Inside there is a sickness
digging firm within me
I feel the illness spreading
rooted, growing,flourishing
and from my soul it blossoms
into a tree deformed
its bark peeling with dissension
its fruit already rotted.

The wailing winds
whip about
lashing at the wheat
bending-cowering down.
Against the night
the stars shine-
holes in the floor of heaven.

I knelt
elbows propped
eye lids shut.
I inhale the smell;
the strong scent of
incense--frankincense
with myrrh.
I hear the figure in black talk
his voice rings strong through out the
building
ringing off the crumbling walls
reflecting like the light
through the stain glass windows.

Green this leaves me.

Devastated and hollow.

Angry that words
cannot   come   properly
From my mouth.

What its this!
I scream this
I hit and scrap and draw blood from this.
I pour my hatred deep into this
wanting to swallow your hope from this.

But would you be destroyed.
Would word and deed and life be destroyed?
I implore!
I beg of whom may be planning things
to rather let their be no fate
just send us out
and shake the world.

Green
I am green and livid.
My mouth is spewing vile
my fists are clenched till my palms are bloodied.

This monster inside is raging!
No release is waiting
yet constantly I lay waiting
to use these hands as instruments
to ring the life from lively eyes
which started this mad craving.

Muddled words are stuck
-here don’t you see-
If I could I would give them to you.
Oh please don’t cry, it’s unbecoming
You do understand don’t you?
Let us walk and speak of nothing
But
Perhaps the breeze
Or
Maybe the troubadours
Singing of unattainable love.

This is all very wonderful

Please my boy don’t cry
Soon enough out will come the fireflies.
We will watch them twinkle between
The weeping willow branches, and
We will laugh.

Ha Ha Ha

It shall be a glorious day
And night
And soon you will forget my muddled words
-Now you don’t see them anymore-
And we shall laugh and sing

We brushed the soil from our cloths
laced our laces
tied our knots
and hair back in one.

We exited that place with empty souls
and hearts filled with sorrow.

The almighty sounds  rang in our ears
while we slept we dreamed dreams
of our experience.

Some of us kept our eyes open
till they shriveled and fell from their
places. While others laid down their heads
and slept forever.

Others yet kept on,
walking like ghosts through this world
waiting for any comfort
or abrupt oblivion.

In which direction do we go
I cannot tell
for I am lost and do not wish to walk with you
through night's brisk air.
Once about the corner turn
The crunch of gravel spews from our heels.
To walk with you I cannot bear.
My wrapper held fast by a pin
My voice tucked in a woolen shield
I do not wish to walk with you
And speak of times much gayer than these.
Brisk we step
Slow we turn
Onto the street where we first met
Thus our beginning is our end.
I do not wish to walk with you again.

What is this?
I ask
And think
And quarrel with myself
Trying to find the answers
To questions rhetorical in nature.
What am I to do with
That
That has been presented to me
My mind is but a gift discarded
I lie
I cry
I cheat myself
Out of anything
And everything
I could have wanted
And why
I ask
I dare inquire
Do I care of the happiness of others?
When such a feeling in my heart
Is devoid of harboring wonder
Why, oh why
I find, search and fail
For others I comply
I foolishly give way
I think that it can only be
That I cannot stand
To be loved falsely by you.

I hardly sleep anymore
early hours followed by a tentative dawn
walking like shell
while the sun shines down
betraying the weariness I feel.

The blood began to flow.

I watched the liquid flow almost black and viscous.
I was in a place beyond myself,
far removed from my shattered psyche
that refused to recognize your twisted limbs,
the waste pooling around us from your bowel.

Your stench overcame the powerful scent of cloves
that had spilled from your bag.

As I teetered on the edge of darkness
I wondered if I could regain myself
before the comfort of madness.

You were so heavy against me...
so dead.

My fingers gripped flesh,
my palms leaked sweat between the silky folds of your inner
elbow.

How could it come to this?

Then the pressure came.
My chest filled and heaved,
my eyes grew hot,
all my ears could hear
was the life blood that had left you pumping incessantly,
intolerably in my temples.

She stayed motionless
with only one rhythmic breath sounding music through the night.

I pressed the corpse closer to my breast.

Woman: You're no longer here with me.

But you are.

She pressed her ear to those dead lips
cold and unfeeling.

