I’m not afraid of dying.
I’m afraid for my daughters to be alone.
Actually...
I’m afraid to wake up.
To see a post saying R.I.P.
To the person that I share life with.
Not my lover. I’m not the key to his heart.
Actually... not even my friend.
But we share 2 queens together,
We used to share things together.
Feelings. Emotions. Time.
Time down the drain.
Apocalypse.
Why do I fear of being without him,
When him isn’t even here?
Apocalypse.

Who held you?
Me.

See, it isn't always that easy.

To... find somebody that really cares...
Blank stares...
Like... admiring your existence.
Yeah... That's rare.

Who picked you up?
She did.

You know... the one you never gave the chance.
She chased you, embraced you...
While she didn't stand a chance.

Because, see...
She was never THAT girl.
At THAT party, in THAT club...
Nah.
Rather, cooking dinner after work...
Go getter...
Her own check stubs....
(clears throat)

Was it the...
lack of short shorts?
Or the ambitions you never had?
The... lack of having "fun" and...
(Looks down and smirks)
Let's skip that.

Good to you.
Fool for you.
Picked up and dropped so much for you.
Just for you to look at her...
The same way you always do.

Never like she looks at you.
Never like she thinks you do.

Good for you... (clapping)
but (pause)
what is the accomplishment?
When are you the compliment?
Instead of  the intoxicant that...
Every true friend she's pushed away warns her of???

Thinking this is love...
Investing all her...
TRUST
And to you... that's not much.
Because all you've seen...
Is dependent women with...
No concept of reality.
No dreams, no goals...
Just...
Pints and rolled up trees...
THIS CAN'T BE... life.

At least it lasted a while.
The love, the trust, or lust...
Head high, chin up, for once...
Seems like I'm living among disappointment these days.
Actually, it was here.
before you came...
Yes, way before you came.
What a shame.
How can I trust a man...
When my own father ran?
(Slightly Laughing)
When in every situation,
**** seems to hit the fan?

Went from his excuse to physical abuse...
Seeking a mans love at any expense
Just to amuse... you.

(Yelling)
Because I don't see nobody else applauding!
You're appalling.
Slightly more than an alcoholic at mind
Who's to blame for the lack of communication
The stalling...

Now I have 3 daughters
2 crawling
1 calling...
To a man that's never consistent.
There is distance.
Then they turn to me for relief,
Because it is me... yeah me.
That picks them up from falling.
Consistently.
"The key is consistency."
Wise words from the woman
That didn't birth me,
But didn't desert me...
Never turned her back,
Never hurt me...

(Crying)
& Now I am hurting...
Because anybody I've ever loved
Is either dead or they hurt me.

(Breaking down)
Why is it me that's so deserving?