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KLJ Dec 2019
Off to wonderland it seems
Far away from us
and me

Kept closed in tiny hands
held warm
But not mine

Trifling over where I disappeared
Maybe I’m the one in wonderland

Feeling the same ache
Every morning I wake up without you
KLJ Dec 2019
I remember feeling warmth
in almost overwhelming amounts
Writing love notes
to roll up in a bottle
Saving pebbles
to wear around my neck

Now I feel disconnected
Like watching a movie
and seeing myself stumble through the plot

Where has my heart gone?
And why didn’t I notice when they took it?
KLJ Dec 2019
I miss you
and I’m afraid

Of the days
We never left bed
Head safe on your chest
Fingers through hair
Eyes closed

Soft and strong
My teddy bear

Afraid of the days
Spent drifting
Through used books
Into the gallery
The stupid ceramic hippo

Of “my angel”
Of “baby” and “I love you”

I miss you
And I’m so afraid
To remember
KLJ Dec 2019
Ever wish you could interact with you?

Be another person
And experience being them
And experience meeting you

Is that self involved?
Or anxiety induced?

Both?

I spend so much time
~ worrying ~
About how others feel
About me

I’d love to experience it
And maybe believe
Meeting me
Isn’t as horrible as I think
KLJ Nov 2019
I don’t think about it all the time
But some of the time
it comes to mind
and I can’t get it out

That time I tried
to jump out of a window

Ive considered the ways
to make it prettier
more poetic
But like,
it wasn’t

I tried to jump out of a window
and I did it in front of my mom

I’ve read a few times
that travel would make me better
If you’re depressed
You should get off the couch
You should see the world
You won’t feel so bad if you leave the house

Well I was still depressed in Florence

I did it in front of my mom
while we were on vacation in Italy

She took my passport away
and locked it in the safe
I don’t know how to make that poetic
She told me I was a witch
a ****
I don’t know how to make that pretty

I couldn’t leave

We were on vacation in Italy
and I couldn’t leave
and she wouldn’t stop
So I tried to jump

The only pretty part
was sitting on the windowsill

Her voice was blocked
and I felt the breeze on my toes
as I dangled
and looked down
on the soft pink building below

I love pink

I was free

But that beauty ended
Brought back into the world
her voice begging me to stay
and promising to stop

She pulled me back in
and told me I did it for attention
  Nov 2019 KLJ
Belle
I miss the way my hands clutch your face
Like it was mine in the first place.
but you're not mine
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