Just under the surface of memory
there was the familiarity of kisses once delivered
by your fleeted consciousness.

Corpse: Am I?

A star exploded before me
its dying life seeped tendrils
out
------so far
---------it reached my earthly eyes.
The heat from its extinction
burned me
like a melting candle I seeped
----between----
the floorboards
dripping hardened
wax onto your face.
Staining both wood
and carpet below.

When I write
when I commit words to a page
so vague are they, so seamless
that  I become afraid
with the slightest mummer of discord
they will dissolve from the moisture
of our discontent.

When I write
experience unfolds
from my eyes, from my mind
that Ive never truly known
and yet
the feeling I describe
is wonderful, satirical
crippling, dishonorable
dangerous, and suicidal.

When I write
I am free
though I wander through no
galaxies
instead I sit and type, I write
and sink deeper into...me.

Sit alone aside from all
Aloof you wallow curled in pain
Your inner self is slowly dying
As love and time slip away.

Down among the window pane
The rain slides down the glass
Below the people are drowning
Within their hopes that failed to pass.  

Assembling their rotted lives
They walk and while they stand they fall.
Eaten out by maggots they crumble lost
Inside a case battered so.

For a long time I craved
-----voice----
I went to edges dangerous
to hear the crashing of waves
liquid thunder against gray cliffs.
I stepped
feet bare
above the grass
green--too green--
too vibrantly alive
in this numb place.
Bending I looked down
on an instant drop
my body quivered
my skin pulled tight
my eyes grew wide.
For a long time I craved
this moment to come
---its here---
and now...
I wish I had never sought it out.

Mistakes were made
nights were spent between sheets
twisting and gnawing at fingernails.

We cried our tears
and laughed out loud
till echos left cracks in the bedroom walls.

What can I say?
We had our fun
basked in the sunlight of this doomed bond
between two.

It is now the eve of our departure
emptiness is left to greet us and leaving us
is the knowledge of what we might have been.

Oh well, can you blame us
for ever trying
to be something we never could.

soft
abstract
feeling
you inside of
tender folds of skin.

ripples of musical tremors vibrate

ignite
fire
melting through to
another side of
skin.

Pressurized
knees beating against floored wood
cushions
provided by
dead leaves.

Bite
into that wrinkled fig
ripe from its source
sweet syrup gushing
from roasted cell walls.

Viens beat
sycronized with
my
heart.
use your veined hand
break through
my ***** shell

release my heart
watch that redness beat
and gush
like that eaten fig.

Arched spasm
crushed fingers
against
a soft
surface.

Camera flashes
send me back
to that time before
when images
sent a flush
through
me.

She remembers
vividly
walking in.
The smells
the feel of the coarse hard wood
against her feet
the yellowed and peeling flakiness
of floral wallpaper.

She recalls the meat simmering on the stove.
The stove which was old
bulbous and black-cast iron perhaps.
It filled the small one room lighthouse
collecting between the crevices wedging and
flattening itself between plaster and cement.

Each step made a sound
reminding the surroundings of her presence.
The solitary light bulb flickered as she pulled its string.
Brushing her cheek she felt his toes
swinging 180 degrees then back again
-maybe less of a dramatic angle.

Let us create
perhaps we shall use machines-said he-
No!- we'll use our hands, interrupted she-we-
steel, we'll form creations we-
will use our flesh, bones, sweat-
oil and fire, ire, industry-
STOP!, no more!
Let us create, think no more of machines
let us destroy that impersonal thing
and feel the pulse of life burst through
like flames of magma burning, melting.
I'd rather use the heat of hands
not burning coal to fuel the fire of desire
that I wish that we might create together.

I had a thought
a burst of inspiration
it whorled about my head
singed the skin of my ears
burned away the fringes of hair
---let loose about me face---
like ash flicked from the tip of a cigarette.

This thought multiplied
as many do, but even more this grew
taking up empty space, filling the heavens in my eyes
consuming me with a fire unfelt before, unknown to be felt--before.

Like pure energy it fumbled
crackling about the dry air, creating music's pure form.
Twisting, contorting--grotesquely beautiful--its tantalized me
ripping me with ethereal bare hands--until, my soul lay beating out
a glow in response to this epiphany, in a hand that was not a traditional hand.

