Over and over
Watching the hurt
Trying to help
It'll be different
Mind never open to new things
It makes all the sense in the world
But you would rather fool yourself
Always dismissed
Not good enough  
Hope is what you cling too

Mind always in a state of confusion
The old familiar path
The new brightly colored path
Ties that bind hard to break
Something fresh in mind
Indifference over time
Kind and caring then
Becomes whatever now
Why can't I be content
Perhaps that's just the land I'm in
Traveling down a lonely street
Never to be stopped by the new path that's caught my eye
So I continue on

What happened to you?
How did you get this far?
You had problems sure
But you dealt with them
Now you can't deal
They are eating you alive
Problems nobody could see
Are now scars carved onto you
For the world to see like a freak
What happens when scars aren't enough?
What's next?
The last six weeks of your life have been a living hell
Everything you loved is either gone or crumbling
What happened to you?
You know better than to trust
You get burned
And now twice in less than a month you've been burned
Constantly made to feel like you're not good enough in any capacity
You're just there while others get what you want
But they don't care
To hell with how it makes you feel
As long as they get what they want
What happened to you?
You went from a fairly nice unappealing individual
To someone consumed by anger and sadness
Who is at the end of there rope
What happened to you?

Navigating the tumultuous waters of the mind
You give something meaningful and intangible
It's returned unwanted
Overwhelmed in shock
You retreat into what you know
What's always been there
While you try to shake the dangerous thoughts
Trying to rebuild
By tearing down the wall
So I can trust again
Miss what you thought you knew
Not knowing if it can be regained
Try to sort the fact from fiction
What was once considered a source of strength
Was it merely an illusion?
The line between love and hate is so thin
Which is the true illusion?

Misunderstood
Off putting
Asocial
Okay to speak to
But not worth the time
To peel back the layers
Judged on views that don't align
Just a walking stereotype
How many would truly miss
If I were to go and start anew
How many would even notice
That I wasn't around anymore
Old friends
New friends
Never will understand
Just how special they are
How much trust and love
You have to be given
To be let into this ones world

Rejected
Heartbroken
Trapped six feet under
Gasping for air
Drowning
Head ready to explode
Things are amazing
Then it's to much
Kept at arms length
Wanting more and wanting to grow
This relationship but feelings aren't shared
Wanting/needing to see
But not good enough to be seen
Asked to not be yourself  
Why should I ever try to be then?
Left to ask myself questions and try to hold it together
While others go unbothered
Chances never given
To prove that I could be
something more
Based off some preconceived notion about my personality
Why be so open when it only causes so much pain?
Why try to help people when it all comes back on me?
Do you even have a right to be upset?
Is forgiveness even deserved for the way I acted?
I feel there's more to it
Something not being said or kept hidden away
Always going to be that friend
No matter who I grow attached to
Not worthy of having a best friend
Not worthy of being happy
Once again she gets everything
Time, attention, visits, fun
I'm left with nothing
Except the pieces of a shattered psyche and broken heart