You're the welspring where I draw my inspiration and strength
You help me spin poems and prose at length
But there's so much more within this spring
Beauty, innocence, passion, wild things

You're in my air, water, blood
I could never stop this flood
I'll fill this book with ink and lead
Until I wind up dead

Don't even try to get me to quit
You're ingrained in the words I emit
You're in my lungs, heart, veins
I feel your joy, sorrow and pain

You're part of me now, that I'll never forget
You're all of me now, my muse, my spirit
I can't let go, we can't be torn or separated
Don't even try, for it would be as impossible
as stabbing the sky

I came upon you as a broken bird
Shivering under a blanket of darkness
I crawled inside and felt the hurt
Saw a world of starkness

Grabbed your hand, refused to break hold
You said "let me drown," I screamed "Try to swim!"
I decided to stay, though the air grew cold
Fought against the devil's whim

You lie there with a vacant expression
Mumbling your pained confession
I grab you in a fireman's carry
No time to delay, I cannot tarry

Lay you down on the glistening grass
Down into purifying starlight
Where the dark blanket covering is torn away
And you can see who you really are.

My heart hangs suspended, its chambers emptied, dead
Its airways strangled, and its stomach starved and shrunken
Trapped in time, just this lost little boy among men
And orphan among beloved children, frozen in stasis
Please thaw me somehow, let time begin again
What's a clock without the batteries?
A heart in suspended strangulation

(Written 2011, age 18)

Static Position, floating in space
Just an item, lost without a trace
I emptied my love into the pages
Floating here in my stasis
I offered my heard as a sacrifice
It was left decaying
By the black widow's bite

Drained of blood, dying in the web
Released to the infirmary's bed
And while the doctors perform open heart surgery
I'm left floating again in purgatory
Awake to the eyes of an entity
Pure and white, barely a human being
So much softer, so much brighter
Half human, half angel, hell of a fighter

The poison within fights for control
But her gentle warmth keeps it at bay
The harlot stands just outside the window
But guess what you cheating thief, I surived
Guarded now by the spider stomper
I can more easily now, thank you God
For sending me the cure for the Harlot's Bite


Written Nov 2nd, 2011. I was 18.

The Poet Who Stopped the World

Our hearts connected, a moment only
But after the sever, again I am lonely
The universe saw our hearts share a hug
I lost myself in it, warm, snug

We separate swiftly, I go back to my box
I sit in the silence and go into shock
They echo in my head, the words of a girl
She said I’m the poet who stopped her world

It makes me believe that I was so close
But I was afraid, stupefied, comatose
Now it’s too late, I bathe in regret
And negativity is all I’ve beget.

But I won’t give in, forever I’ll wait
I’ve had opportunities but you are my fate
So I’ll sit alone, I won’t break though I’m bending
I know that the universe holds our happy ending

I have the courage to be a real man
If I must wait till the end of my lifespan
Because I remember how our hearts danced and twirled
And because I’m the poet that stopped the world.
---

Written 2011. I was 18.

The lines are sharp and they lacerate
My brain is dull and can’t actuate
Pop the amphetamine and wait for the kick
To make me less useless, to make me less sick
Society pukes itself seeking the grade
And gives up the children, a foolish trade
Mechanical education will only build robots
Those heartless automatons, terminator and whatnot
Smash the machine, rip out the circuit
Infuriated by the pressure to be perfect
Burn the tests, incinerate the scale
Eliminate the concept of pass or fail
Make everything new.

I am a little boy again
Is the supermarket empty?
I am the ugly duckling
Is there life outside the pond?
I am a cub in a giant cage
Is there a zookeeper?
I heard there was an oasis beyond the desert

My warmth adds up, the numbers don’t
My spirit searches, my mind wanders
There are a billion faces behind my own
Is one of them me?
I clutch my teddy, violated
Looking for a lake to wash in

I slap on a face before I go out
Zane, Zack, Z’karyah, kotch, Psalmspitter,
Tenderfoot, Buddha, Dylan, Matthew, MiaR
I look for shalom, but find chaos
A thousand roads forward and back
Do any of them lead me home?

Where? What is that?

Sides draw battle lines, I am cut in two, or three, or four
As the little boy inside me tries
To figure out what to search for.