This body moved
possessed of an inner passion
as these eyes watched detached as
my essence, received the violent creation in motion.
I feared it would burst and spill, letting go past memories
and that thing that will not come again, that nutrient that comes only once.

This body shook
the limbs quivered and tightened
in anticipation of a full soul ready to be received.
And when that hand, which was yet not a hand inserted
pressed, squashed, stuffed me back into myself my body felt light
despite--this immense entity housed within my flesh of skin, blood and bone.

When all had become quiet outside
I heard the music still, the monstrous song
that enveloped my ears fully, captured my eyes inwardly
until I fell backwards in a rapture locked in a battle I wished to lose.

This music slowly died
and with it my tremors stilled
until all that was left behind was but
the tiny ****** of a thousand angelic bells
hanging from the Bell-Trees of paradise's seventh node.

Sweet humanity
Has a conception ever been so sweet?
So sweet to make lips pucker
In kindly ecstasy?

Sweet and once dear human race
We seem to have erased
Will you ever raise your heads out from
That ocean of cruel intent?

Those waters harbor destruction
They fester, peeling away
Those stagnant waters decompose
Dissolving man’s soul away.

How low we all have sunk
Those eyes now see no more
Those thoughts of action grind to a halt
A cessation that leaves an echo.

No more does a message steal away
The tears of sympathy
We now slide into a faithless time
Love has been lost to bitter grief.

Our eyes are blind to tyranny
Our ears shut out tortured cries
And our once sorrow-ridden eyes
Grow numb to hate and crime.

So now we see and turn away
Sweet humanity has lost its way
So now I cry
And change the name

Of humanity
To inhumane.

As I lay broken
battered
open
pouring out my woes
from enclosed
places left to air,
I wonder silently
dejected
from where did I happen
to meet you
falling blindly
into
your open arms
and wide eyes.

What if I asked you
entreated you into ending me.
My fingers click against
sweat stained keys,
my eyes strain against the florescent lights of
my computer screen,
my ears vibrate with the sounds of laughter penetrating the empty
dead space of my closed room.
I don't want to continue like this.
My life is walking
with wearied feet sinking
deeper
and deeper still
in the mud of desperation.
My toes crack
my ankles creak from the stiff cold
as I rotate their joints.
I'm becoming tired,
as the night progresses
I wish often than cautiousness allows
that I
would sleep and not wake.

Laughter climbs this brick wall
Rusted and crumbling,
Crumbled and rusting,
Deteriorating, until the laughter itself crumbles,
Lost between its porous exterior.
And what is left behind crawls
Scraping its underbelly against the crumbling
Carried along silken ribbons.

Trapped amidst my curtains
tossed between,
and inside,
and among, my white lace curtains
come to rest beside my head,
laid on my pillow,
my silken-laced pillow.

Sliding deep into my ear
laughter soon gurgles from my lips.
Crawling along my tongue’s terrain,
leaving its waste for me to taste.

Echoed emptiness resounds.

Laughter.

Your sustenance has left this place.
Taking with it happiness, lost along the way.

Taking with it happiness, lost among the bricks

Rusted and crumbling,
Crumbled and rusting.

These tears are for you
---here let me gather them
I shall bead then together
a necklace of salty regret
and bitter mutterings.

No, no let me...
I shall tie them tight around your neck
let them hang out of reverence
for the heart you let shatter
from your overturned palm.

I know you feel as I do
you hear the pulse beats in my chest
see the glitter from my eyes
generated by your smile.

You feel the ache as I do
crippling , locking  fluid joints
catch me before I hit the ground

---to my surprise I find you don't---

and down I fall
--you let me fall---
I felt cold hardness below my palms...

I know you felt as I do
that something rather left unsaid
but then again...
I thought you kept yours safe inside
I love you...
or did--once.

Echo, echo
I repeat
Alone in her cave of stone
Please, please
Can you hear her cry
For loves pure wondrous lure
Help me help me
She cries
But only insects hears
Forever destined to repeat
And never to declare

I want to see the striking contrast
our skin makes when we mesh.

Let it all fall down
have the smoke rise
when all is quiet

when fire has gone
burned out in fury

against civilization
the ashes stand only

clinging to the skeletal
structure of a defeated

era.

