In this world
we walk on the roof of hell,
gazing at flowers.

I have imagined this moment over and over again and now it's finally happening and I can't quite tell which direction is up or down or backwards but I guess they're all directions so it really doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere. I've been watching my shoelaces as I've been walking and they seem to tighten with every step as though even they know you'll have me floating right out of them. My palms have already begun to sweat and the puddles they've created in my pockets are just deep enough to drown in. I look up for a second to see the air in front of me holding a string. A grin spreads across its face as it suddenly begins to pull and my breath is stolen from my lungs. I reach out to grab it but it has already disappeared and suddenly I realize I can't breathe without you here. I close my eyes and stumble, not wanting to go any further, not wanting to face the reality of a situation that doesn't involve sleeping beside you. But then I realize, that was something we never did. I have been falling asleep beside myself for years, I have been waking up with regret and a heart broken into more pieces then the number of tiles on the bathroom floor. I have been sleeping with my head on my own chest and praying that someday you'd fill the empty space between not being able to fall asleep and never wanting to be awake.

To simply notice my absence
To simply notice the empty seat
That vacated bench in the hallway
The unheard voice missing

To simply notice my presence
So early in the day
I thought nobody would notice that I had gone away
But you did and you stopped just to say

Oh, and of course it had to be you.
You with the eyes of the ocean blue.
I always try to forget you
Because you are simply too good to be true.

But sometimes you make old winters new.
And I just can't stop drowning in your blue.
For years I've been singing the same old tune.
And I'm so young yet my whole life is colored with your hue.

Yet, I grow in a place where new winters are old
And for people like me love stories aren't told.
I don't have the mind, body, or the face.
And only around you do like I feel like a disgrace.

So god help me! Shut these blinds!
I never thought something so excruciating can be so kind.
I guess it just always gives me a friendly remind.
That I will never be worth your time.

But in a hell like this where kindness is rare,
You can always manage to make me aware
That good people like you are out there.

But ******! You ******! Don't you see?
I can't lose sight of what's in front of me!
I can't get my hopes up for things that can't be!
All that brings is misery!

But you come along and you act so sweet.
You are a Naïve demon and it makes me weep.

To simply notice when I'm not around.
When the skeletons on the wall make me frown.
Your welcome is enough to spin me around.
Then make me hate myself and come back down.

i don't know if i can write anymore
you're all that's left in my words
screaming and shouting and trying
and i doubt i'm ever really heard

i don't know if i can think anymore
a cold shower doesn't take away the pain
regression and progression know no path
they leave me here, all the same

i don't know if i can cry anymore
too many diamonds escaped their vaults
instead i am numb... or maybe just too patient
instead, i'll accept each and every fault

i don't know if i cant drink anymore
liquid encouragement only hides hours
but they pounce and they leap
proving to bring down the highest tower

i don't know if i can sleep anymore
i've tried and i've tried
but my theory is broken...
look, i've cried and i've cried

There's something weighing on me,
     I don't know what it is.

Depression? Loneliness? Lostness?
     Longing? Anger? Fear?

I thought I gave up trying to figure it out,
     Now I just carry it around,
          a monkey on my back.

I'm a hopeless loveless lover
     moping about with all my futile
          daydreams of romance.

I thought I gave up those adolescent hopes,
     Now I just carry it around,
          a flower in my pocket.

It's like some old cliche romantic movie,
     The hero laying on his couch
          alone with wine and jazz.

I don't think I like this flick
     Somebody change the channel

I believe in Love
and other imaginary things
like hands that can't hold
and birds that can't sing

I believe in Hope
and other things of pretend
like stars that can't fly
and rules that can't bend

I believe in Promises
and other empty things
like the day that can't break
And the bee that can't sting

I believe in love
And other imaginary things
Like hope and promises
And rise of my wings.

I hide beneath
the ocean's waves;
cursed to always be the tide,
never to be the moon.