First of all don't fit me into a box
the typical 2 gender category
I do have a female body
that doesn't mean I always behave or
act as a female does
can't stand the typical
black and white view and stereotypes
your a woman therefore
you must clean, cook and be in the kitchen
its life skills everyone needs to learn
regardless of their gender and identity
its not the 1960s any more
everyone is equal
also the fact that I enjoy ***
and have a female body
doesn't make me a ***** *** or a ****
check your definitions
before you start accusing me of this
*** and ***** pay for pleasure
I never charged anyone
just sharing my affection and love
for people and *** is a beautiful
and spiritual act so be honoured
rather than attacking me  
also don't call me woman or lady
but by all means you can call me
***, babe, chick or if in doubt just call
me by my first name Kim
I am neutral gendered
I understand both male
and female perspectives
love people regardless
of gender as I don't
fit into any of these categories
I enjoy both male and
female activities
but I often flit
between the 2
genders
therefore I am neutral
and will dress, behave
and act accordingly
to how I feel.

The feeling of inadequacy rears its ugly head
from time to time
why is everything in my brain feel so distorted
seeing in my mind always as a male;
then my body is the opposite;
the mismatch causing me
anxiety
the feeling of living a lie;
having to deny these
feelings for years
ignoring how I felt
in my teens
when my hormones
and feelings were just a bit
different in case
people called me a freak
I hated being judged
all I wanted was love
so kept everything quiet
too scared to tell any one
for years fearing
no one will ever love me any more
feeling rejected
as not many will truly
understand how I feel inside
so I repressed it so many times
which left me over the years
feeling more
hollow and empty
dysphoria is complicated;
wish it was easy
but I nothing ever is.

Over the years
I have new challenges to face
with raising a baby girl
learning to accept
I might not ever be my
authentic self but
want to teach her to
that things are not
always appear to be
and that you should
always try and help people
whenever you can
in the new year going to build my self esteem
maybe one day I learn to love myself
learn to speak out
get support where needed
when feeling down.

Dysphoria is hard to live with
at times but I'm learning
to accept and I'm moving forward
with my life.

The times you hear the words
I love you its the typical cliche
they slip out
sometimes casually
think carefully about the
real meaning behind
the words next time you use them
love is shown by actions
doing things for the ones
you care about and not only spoken.

Best advice I can give to being happy
is know your goals in life,
exercise a little bit each day,
do a bit of meditation for reflection
helping to connect to your inner self.
I enjoy a bit of writing and singing.
Talking to friends and family can help half the problem,
never binge or do anything to excess
and confront things when they get on top of you
never bottle yourself up
also consult your medical professionals if things get really tough they can sometimes guide you in the right direction.
The thing that helped me through in the end
was having a purpose which I have found
that with my baby girl
she makes me smile
and reminds me that
life is worth fighting for
regardless on how bad i feel.
I honestly had no direction before
kept hitting a dead end
when I was younger I was enthusiastic and hopeful
studying hard hoping I would achieve something in LIFE
find the job and partner of my dreams
but life after university hit me hard
I was unemployed for 6 years
which made me feel depressed and became
mentally unwell
the thought of feeling the failure
never having nothing to show
at the end of it sent
me down a dark spirall
My wounds are now finally healing
keep reminding myself i'm no
failure and a fighter
and now I'm feeling a bit more at peace
with my self.

One winter night I was out in another city
with a friend in streets of Nottingham.
We both had a impulsive night
drinking *****
we didn't realize the time,
we missed the train home.
There was no place to stay or go
everywhere was closed.
I was shivering and terrified
looks like we sleeping rough tonight
I felt nervous and sick to close my eyes
incase I got robbed
My friend gave me a huge hug
and told me it'll be alright
I've done this before
don't worry we will survive

My friend found an cardboard box
out the bin
it was big enough to
fit us both in
at least we got some shelter
to keep us warm a little bit

A random stranger caught us out
in the cold he felt sorry for me
shaking in the corner feeling
the frosty chill
What are you doing out here young lady?
your catch a cold and be ill
He wanted to call my parents
but stubborn me didn't want him to
as I didn't want them to worry
so instead he gave me warm coat
coffee, and a bar of chocolate
to set me up for the night.

Though I could not sleep
while I was on the street
the random kindness got me through
as soon as morning was due
we caught the train to Leicester.

I never forget what kind gesture
the random stranger did for me that night
but showed appreciation and thanks
by passing the kindness on
now I try and do the same for anyone
struggling on the streets
everyone deserves to have
shelter, a warm beverage and
food to eat.

I was their piece of art,
I tasted sweet as lemon ****,
sampled in the cake shop,
customers stared and stop,
paying out change out of their pockets,
cash and card from their wallets
to pay for my pleasure.
I give them that thrill,
dressed to ****.
I was their secret treasure
for we all don't live forever.

In life people roots split                     different directions.                                                         
which determine their future.                                              
They are the  tree roots that branch                                      
and grow out into the sky.

Life blooms only twice  

Spring is birth
                                                                ­        then Summer is fertility and love.
                                                      
Autumn is the fall of man.      
                                          
Winter is death.  
                                                              

Death plays games                                                          chose players at random.                                                    

Play the game of life and win,  

live and survive

or lose the game                                    

and lose everything.  

Some players cheat death games                                                         strike of deal                                                             ­   and gamble                                                          for  
fame                                                       
feed greed  

 which shortens
chances
of living
full
clean
life.