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Jan 2020 · 91
Pleasant as a Sunburn
KLJ Jan 2020
Your touch feels like the Grimm Reaper,
grabbing hold of a soul.
Like a wave shoving its watery hand
down someone's throat.
Like scraping an arm on a rusty swing set,
a thousand roaches scuttling in between toes,
ripping off a band-aid,
pricking a thumb, piercing an ear.

Your words are like a crocodile smiling.
Like a Gucci bag in Chinatown.
Like the nose of a plastic surgeon's daughter,
a plant made of foam,
a boy crying wolf,
a Siren's song, an acrylic eyelash.

Your presence is like a curdled carton of milk.
Like an opera singer with a nasty cold.
Like dirt that just won't leave your eye,
a root canal on Christmas Day,
hair being pulled, stubbing a toe,
like the stench that I smell when you enter the room.
I wrote this about my mother when I was in high school. We did not have a good relationship, and living with her caused me a lot of pain. It's interesting to read this now, after so many years, after moving out of her home and distancing myself from that relationship.

Now, living with a wonderful roommate in a happy home, it's incredible to think that I felt so upset and unsafe in my own space every day.
Jan 2020 · 95
Because it shrinks me
KLJ Jan 2020
It takes my life
its trials
lessons
triumphs
And reduces them

As if they didn’t make me

As if they didn’t matter
Jan 2020 · 79
Something
KLJ Jan 2020
It was something about the way you held me

Like I was yours
Jan 2020 · 74
What happens
KLJ Jan 2020
What happens when you give your heart away?

Do you lose you?
Give everything?
One large piece of self -
and they consume it,
and it’s gone?

Do you multiply?
Give away a version?
Leave behind a copy -  
a dupe,
with no ability to update?

Or do you form into another?
Giving only a piece?
Rename the file -
myself_v2,
missing only the data you gave?

What happens?

The people from before,
who gave their hearts,
their time and passion -
they aren't me

But what happened?
Jan 2020 · 99
Writer
KLJ Jan 2020
I remember when I decided I'd write

I sat
and I wrote
and I felt so proud

So proud
that I shared with her

I wanted her to be proud too

She laughed in my face

She ******* laughed
Dec 2019 · 140
His Heart
KLJ Dec 2019
Off to wonderland it seems
Far away from us
and me

Kept closed in tiny hands
held warm
But not mine

Trifling over where I disappeared
Maybe I’m the one in wonderland

Feeling the same ache
Every morning I wake up without you
Dec 2019 · 184
Cold
KLJ Dec 2019
I remember feeling warmth
in almost overwhelming amounts
Writing love notes
to roll up in a bottle
Saving pebbles
to wear around my neck

Now I feel disconnected
Like watching a movie
and seeing myself stumble through the plot

Where has my heart gone?
And why didn’t I notice when they took it?
Dec 2019 · 198
Best friend
KLJ Dec 2019
I miss you
and I’m afraid

Of the days
We never left bed
Head safe on your chest
Fingers through hair
Eyes closed

Soft and strong
My teddy bear

Afraid of the days
Spent drifting
Through used books
Into the gallery
The stupid ceramic hippo

Of “my angel”
Of “baby” and “I love you”

I miss you
And I’m so afraid
To remember
Dec 2019 · 123
Unsure
KLJ Dec 2019
Ever wish you could interact with you?

Be another person
And experience being them
And experience meeting you

Is that self involved?
Or anxiety induced?

Both?

I spend so much time
~ worrying ~
About how others feel
About me

I’d love to experience it
And maybe believe
Meeting me
Isn’t as horrible as I think
Nov 2019 · 125
Firenze
KLJ Nov 2019
I don’t think about it all the time
But some of the time
it comes to mind
and I can’t get it out

That time I tried
to jump out of a window

Ive considered the ways
to make it prettier
more poetic
But like,
it wasn’t

I tried to jump out of a window
and I did it in front of my mom

I’ve read a few times
that travel would make me better
If you’re depressed
You should get off the couch
You should see the world
You won’t feel so bad if you leave the house

Well I was still depressed in Florence

I did it in front of my mom
while we were on vacation in Italy

She took my passport away
and locked it in the safe
I don’t know how to make that poetic
She told me I was a witch
a ****
I don’t know how to make that pretty

I couldn’t leave

We were on vacation in Italy
and I couldn’t leave
and she wouldn’t stop
So I tried to jump

The only pretty part
was sitting on the windowsill

Her voice was blocked
and I felt the breeze on my toes
as I dangled
and looked down
on the soft pink building below

I love pink

I was free

But that beauty ended
Brought back into the world
her voice begging me to stay
and promising to stop

She pulled me back in
and told me I did it for attention
Nov 2019 · 164
A Force
KLJ Nov 2019
My mind it leaps,
And swirls and dips,
And falls to the floor in chaos.
The least elegant dancer;
A tumbling tumbler.

But as it leaps it sees the sun.
It swirls through the wind
And dips below the surface,
Landing on the ground a frenzy.
Part of nature;
Building power.

As it leaps it sees the light.
It builds a storm,
Reaches water,
Floods the land.
A force;
A reckoning.

My mind it leaps,
And swirls and dips,
And falls to the floor in chaos.
Every leap sees the brightness,
Every swirl takes it in,
Every dip tests the surface,
Every fall puts me back on solid ground.

My mind it leaps,
And swirls and dips.
A lively performance.
Nov 2019 · 118
Alive
KLJ Nov 2019
Every morning
I wake up to the day
And again
It’s real
And again
I’m amazed

How the **** did I ever make it here?

— The End —