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heavy breathing
       and foggy windows
              this is truly a teenage romance

but when I'm with you
           I feel real
              and you really feel me

I'm not doing anything to stop you
      and you certainly lost control
                  4 items of clothing ago

truthfully I lost control
       3 items ago
               and I no longer care to think
                                                                              about any of this
I fall asleep at the zoo,
        and wake up on the other side of the glass.
All of the snake-like eyes staring at me through my translucent shield demand a show,
         and even though I've performed my entire life,
this pane of glass separating us makes it so much more real.

It's as if I can feel the weight of their penetrating gazes,
        I can see the glass start to crack under the pressure,
            I can feel myself start to forget the words
                 I misstep, and this "same old song and dance"
                        turns into "the mistake of my lifetime"

I want to do this for the rest of my life,
but how do I know that turning it into a profession
won't make it it into something I hate?
Copyright Andrea 2012
I fell in love with the feel of the earth beneath my feet,
With the set of my arms and the cold on my face,
I fell in love with the things that I see and the people I meet,
I feel so madly in love with the sway of my hips,
When I’m walking away when I’m feeling like this.
I fell in love with my clever remarks, my hair and my heart,
Fell in love with the way you can’t tear me apart,
I fell in love with feeling like enough,
And knowing I’m strong, I’m stable, I’m tough.
I fell in love with the girl in the mirror
With her scratches and bruises I’m so proud that she’s here,
With her brilliant blue eyes laying claim to her dreams,
That glistens and sparkle such beautiful things,

I’ve fallen in love with all of my freedoms,
With how I cast off my chains screaming I’d beat them.
Through torture and heartbreak, through hopes gone and died,
Through horrible moments and losing my pride,
Through promises destroyed with lies and deceit,
Through all of the things you cast down on me,
I fought and I prayed to the cold in that place,
I practiced my aim, against the words you misplaced.
I pushed through all those words that you murmured,
The very same ones I strangled and murdered,
That now lay still at my feet, reviling the person
I always knew I could be, Unnerved and wide open,
with fresh pains and fresh hopes
No one will ever tear me down
Not while she is here
I will let  those burdens go and cast away my tears
Knowing good and well that I have  killed  my fears and
I am with the one I love and I’m so proud she’s here.
There is no true definition
For what we strive to be
For what we want people to see
And what we never feel.
Being strong is not a choice
It's a state of being
It's beyond seeing
And it stands high.

True strength is forced upon you
When you can't take it anymore
And life keeps handing you more
But you don't have the choice to fall.

It becomes a habit
Turns into who you are
No way to sway too far
Near the way you used to be.
No longer caring
You become cold
Now being bold
In the very worst of ways.

Because as I hide behind my pain
I push everyone away
And face each and every day
With a mindset of fighting alone.
My friends don't see it
The struggle and pain
With their stares of vain
Not breaking my barriers.

I know it's gone too far
"Strength" taking over my fear
I watch my friends disappear
And still don't let them see my pain.
But the words haunt me deep
"You wanna shut yourself in go ahead"
I feel him giving up on me
"I'm trying to help you"
"I'm sorry"
I've always considered strength as how well you can hide the pain. And I guess my mask has turned into a problem. The quotes are from one of my best friends who I haven't had a real conversation with for probably a month. I'm basically sitting back and watching my friends leave because they can't stand my distance. I'm sorry guys, I do love you and am grateful for your attempts.
For everyone else, strength isn't being heartless. Don't let your fear destroy who you are. Because it can and will. And then you will need to be strong forreal; alone.
Oh to dream
To dream
Sweet dreams
Of death

Eternal rest
Marked by cement

There only to tell the world
"So and so lies in great slumber."

We oft look to death as somber
A downpour of tears and bad feelings
We mourn for the loss of a loved one

I can't help but wonder
While we mourn
If God rejoices
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