These drops fall carelessly
dropping down and rolling
like clear beads
on the laminated surface of infant leaves.
Lazing about underneath its shade
I look up through dark lashes
to catch and keep
a glimpse of you
before
you ****** my gaze away.
That single drop of days old rain
dives
leaving vibrations on the leaf's tip
to 'plop'
on your forehead.
I watch you let it run its course
sliding down the connection
between eyes and
the precipice of your
nose.
With a timid curved finger
-my longest-
I feel my caress on your skin.
with your eyes fixed to mine
I abandon all coyness.
the collision of our lips was inevitable
our teeth clink like
wine glasses in celebration
While our tongues undergo construction
sanding down passions rough exterior.
together under the pale sun
we are stationed
shirts pulled and
wrinkled.
Faces flushed with
memories.
Our breath steams out
slowly
and our eyes avert from the others
to the sky
clear blue
watching God.

You came in the night
with a shining radiance you coaxed me
to throw from me my thin protection
and follow you into the night.

With sweets and love
you lured me in. Each kiss was drugged
with honey, drawing the moisture from myself
and with a weakening constitution i embraced your love.

Each touch coupled with a seductive word
I loved from you, though to late I realized, each word
laced with damnation. And soon
nothing could I live on, but your word.

Wanting to escape I cannot.
No matter where I turn your grin reflects against
petrified eyes. Each escape I attempt you are
always a step before my timid feet
and now to live on I cannot.

"Kakodaimonia" I cry out
but you who lured me to this dark place
says nothing, but holds out your hand instead
grabbing and crushing mine until I
cry out.

The sun pours through the pores
of silken curtains hung.

I turn my face towards its warmth
the colour touches eye lash and cheek.

I turn my face upwards
I feel His lathering, His glow indulges me.

But then a cloud comes heavily
covering both sun and warmth

it leaves my eyes looking up at
dark.

I wait as a lover by the placid sea
I wait never ending for only thee
I weep that you have traversed so far
I steep into madness each day your gone.

How I survive I do not know
For dragging my feet I slide to the floor
For a mood so severe takes hold so firm
Making sure to crush my weary spirit.

I quake and I quiver as if scarlet fever
Were wrapping its grip tightly round me.
Strong like steel as I wail and plead
I find I cannot escape this infinite peal

Of madness, this madness that madness!
Strike me down and let the earth now take me
Let it cradle me in its rough hands
Just so I forget the damages left to body, spirit and soul.

Now hunger is bearing its jagged pearl teeth
Dripping with a poisonous filth. My heart is a flutter
Though not from a lover, but death who invites me in.
That monster I thought had been fiend.

T’was sweetness I heard in dreams now forgotten
Of a voice made from old silk. And turning my head
I looked and beheld that lethe that takes all thought away.
A memory that fades so quickly away now takes all my fears away.

“Suffer no more.” Said that voice from below
The surface of that kindly river.

So step in I did, with no consequence
And drift did I drift away. Forgetting the pain
And remorse of the day your left and that
Madness slowly came from pain.

Is it you, or I that has come to this tree
With its purple and shady gray leaves
In the midst of summer among the pines
This tree planted here is glorified
Its bark is dull yet its leaves are bright
And father time that is surely divine
Has visited this wonder which is his prize
The stream that flows around the roots
Its water sweet for the weary traveler
Those who drink and regain their strength
Worship this tree, which has come
From the heavens
To bless us with all its splendor

And here is where I stop and you begin.
This timeless loop forever we are in
hold on--tighter--we must be united.

He just lost faith
It ate and scraped away
at his soul
and as he slipped into that wide crevice
--to climb out again---
-----to fall back in----
tears would fall
from his eyes
---and mine.
My love was dying slowly,
then all to quickly he was gone
behind him was a emaciated shell
that I clutched to my breast.

Pictures of a broken past
Of lovely memories
Of snow that covered frozen pine
Or the smell of mahogany
The feeling of security when you were always near
Now that aid is surly gone
Your absence leaves me bare

How can I draw back memories
Of a time filled with but joy
When autumn came to change the leaves
Or winter to take its deathly bow

What of the springs in May
When the earth let out its scent
Of flowers growing wild
In the acres that never end
Or when you’d plant me tulips
Just so we could be near
Why now then have you gone away
When our love’s yields not yet made

Hours pass and now the days and still no one has found you
My heart is breaking into pieces
How can I live without you?
Without you here my life just seems to be so incomplete
The ache that you have left behind is too much oh I shall weep!

