't have to be this way?"
I ran around them,
Waved my hands and tried
To get them to stop.
But they marched on,
Slowly, forlornly, on
Into the falling night.

Down over the horizon he went,
And her eyes followed.
To want lost people to return,
To want lost things to be found,
Is to wish to be the centre of the universe,
A point to which each falls back,
Its energy spent.

I am a ship, he said, of the desert.

I go to the oasis, to get all the love I can,
To soak it up and store it,
For the long, hard journey ahead.

The mirages, they trick me.
Cruel they are, to show me
What does not exist.

Write on,
Right into the night, whether
Right or left, whether
Right or wrong, it's your
Right to do it, and you're
Right to do it, so never fear, just
Write on.

I shuffled through the long corridor,
Dragging my broken foot behind me,
Illuminated by the flickering lights above.
The scratching and screaming to my right and left,
The moaning down below.
I could not outrun it, this I knew,
But still made some distance
Before the
Hound
Was upon me.

Pale white strips
Floating on the water.
A face
Under the moon
That dissolves into stars.
Wandering agents of a
Cosmic gasp
That burst out
When all things were made.