I find it uncomfortable when there are the minority of people in the world who are still laughing and staring  at me for needing a wheel chair.

The mentality and immaturity of some people in my life just really  disappoints and saddens me.  

It can some times make me feel like I'm living in an world that has lost a lot of  love, purpose and care too.

I still feel the need to hide at home a lot of the time.

I rarely go out in public  down to feeling ashamed and embarrassed of being classed as  disabled.

There are just far too many hurdles to face with my daily  life every day this is made even worse when you have    limited mobility.

I often stay out of the  way to make life a little  easier on every one else.

In the last 9 months I have seen some really good people in my life  who have always tried to make me smile.

Gone far and beyond to make my experience in my day more happy and bearable.

I still see some of the bad people in life lurking around who always try to spoil this for me.

I rarely see
many ramps for wheel chair assess  in public places and on public transport.  

Things are steadily  changing for the better.

People with disabilities thoughts and views on life are finally being heard and not completely ignored and and rejected so there might  be still hope for equal rights.

Who really knows what will happen in the future  so the best idea would be to always be positive and thankful for all the help that you do recieve in your life.

Keep strong and always  move  forward an few more steps each day.

It's important to always take  those steps in your life even if they have only been a.few slow steps at an time.

I often still see a lot of shocked and some times even  annoyed faces when going out  which does take me by surprise.

I still see and occasionally experience mental  abuse but that's life eh? I've got to stay strong and keep plodding along.

There has been so many times I have heard people say to me that you are just  very lazy, my dear.

This is your own fault, you have done this to your self.

I live with the guilt and shame every day, living with chronic pain
which will never go away.

The negative judgement and comments of other people that I have been quietly hearing in the background    before going to sleep at night.

The depressing and stressful memories over the years are constantly  streaming  through my ears and  brain playing  every day and every night.

It can be explosive at times as a titanic waterfall.

I can hear the inner critic, the inner fear that creeps around and festers in my brain.

The thing in life which is telling me constantly  you will never be able to survive, you never cope with living a good life.

I silence that voice more than ever to this very day.

I tell it that it has no more  power over me or no place in my own life.

I tell it to stop saying that I'm not good enough I'm worthy to have an good life just like everyone else even when the  critical voice has  been by far  the  loudest for an very long time and is  drowning out the voices of  every one else around me talking in the same  room.

I drown that  negative voice out with music, sunshine, art, singing and poetry.

I regularly do my daily physio  exercises every day.

I keep fighting the good fight in my own way for both me, my daughter and my partner's own happiness and life too.

I keep trying and  doing my best with every thing maybe one day things will be going  more my way.

I could feel like I'm winning in life for once but until its my time I must be patient and wait never give up and accept that these are the cards that I have been in fact  given and have to deal with in my life.

I need to start using  these cards in the  game that we all call Life.

I feel more afraid now to walk the street.


I don't like being harshly compared.  

I dont like being questioned.

I don't like being watched and I really don't like being followed.

There is far too much hate.

When I have experienced these horrifying scenes un life. I want to escape and get out in that fresh air and sunshine.

I wish we could just learn to respect
one another.

We are not meant to be born the same.

We should all be winning but at our own game in life.

No one should ever feel that they don't belong.

We are unique, we are all important notes that inspire and make such an beautiful song.

I feel we should learn to accept one another.

Learn to work together.

Banish paranoia,
banish dread,
banish fear and  most importantly banish hatered forever.

I wake up
with the same horrible set of dreams every night.

It makes me feel sick and frightened.

It really haunts my life.

I wish I could break this curse just learn to forget and move forward that way for once I will be able to have an decent  rest at night.

I always get woken up at the same time by the same set of  horrible dreams.

Maybe one day I will be able to find that peace of mind,
its just really hard to find.

Life can be really tough.

I get my daily reminders.

My nagging doubts.

The question that keeps popping up in my head is will I ever be good enough?

I hear so many negative voices telling me that I will not succeed.

Rejecting me and dissing my
life choices.

Wish they would just
be quiet and
for once leave me alone.

I just want to hear silence
that would
be the victory.

They
never stop taunting  and they
keep laughing
at me.

You will lose and we will win.

I will definately not give them any of that  satisfaction.  

I will never give up this fight. I will keep on trying and do my best.

I wish I never lost any more  weight.

It was an huge mistake.

One mistake I really hate and I really regret to this day.

I'm still paying the debt which is paid with my mental health and life.

Was always looking fine.

Didn't need to make any more changes to myself.

Being called chubby and fat by an  silly ****.

One afternoon
caused me so much destruction and sadness to my self esteem to make me  hide at home and waste myself away.

Still paying for the damages.
  
Life has been much more tough and hard to manage.

In the future
I will ignore the ***** in life who are never happy and want to hurt and bully innocent women walking out on the streets.

One of my goal's in life is that I will one day be more free to be myself  and be able to one day walk again.

No place to run
No place to hide.

The chronic pain finds its way;
the triggers are there every day without delay.

Bright lights, smell and sound.
There is never
an escape route.
At times you
feel dizzy.
At times you feel really weak.  
At times it gets so bad you can't even feel your arms and feet.

There is no cure for this chronic pain. It's living in an nightmare every day.

You have to learn to adapt to it the best you can.

It can feel surreal is this real or is it just an dream?

I hope I can wake up from this and live a normal life again.

But no this is real as it gets as you can always feel the pain and it will be here to stay.

Migraines wish you would go away and don't you come back another day.