Truly it needs no explanation,
the depth nor connotations,
its simple and its pure as life itself.

Surly you can't expect the reaper,
to step back and become meeker,
its truth and I can live life by myself.

You don't need to lend a hand,
I'll place my feet and take my stand,
there's no point worrying about me now.

My world has changed and it has shifted,
my view, the darkness it has lifted,
its time to fight, nowhere to run, no way no how.

Its not like I don't need you,
the truth is that I want to,
show you that I'm strong, my strength is true.

There's no reason to go and miss me,
I'm here, just not as you knew me,
I'm trying to become some one new.

So this step it is my own,
this heart, become like stone,
there is no way to shatter, strong at last.

I'll prove myself and go the distance,
from me you'll find no hindrance,
watch me as I throw, my die is cast.

Its sad to think that there's no one to know you,
no one to tell them, that you've passed away.
It makes me sad to think some day I'll leave them,
It makes me wish I could never die and just stay.

Whats worse is the fact that the people I want to,
know that I've gone, probably never will.
What if I die, in a flash, in an instant,
No chance for goodbyes, what a feeling, cold chill.

So much to think of and so much to see,
people to talk to, places to go.
I'd like to think that I've fulfilled my purpose,
maybe this lifetime, I can't truly know.

Death at the doorstep; silent and still.
There's nothing for it, no action no cue.
So many ways to leave without knowing,
Remember me, and I will remember you.

Hey god
Why didn't you tell me,
that I'd be going out this way?
Oh Lord,
I wish you'd told me,
there might have been things to do and say.

Say mum,
Was there something,
you wanted to do with me?
Or dad,
What about you?
There's so much we could have seen.

My sister,
you know I'm sorry.
For all of my appalling jokes.
and brother,
I hope you realize.
For you I always pray and hope.

Hey hate,
I'm sorry I used you,
to feel a little better occasionally.
and love,
thanks for helping,
and teaching me to stand on my own feet.

My friends,
I guess I'd thank you,
for putting up with me and laughing too.
My family,
I know you'll be strong
and know I truly do love you.

Yeah life,
I suppose it is fair,
you let me stay here all these years.
So fate,
I guess I won't judge you,
and, I will not fear.

Hmm god?
Since you might be listening...
as I die can you do me one little thing?
One I love,
he's soaked beside me,
let an angel shelter him with her wings.

Final Death,
lets go quietly.
I won't struggle I swear.
Bye life,
I'll definitely miss you.
But you can't live forever, I guess its fair.

I'm not saying it to be hurtful.
I'm not saying it to be deceitful.
Its just honest emotions,
you can't help how you feel.


Words that console me,
also hurt me inside.
Its hard to separate,
the truths and the lies.

Cards on the table,
hands out to see.
The truth is I don't know,
what to distrust or believe.


I'm not saying it to be hurtful,
I'm not saying it to be deceitful.
It's just honest emotions,
you can't help how you feel.


In my head I slowly repeat,
your healing words you spoke for me.
Truth and hope filled your voice,
as you said the words I made my choice.

Such simple words,
they let me go.
Helped me see,
and let me know....


... you can't help how you feel.

I scream for someone to come, not sure if they can,
I’m hurt and I’m lonely where I am.
No more crying and no more fear,
I just want to get out of here.

I’m hurting.

The dark it’s not as harsh as the light,
I wonder if I’ve given up the fight.
Trapped where I'm wandering on and on,
I wonder what I’m searching for, maybe someone.

I’m lonely.

The thump of my heart, twist of my gut,
Always surprised at how fast my eyes shut.
The sweat and the horror so unrefined,
I’m hunched in the corner wishing to be blind.

I’m scared.

It starts at the top and works to my feet,
The sharp prickling feeling is so complete.
It makes me cry out and fall to the floor,
It makes me wish to not live any more.

I’m in pain.

It’s all in my head I know it to be so,
The fear and the torment the pain I don’t show.
In my mind trapped and growing,
Rapidly approaching, never slowing...

...depression... defeat... time to fall... end it all...

I’m hurting.

When it hits me.

There is nothing but pain, tears and sorrow,
Which I hide behind the darkness of my face.
It’s so deep and completely real, my awareness,
The truth is shown and I hide disgraced.

It hit me.

Rambling on I try to make sense of it,
Just one more time step back from the ledge.
I try in vain to fit together at least two pieces,
But watch as all the shards slip off the edge.

I’ll follow soon.

Finally some calm settles on me.
It’s so fake and precious in its lie.
The time has come to decide whether to keep going,
Or to stop, to give up and comply.

Should I keep going?

Time and time again I asked the question,
Too no avail, no response no reply.
When do I give up, after how much failure?
When do I fall down, desist and cease to try?

Is it time yet?

Lying in my thoughts I found no answer.
Its keeps hitting me again and again.
So here I am broken and crying,
Writing a poem to try to tell you, to explain.

This is how it feels when it hits me.

Falling~

I wished you would have realized I was falling,
falling so far down, I couldn't stand...
My life had lost its meaning, lost it's purpose.
All it's worth had been removed strand by strand.

The light had disappeared, total darkness.
Why had my happiness gone away?
Everyday I would wonder maybe...
You'd notice I was falling and help me stay.

The days went by and slowly there came thunder,
but not even lightning lit my dismal sky.
The rain poured down, joining in my tear drops,
and all alone I sat and wondered why.

...why?...

Why am I depending on you?
Why don't I just get up on my own?
Why can't I stand up when I fall?
Why is it to much to be alone?

So I got up and screamed over the thunder,
that I could help myself, and be strong.
I shouldn't have waited for some one to realize,
I should have stopped it myself, I knew all along.


~I stopped falling.