There were nights I held our son
And just cried,
As he too cried
it felt like u had died .

Like the love we had was a lie
But we gotta move on and try
Cuz u never died
U were a deadbeat alive

But I guess u didn't feel like
Growing up just yet
Even though we spent years
Getting high having multiple partners for ***

But it all turns to regret
If it wasn't part of growing
Into 2 responsible
People or wut is there really showing

That we evolved from who we are
inTo who were destined to be
It was fine to be immature when
It was just us two but now that 2 is 3

Its like u resent him and me
like we ruined all your fun
But it doesn't matter who pulls the
Trigger when u helped invent the gun

So now u leave 2 scared men
Or ....2scared boys to cry
Like a mother and lover died
i hardly remember a goodbye

our son has ur eyes
So His eyes r urs
So it hurts to look at him some
Days but he's still adored

i won't walk out the door
And leave him to cry
Like u did to him
Or like u did to me and  why

p*ss not important to an orphan
hoarding pain
But according to wut u tell my
Sister u stay away

Cuz I beg u to stay
And guilt trip u too long
But all I want is for our son
To see his ****** mom

You've never seen him Crawl
but he doesn't crawl no more
Now he walks like u walked
when you walked out our door

He's got about 7 teeth and
He dances to every song
And another piece of my heart
Breaks when he calls the wrong woman "mom"

Which he does alot lately
But as this all leaves my mouth
I want u to know that I don't
Just blame u I also blame myself

For not being enough to make
U stay...... and this is all
The reasons ur phone rings when
U ignore my calls

So I take as many photographs
As I can cuz one day i figure
When u regret not seeing your son grow up
I can always give u some ****** pictures.....

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...