Come back to be my gallant steed
Your damsel needs protecting
But not from the harm that outside holds
But from her heart that needs desperate mending

Lost
is floating about
a world lost to me.
My brain has unraveled
each wrinkle smoothed out,
until pink tubes dribble from my ear.
My lobotomy is complete, an empty shell
looking through eyes hollowed out by an endless
monotony.

One
then two
then three again.
Desperation
eyes bulging
throat expanding then
constricting.
Constriction precedes frustration.
The minutes brace against my mind
I have to pull and grunt, and scream
until they pass.
Tears stream, my nose runs down below me.

and then stubborn gives way to release
I feel much better, for now.

Cool drops
cool drops falling, rolling
sliding
down before they reach your jaw.
I move close
the creak of the floor calls out to me.
A woman's skin is soft
like a silken second skin
so tightly, so lightly fastened to your body
is felt against my open palm,
is felt against my muscled arm
so down it goes parallel your vertical curves
like a flawed hourglass so striking.
Lips close around that water drop, now sliding down your collar bone
nestled in the hollow
where shoulder meets neck.
The water refreshes me
ignites my thirst.
ignites...

At once I thought we were to see this through
--you and I--
I suppose the fear was just too great
for when the morning light had shone its rays
you were gone
and I was left alone.

I didn't cry
I made not one sound for you
I laid there still
feeling the emptiness you left

and come mid-noon when dawn had fully yielded
I rose and went about my day.

The storm clouds grow near
The rain becomes thick
Thunder rolls about the sky
Streaks of light strike out upon the unsuspecting natives
They bow down to this unknown force
That commands the wind and has blocked the sun
And poured water down into the river
And sent shock waves though the land

Now something is wrong for the water does not cease
And keeps coming down in torrents
And soon only one man is alive in a tree
Weeping of all the destruction.

The leaves were brittle
I let them crumble in my hands
while I rumbled them together
making organic friction.
They drizzle from my flattened palms
and I watch as the civilization below these moist wood-chips
and soil look up in amazement at my autumnal snow.
Does that make me an instrument of nature?
Their pagan goddess?
Perhaps not.

My scattered leaves rebound
and some flies back toward my face
a fragment of a whole
lands on the pink of my bottom lip.
I brush it away
holding it on the tip of my index
watching the wind carry it away.
I wish the wind would carry
me away.

Edit
lovely
by Kim Brown on Wednesday, 25 November 2009 at 16:45
From up high
there is a meadow
Where succulent flowers grow
In the deepest trough.
Its scent wrapped around us
Suffocating us
Drugging us
Intoxicating
Till we could barely stand.
As I stare into your eyes
I feel naked
Before you
I am stripped bare
To my raw soul.
Nothing else can compare
To your voice
Close to my ear
To the tickle of your
Whisper.
When you tell me
I love you.

Which way is up
raise me high above these embittered troughs
let not my feet, or toes be dipped in its slop.
Like pigs-starved-I watch their thickened tongues
lick and slurp the trash thrown down before them.
Laugh I would but the scene is just to dire
instead i let a salted tear expire,
and as it rolls and drops from my darkened cheek
I watch it wasted away.
Don't let me fall, but hold my numbed hands firm.
Pay no attention to the omen clouds or gales
keep our fingers steadfastly intertwined.
Eyes turned upward watching sky
watching you watch me with saintly eyes
watching you out pour from wing outstretched
the light of His divine holiness.

As higher up we fly
though my arms are tired and worn
and my eyes badly stung
my heart is filled until its sploshing
joy that others wish to taste twice over.
Under many spectrum s of light
we melt effortlessly through.
Safe you guide me to that overlook.
did you always know even through my darkened times
that this journey here would end sublime?

"Which way is up" I asked when first you came
I watched the animals watch as i was raised
they tried to lift their necks bowed low in vain.
From pure gales He cleaned my soul anew
you must have known how this would end
each day that passed your smile did only expand.
so here we are, and from that dark-wooded hold
we stand before His golden gates-Behold!

Once there was a girl
and boy
together.
One sat here
the other
there
only eyes touching
through silent air.