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Joy Jul 2017
The four phrases thudding through my mind right now:

1. I knew this would bite me in the ***
2. And now I feel like ****
3. It's hard for me to see you as the person you deserve to be seen as at this moment
4. And I should probably allow this to be a wake up call

Excuse me sir, but how much ***** do you have on your shelf?
This is not a poem, this is me stating a few facts that are running through my head right now. Gotta take a deep breath and be a little bit more mature about this, ya feel?

July, 2017
Joy Jul 2017
The sweet hum of the stray cars is steady just outside my window, while copper streetlights are neatly filling up the empty flesh on my walls. My legs are freshly shaven and drowning in linen, and the blanket feels nice despite the small pinch of dry heat. There is a song artist rapping about jazz in my left earbud, softly.

Something seems out of place but as slumber overtakes me, the feeling hisses and sizzles out slowly from existence.
An excersize in description
July, 2017
Joy Jul 2017
"I am depressed."
Through gritted teeth,
Through split speech
Through spilling and grinding
Through searching and finding

Instead of treating it like moldy laundry
Instead of rotting under the company of misery
I am telling myself
*hey, you know what, maybe I am worth a little dignity
July, 2017
Joy Jul 2017
I want to unbutton myself

tick-tick-tick

I want to unzip my mind
And unclick the years
That have settled into memories
Because I love the way you change these things

I want to show you it all
It's self-indulgent, I know
My words turn to clutter
I haven't gotten any older, have I?
July, 2017
Joy Jul 2017
It's been a few since I put the pen to the paper
It's been a few since I tipped my head back
And sighed a stanza

It's been a few, but I still know
While I've been trying to make that 15 year old version of me
Happy
I haven't learned a ******* thing
In other words - this place was my refuge when I was feeling sad-boii sad, stupidly sad. And I feel that way now. Some days I get so excited, other days I feel so dauntingly overwhelmed by the weights of my depression. I feel impossibly older, yet somehow still so young.

July, 2017
Joy Mar 2017
And I've given you upwards of a thousand songs,
Cementing tunes
Into my everyday blues
Joy Dec 2016
But beneath it all I'm just a child:
Wide-eyed,
Petrified,
And by chance adept at
Hollow construction
And steel walls.
December, 2016
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