Every day looking into the mirror
as an chameleon does to change
his or her shape and appearance
to fit into their surroundings.

Becoming two polar opposites,
two halves of the same coin:
both working against
each other in the same mind.
Causing confusion, never knowing
whether to swing or dive,
whether to run or hide.

What can I say I love
wearing suits
nice leather boots
Love hanging out
with other guys
and wearing ties.
Playing sport
listening to heavy
music and going to
gigs moshing in
pits and having
a blast drinking
pints of beers
and thinking
about women.

But I don't look
like other guys
Reality sinks in
and I feel lost
and hurt inside.

I withdrawn
back in my shell
quickly learn
that I have been
born into the wrong
form.

Seeing it every day
magnified and glaring
back in the mirror
each morning  
is enough to make
me hate it.

These days I feel
gender-less and neutral;
hardly charming
never beautiful
or at the least
the way I intended
it to be
I'm just me.

I sometimes feel lost inside
by ignoring how I feel
deep down the
corners of my mind
which have turned.
I like to think of my
identity as a white
canvas that needs
the colors and
lines crafted
in the right way
otherwise it runs
and becomes a mess
wild and unruly
where something
is fluid can change
and form something
old into new.
Finding the
real self under
the masks
of hostility
need to be
discovered
not hidden
or feared
but rather
embraced
as a old
friend
and found.

Why do I feel I cant
connect with the world
anymore.
I use to appreciate
and share its wonders
colors, arts
cute animals
and innocence.
Fluffy clouds
spiraling to a
new enchanted
kingdom as far
as I can see.
Hearing the
delights of
cries of doves
forming and
flying in the sky.
This is a perfect
vision, not something
tainted and blurred
by the cold reality
is more scary and
hard to face anymore
and see wars, famine,
poverty and death on
the TV.
Is there any
goodness really
left: sometimes
I just give up
and dwell into
my own bubble
at least I feel safe
in there but then
I see a stranger someone
unknown help a fellow
person in need. Sharing
warmth of a coffee
and offering food
to someone with
very little except
a smile which just
one gesture, one deed
makes this existence
all the more worthwhile.

My mind is buzzing
flitting between
feeling full and
then empty.
Depression lowers
my ambitions.
Mania is a rush
quick firing at
me in all directions.
I am dazed
don't know
how to fully
function anymore
heard and see
things that aren't
always there.
Am I in dream
waking up or
in real life
collapsing
into
nothingness.
Confusion
and fear
hits with
a sinister
glare.
What is normal
anymore?

Your eyes peirce
into my flesh;
soaking me in
your kisses  
you suckle me
into each of
your almond
shaped *******.

You lead me
into your
private home
surrounded by
the scent of
honey and flowers
we grow more
close together
every hour slow,
our seeds in the fields
we are about to sow.

Night approaches the peak;  
your form changes:
you become nothing more
than a dark eclipse shadow
hissing and creeping
further up my flesh:
trapping the light of the moon
drowning me in the water
the lamb to the slaughter.

That devilish halo
on top of your head.
The smile of the sunshine
kid painted in Patti Smith
spirited cloak of stars.

Always the john
to your Lennon.
Red and black
I always wore you:
you were words,
dark and coarse
pictures that color
my universe with
emerald pastels.

Hair painted out with
brown everlasting swirls
in the smooth pinch of
leather finger nails.

trip out with me to
cherry jelly kaleidoscopes.  
That outspoken diva
with light in her eyes:
tongue stuck out
in cheeky verse.

You painted dreams
with beats and breaths
you sew on patches
with hope and love.

The world would be empty
with out you.